Break ups are always the worst. Who gets to keep the bean bag chair? How are you going to pull off shared custody of the cat?
Whether it's your first break up or your tenth, you know that you have to look out for yourself regardless of how much it hurts. If you can feel your post-breakup life spiralling out of control though, just remember not to do these eight things and you'll make it through just fine.
1. Don't chug an entire bottle of gin and hit up that guy at the Roxy who sort of looks like a young John Travolta if you squint really, really hard
He's not cute, and you aren't in to him. You are drunk. Go find your best friends and get them to take you to a fast food restaurant and then run you a bubble bath. You will benefit from it, trust me.
2. Don't listen to Beyonce
That's right, not even Single Ladies. Especially not Irreplaceable. You might think it's going to be uplifting and empowering, until suddenly you realize that you don't want to be a single lady at all, and are actually quite replaceable. Cue the sobbing.
3. Don't go for a night time stroll along the Sea Wall by yourself
Looking out over the water....Taking in the Lions Gate Bridge all lit up... It may seem like a good idea, until you realize that everyone around you is holding hands and probably super in love. The last thing you need right now is to be around happy couples.
4. Save your crying for your lunch break
Yet another side effect of holding in your heartache, you can break down at any given moment, so don't let that moment be at work. As much as it totally sucks, cry in your car beforehand, or perhaps in the bathroom during your break. It's hard, but try and save it for when you're off the clock. Unless you have super rad co-workers, then let it all out, and as an added bonus, get paid for crying.
5. Don't go out for dinner at the Top of Vancouver revolving restaurant with your rebound
More than likely, you and your ex shared a couple dates here. Maybe it was even your go to anniversary spot. Regardless, posting pictures of you and your new boo to Instagram isn't going to make your ex jealous. It'll just make them think that you're trying to relive the past relationship with new person.
6. Don't second guess your decision
You probably did the right thing. Everyone ends up thinking their relationship was better than it actually was, so don't get sucked into the vortex of, "but who else is ever going to bring me that ultra tasty Mexican food from that restaurant I love when I've had a bad day?". The answer is literally anyone can do that. It's Mexican food, not a kidney. Lots of people will be willing.
7. Don't overshare on social media
Sure, tweeting about how they ruined your life and then following it up with 600 Drake quotes will probably make you feel better in the moment, but you're going to really freak out your friends. Everyone will be asking if you're okay, which means you're going to have to explain it over and over again, which really doesn't help you to heal. Plus it'll be super awkward if you get back together.
8. Don't try and find the smallest reasons to contact your ex
"Hey I just found that sock you lost at my place in 2011, is it cool if I come drop it off?"
9. Don't try and sabotage their life
While getting them fired from their job and setting all of their things on fire in their own driveway might seem like the ultimate form of getting closure at the time, I promise that one day you will look back on it and feel embarrassed and hopefully ashamed. Unless they cheated on you, or maybe killed your beloved hamster while you were on vacation. Then you do you.
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