What's a girl to do when it's a Friday night in Winnipeg in the middle of January and she wants to go out?
The answer is probably not stay home, even though it's -40 outside and everything in the city is coated in a thick layer of ice.
Winnipeg girls are tough, and instead we strap on our sturdiest heels, smear on our darkest lipstick and brave the cold in the tiniest of dresses. Here are a couple more struggles we must face:
1. Having to slather on endless amounts of fake tan on your legs and arms.
It's the only way to NOT look sickly pale in your bar outfit (other than wearing a pantsuit—but we'll take the orange tan). It's all good and well until you take a guy home and he stares concerningly at your white stomach and tanned limbs.
2. Wearing sweatpants and Sorels underneath your dress to wait in line at The Pal.
And then coat checking them both. #NoShame in your game.
3. Losing your coat check ticket.
You had it after your 4th vodka cran, and while you were helping that drunk girl cry into her puke in the bathroom. Maybe if you slip him a 20, the coat check dude will let you leave with somebody's Canada Goose parka instead.
4. Puking in the snow in your front yard when you get home that night.
And having it solidify and stay there, frozen, until spring, as a daily reminder of all the bad decisions you made.
5. Getting salt stains on all your favourite booties.
And every time you drop it low, having to look at those ugly rings of white all over your brand new Steve Madden ankle boots. So not cute.
6. Heading directly to McDonald's after the bar at 2AM.
It's cold out, and you need 3 junior chickens to warm you up (and absorb those last couple tequila shots you downed at last call).
7. Waking up at 3pm the next day and have it already starting to get dark outside.
Welp, it's dark out. Guess it's time to start drinking again.
8. Braving the storm because you just HAVE to go to Upstairs in The Village tonight.
The hot bartender is working and you've almost perfected all the moves to the latest Rihanna song. Who cares if there's a raging blizzard outside and police are advising people to stay home unless it's an emergency. The lonely, brooding bartender is an emergency in your books.
9. Risking your bare fingers and toes to flag down a taxi.
Because even though Winnipeg's a small city, it feels like there's never a taxi when you need one. Like when it's -40 with the windchill and you're wearing a backless minidress from Shout.