24 Struggles Of Working At An East Vancouver Coffee Shop
Where EXACTLY is the bean from?
Hipster (n): Members of the subculture typically do not self-identify as hipsters, and the word hipster is often used as a pejorative to describe someone who is pretentious, overly trendy or effete. (Wikipedia)
Now that you're up to speed, hipsters basically breed in East Vancouver and they care deeply about three things: their bike, their beer, and their coffee. It's important to know that while a hipster acts like they don't give a fvck, they most certainly do. And if you mess up one of their three most beloved things...god speed.
Working at an East Van coffee shop was the most stressful job I ever had. That's a pretty bold statement but here's a list that will help explain why the struggle is most definitely real.
1. Everyone wants to know everything about their coffee.
"What country? What region? What city? What farm? Ethical? What colour were the beans when they first arrived?"
2. You've literally seen someone spit out a coffee that wasn't Fair Trade certified.
3. If it's not organic, are you even allowed to serve it in Vancouver?
4. That one West Van mom who orders a non-fat, decaf, no foam latte.
You must be lost.
5. Or worse, when they ask you to put an extra shot of decaf in.
6. Triple shots.
Just order 4 so I don't break your crema.
7. Having to mumble out hippie names you've never heard before.
And then being so wrong.
8. Explaining the difference between a latte and a cappuccino.
And then they ultimately default to an americano because this is East Van.
9. When people don't get why you don't offer house-made almond mylk like 49th Parallel.
10. Or have a hazelnut medley mylk like Matchstick.
WE'RE NOT THE SAME COMPANY.
12. Having to spell the wifi password: e-s-p-r-e-s-s-o.
13. When someone who comes in once a week thinks they're a regular.
I literally see Susan every day at 2PM, next.
14. When hipsters want to tell you what flavour profile they taste.
15. Being expected to know Starbucks sizes.
Does Starbucks even exist past West Broadway???
16. Making the most gorgeous micro-foam only to realize the drink was meant to be soy.
It's East Van, you should have just assumed.
17. That dreadful moment when you have to tell someone you're out of Lucky's Donuts.
18. BS-ing your way through the newest Single Origin because you haven't done a cupping yet.
19. Knowing that by your break all the METRO and 24 newspaper crosswords will be done.
Cool, guess I'll just do this sudoku.
20. Working at Revolver and feeling rushed by the person who ordered a pour-over.
If you want it you're going to have to wait for it.
21. Food bloggers.
Is everyone in Vancouver one?
22. Knowing full well you're out of GF vegan banana bread but having to pretend to look.
23. The judgy hipster eyes when you don't land the crema on their triple americano.
24.Knowing that no matter how perfect the latte art is it'll never end up on Instagram.
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