Photo cred – torontostreetfashion
Being single has its moments. Yes freedom can be fun, you don’t have to answer to anybody, you can shower as much or as little as you’d like, you can make out with anybody whenever you want, but it can also be sad, like really sad. Statistics* show it can actually be even more sad in a city like Toronto.
A city is a place where the individual thrives, it is a concrete jungle where robotic people live in tiny concrete boxes. And in these tiny boxes where we are thriving, it can sometimes get lonely. Sometimes we yearn to hold somebodies hand, share an ice cream cone, or hug somebody under the neon lights at yonge and dundas square.
They say misery loves company, so let us commiserate Toronto. Let us share why it sucks to be single in this city.
1. When friends cancel on you because they are having “issues” with their boyfriend/girlfriend
Seriously. We had plans! This usually happens on a saturday night when epic plans for partying are in place and last minute you find out your friend is bailing again because there was yet another fight with the girlfriend/boyfriend. Lame.
2. Listening to a couple bicker about shit that doesn’t matter
“You said that”, “No YOU said that!” “No no you said it!” Wow. Very stimulating. This sucks, please get me out of this room, actually just take my life right here.
3. Watching couples make out
This is just gross. This isn’t the movies, you are not Jon Hamm she isn’t Jennifer Lawrence we don’t want to see you fondle each other and least of all make the fuck out.
4. Over hearing a girl talk about her boyfriends specific food requests at a restaurant and acting like it’s interesting and everybody cares
No one cares. Least of all the server, and not to mention everyone else in the restaurant who can hear you. “Oh he just hates hot dogs!” Great story.
5. Not having a boyfriend/girlfriend to go skating with at Nathan Philips square
This event was made for couples and children of course, if single avoid at all costs.
6. Sometimes you end the night alone at Bartons Snacks or any given pizza joint
Nobody wants to end the night alone, especially ending it alone in a neon lit pizza joint at 3am. If you had a boyfriend you would be in his arms in some warm bed somewhere while he tells you you’re amazing. Ugh this sucks.
7. Not having someone to text all the time
Torontonians are big on texting and everybody knows you can’t text your crush all the time. There are rules. If you had a boyfriend/girlfriend you could text them every brilliant idea you are having at any given moment throughout the day.
8. Not having someone to walk thru the distillery district with
Clip to cobblestone streets, cute sweaters, pretty scarfs, and a couple holding hands. When you are single who the fuck are you going to walk thru the distillery with? Your best friend? No. You might as well go for tequila shots at El Caballito and cry about your singleness together.
9. Listening to your friend complain about their boyfriend/girlfriend
You just have to sit there in silence and keep all your real opinions to yourself. There are rules, you can’t just flat out say “You’re right you’re dating an asshole!!” Instead you are forced to do nothing and listen to complaints for all eternity.
10. Not being able to get a puppy together
There comes a point when every couple decides to get a puppy together. When you are single and alone and miserable no puppies for you!
11. No one to imagine your future with
“And then we could move to Spain, and you could write that book while I pick cherries and our kids would have an awesome tan!” When you are single you miss out on the joys of imagining sharing a bright future with someone you love.
12. Cheaper rent
When you have a significant other and it’s pretty serious, odds are at some point you’ll decide to move in together. The plus side is you two share a bedroom so rent is a whole lot cheaper. Sadly the single person must pay all that rent on their own.
13. Not having someone to lie in bed with you all day while you nurse hangover
Boyfriends and girlfriends stick around. One night stands and/or that person you’re dating doesn’t. They need to get back to their house so they can continue living their life without you.
14. Having regular sex
Having regular sex is a lot harder when you need to actually find someone to have sex with you.
15. You are tempted to and/or use tinder and you realize how much it sucks
You’ve either thought about it or you’ve tried it and you realize like 99% of the time these tinder conversation go nowhere and are actually the most boring thing on the planet. Hey want to discuss pointless shit via text messages with a random stranger? God being single sucks sometimes. Sometimes.
16. Nobody cares when you make out with random strangers
Nobody cares and nobody tries to stop you. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I have no standards…
17. Your couple friends don’t want to go out as much as you do
“Let’s go out out this weekend!” “Uh I have plans to go apple picking with Dave”. Goddamnit.
