We may be a part of "friendly Manitoba", but sometimes Winnipeggers can still act like a-holes. We're maniacal Jets fans, we're impatient drivers (esp. when it's 4:30 p.m. and we're stuck on southbound Pembina), and we love to complain about pretty much everything.
Fortunately for us, our wicked ways and bad behaviour are sometimes forgiven, at least within our city limits. But take your hostile habits elsewhere, and I'm willin' to bet that somebody will call you on it. To save you a dirty look or two (and maybe a slap in the face), I've managed to pinpoint a few things that make you an asshole pretty much anywhere else but Winnipeg.
Specifically requesting honey dill sauce when ordering chicken fingers.
Us Winnipeggers all know what it is (a gift from God, duh). But go somewhere else? Not so much. You could try and explain it, but I don't think you'd quite do it justice. Stick with the standard ketchup next time.
Not letting people in our lane when driving downtown.
Hey, it’s ok, we probably just didn’t see them through the thick layer of frost covering our entire windshield as we cruise down Portage Ave.
Cheering obnoxiously for the Jets.
We will not apologize for being the most outrageous fans in the NHL— we waited fifteen long years to have the boys back, and we're not letting them leave again.
Filling up the largest bowl we can possibly find with a Slurpee at 7-Eleven.
Let's face it, Bring Your Own Cup Day at 7-Eleven is practically a provincial holiday in Manitoba. We take it more seriously than the last election– I’ve seen fishbowls, ice cream pails, and rubber boots all used as Slurpee cups.
Making fun of our own city
Thanks to cheeky mentions in The Simpsons, The Office, Futurama, and The Mindy Project, us Winnipeggers are pretty used to being picked on. We've had to learn to laugh at ourselves (and grow a thick skin—literally) to survive here.
Not cancelling school/work/life when it's -40.
Any other city (*cough* Toronto *cough*) might shut down all services in extreme weather conditions— but Winnipeg? Nope. Our cold weather happens so frequently that not only are we expected to be at school, but we have to be on time with our assignment on the teacher’s desk— and “my sled dog ate my homework” just won’t cut it.
Throwing a party before our wedding to get people to give us money, gifts, and donation items.
We call it a social.
Gathering a few hundred people together in a field to get really drunk, destroy things, and injure themselves.
All I'm going to say is, Dauphin's Countryfest.
Complimenting a stranger's nips.
As long as they’re holding two cheeseburgers from Salisbury House, we're not really an asshole.
Booking off work almost every weekend in the summer.
Sorry, but it's Folk Fest. And then Jazz Fest. And then Folklarama is happening— oh, and before that is Icelandic Fest. Maybe I should just quit...
Avoiding eye contact with people we know.
From River Heights to Transcona, it’s such a small city with so much potential to run into people we don’t want to see—so it’s really better for everyone if we don’t try and make casual chit-chat with our cheating ex-boyfriend next to the scalding hot coffee pot at Stella’s.
Parking outside of the lines in the St. Vital Centre parking lot in the winter
A Winnipeg mall parking lot in snowy December looks a lot like a game of bumper cars (hence the cheeky meme that went viral in our city). There’s really no rhyme or reason for the way people park—diagonally, horizontally, horribly, poorly, idiotically...
Having serious road rage.
If it’s not the huge potholes every few feet on St James Street, it’s the confusing one-way streets downtown, or the overcautious drivers who refuse to go more than 20 km/hr on hwy1 after the first snowfall. There’s always something to rage about and really, who can blame us?
Wearing shorts the second the temperatures rise above freezing.
In any other city, you’d be ridiculed for wearing shorts when it’s still parka weather. In Winnipeg, these bare legs are a (pale and hairy) ray of hope after a long, dark winter. You go girl!