No, I am not a man-hater. And I do not wish everyday for the extinction of the male gene to happen. Like anybody, I am surrounded by male and female friends. And I do love hanging out with my bros. One thing that I do appreciate with my male friendships is the absence of drama that you often find with girls.
In my short existence, I've come to realize the sad but deeply rooted conception of human relationships. Questions that your girl friends ask you before a date like "what are you going to wear?" or advices like "impress him with sexy outfits". Apart from the fact that we are turning our body into an "object of desire", why would you want to hide yourself behind make up and a sexy outfit if you do really like the guy? Isn't it sad that girls feel the need to change themselves to get a guy?
Speaking of getting a guy, Matthew Humphrey the bestseller author of Get the guy, I am astonished that he is such a celebrity among my own gender. This British gentleman owns a weekly page on the Cosmopolitain Magazine in which he gives advices for women to find a guy. My favourite of all tips is to tell your crush "I feel safe around you". Ladies and gentleman, this is the #1 sentence you HAVE to tell to your crush to seduce him. Complimenting his masculinity. Depicting yourself fragile.
1. We would feel safer when gun control will be applied worldwide.
2. Do we actually need a man to feel safe? I have lived more single than in relationship so far, and I managed to become an adult without the protection of a man, thanks.
3. Why on Earth do we need anyone (man or woman) to tell us what to do to get a guy? Upon all, when faking who you are and behaving in a certain way has been the key to a successful relationship?
4. Finally, if we need some advice, why would you take it from a patronizing guy that will tell us what what to wear, how to react, or what to say? I do know we're living in society based on appearance, but supporting those standards won't help change it.
Yes, I am feminist. I do think that women and men should have equal recognition in their income, work and in society in general. Still, the passive acceptation of gender stereotypes like "women need men to feel safe and whole" makes me wonder if mindsets did change since the XIXth century. Jane Austen's novels and all the rom-com we've watched (and will watch) are a well of gender pre-conceived ideas. In 90 minutes, they convince us having a man on our side will make our life wonderful because being in relationship is what we need.
Among the top 5 bullshit norms we've been socialized in, the fact that relationships must involve a man and a woman that have to get married before 30 years old and have kids takes precedent. Holy rom-coms! Gay couples, couples who decide not to have children or unmarried couples are not normal! What a shame for women of 30 years old to still be single and not have children! The well-known private situation of Jennifer Aniston is a great example of heavy social norms. Standardization of relationships and how men and women should act to be in relationship has become an alarming phenomenon.
Beside, the main motor of those social standards is fear. This commonly known feeling is actually pushing a lot of people either to stay in a relationship that does not satisfy them or to rush towards the first person who's willing to date. Wonder why there is such an increase in divorce rates? When millions of women agree to change to become this beautiful, fragile and supportive being to get a guy is deplorable.
Girls, learn to love yourselves and be happy with who you are before letting anyone in your life. The expression "you need to love yourself before being able to love someone else" was created for a reason. You can find the most amazing guy ever and be happy with him, still you never know how long it's going to last. Both of you may grow up and go towards two different paths or distance may be too hard to handle... the list of breakups is long. At the end of the day, the only person you have to deal with is yourself. Being in my early twenties, I will keep changing and build who I am over the coming years. I don't want (and should not have) to change myself to be in a relationship. Figuring myself out is hard enough, adding someone else's personal inquiries is not something I want to deal with.
As we're approaching 8 billion people living on the Earth, I am pretty sure you will find someone when the time comes, no need to worry. If there's one thing I am sure of is "finding a boyfriend" at university or after university will not be my #1 goal. Best of all, I will never ever regret this decision.
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