18. (For the ladies) There is no one to constantly complain to
Lot’s of things go wrong on a daily basis and one is forced to complain about them. Boyfriends are required to listen to these complaints, or at least give the appearance they are listening. When you are single you don’t have that person to complain about your job, your boss, the subway, the coffee shop lady, GAHHHH.
19. No one to hold your hand
In times of trouble sometimes a simple act such as hand holding can go along way. When you are single there is no one to hold your hand on a crisp autumn day on queen street. Sad sad life.
20. You can’t wear sweatpants as much
People in relationships wear sweatpants more. This is a fact. They are in a relationship, they don’t need to care about there appearances as much, who the hell are they going to run into on the street? Future Mr/Mrs. Right? Wrong. They already have that on lock down. The single people are forced to dress well more times than not, as to prepare thyself for the city streets and god knows who they may run into.
21. There is no one to cook dinner for and/or to cook you dinner
“Let me cook you dinner” one best friend did not say to another best friend. The fact is, friends don’t typically cook romantic meals for other friends so if you’re single you can give one big sad kiss goodbye.
22. You can’t go to places like the ROM, Bata Shoe Museum or Ripley’s Aquarium
Stuff like this is meant for bored boyfriends and girlfriends to do. No single person in there right mind who go to any of these places solo. I mean why would you want to be faced with a couple making out in front of some overrated display of fish?
23. Being the third wheel when you’re hanging out with that girl/boy who always wants to bring her boyfriend/girlfriend along
Why does he/she ALWAYS need to be there? Ugh so annoying.
24. When friends in relationships give you dating advice
“You need to date a guy/girl like this!” “You deserve better!” “If he takes you for Indian food he is a keeper” Yea okay I’m going to take dating advice from you because your relationship is going so well and you don’t complain about it 24/7.
25. Going home alone after a night out
Okay this just sucks. Especially when everybody else is getting home safely with their significant other. Who is worried about your safety!? No one. That’s who.
26. Not being able to share your poutine
The portions are always huge and clearly meant to be shared amongst a couple whose in love. Sadly the single person must eat the whole poutine to ones self and consequently feel terrible after.
27. No one to disagree on Netflix movies with
No one can argue that getting cozy and watching netflix is the best. It’s especially the best when you have someone with you. Even though you bicker for about 20 minutes before you decide on some random documentary about vagina plastic surgery you really love that you have someone to share your netflix experience with. When you are single there is no one to argue with. You sit alone and watch documentaries about vagina plastic surgery all by yourself.
28. No one will join you on boring errands
Similar to putting up with complaints, boyfriends and girlfriends are obligated to accompany on boring errands, such as renewing your drivers license or grocery shopping. They can spice up an otherwise boring activity. When you are single you get to experience all this day to day boring crap alone. Lucky you.
29. Eating ice cream alone and looking like a pig versus looking cute
Eating 3 scoops of ice cream alone makes you look like a pig who is obsessed with ice cream. Sharing and swamping ice cream cones with your significant other is super cute.
30. You don’t get to have meaningful conversation with someone who understands you
Instead of having deep conversations that only you and a significant other who knows you all to well could have, you are forced to have surface conversation with a slew of people you probably don’t care about.
31. You can’t plan a vacation together
You can’t plan a vacation with your boyfriend because you don’t have one.
31. You can’t rent bixi’s together and go on a super cute/fun bike ride by the water
How are you supposed to engage in this super fun couples activity when you are alone and sad?
32. No one will tell you that you’ve had too much to drink
Boyfriends and girlfriends are usually pretty good at cutting each other off. They don’t want you to embarrass yourself and mostly they just want to avoid a fight/drama. When you are single no one is telling you to slow down with the tequila shots. Usually people are encouraging you and you end up making a fool out of yourself and you end the night without a boyfriend again.
33. No one will make out with you down by the waterfront
It’s so pretty here, especially at sunset, who is going to hold your hand and walk you down to the water and stick their tongue down your throat when you’re single? That guy you made out with last weekend at The hideout? He’s long gone…