12 Things That Would Make You An Asshole Everywhere Except Ottawa
Sorry not sorry.
Yes, Ottawa is a friendly city. But we all have our asshole moments. Like getting on the bus before people have gotten off. Why do you do that? Stop.
We also forgive pretty easily and get over things fast. I mean, we are Canadian, so if someone does something to us, we'll most likely be the ones to say sorry. A lot of our behaviours in Ottawa get a free pass just because we're so used to all of these things. No one will judge you, because we've all been there. And if someone does, then they're clearly not from Ottawa.
So here are 12 things that make you an asshole everywhere except Ottawa:
Making fun of your own city
We are notorious for making fun of Ottawa, but if anyone else does it, it's not okay. We get that we're boring, but don't you dare tell us that. We'll try our best to prove you wrong, even if we think we're lying. You'll never know.
Hating on cyclists
Our city is just too small, especially downtown. With all of the accidents happening recently involving cars and cyclists, we are finding ourselves complaining way more about it. Safety first, kids!
Not shovelling your driveway in the winter
We're lazy. It comes down to that. Does anyone really want to shovel 30+ inches of snow after a long day of work? Not at all. Not shovelling your driveway is a way of saying 'I don't want to live here anymore'. We get you, we really do.
Cancelling on plans because of the weather
It's either too hot or too cold. There is no in between. Anywhere else people would laugh and say just kidding, but here, we take the weather very seriously. You want me to go downtown when there's a 40% chance of a snowstorm? Not happening.
Taking a week off of work in the summer for Bluesfest
Linda, honey, listen. Sometimes, when fun stuff in Ottawa comes around, you gotta take advantage of it. Our Bluesfest lineups are (most of the time) amazing, and you deserve to take a day or two or a week off of work to enjoy yourself.
Wearing flip flops as soon as it gets slightly warmer
While there is still snow on the ground too. It might sound incredibly impatient, but for sure, it's the sign of the light at the end of the tunnel. You can't blame us for wanting to break out the flip flops as soon as the weather isn't in the negatives anymore. It's called fashion.
Not paying for OC Transpo by going through the back doors
OC Transpo is so expensive. Let's not argue that. So when we have the chance, and we think it'll be our lucky day that the bus police don't come on board and scare us shitless, we take the risk. Everyone and their mom has done this, and it's not reason to judge. Sometimes you just don't want to pay and we all need to accept that.
Bragging about working for the government
You're not an asshole, you're just lucky. And we're all jealous. We may want to punch you in the face, however, we won't because we want connections. Can you hook us up?
Defining people by where they live in the city
Orleans? That far, eh? Yes, this happens. And you can't blame us. How we've grown up is by asking people where they're from, and learning about our different neighbourhoods off of that. Don't worry, we'll still talk to you if you're from Vanier.
Not wanting to talk about politics 24/7
That's literally the only news we ever hear about here. We know. And we truthfully probably don't care. No, we have not met Justin Trudeau. He probably doesn't roam the streets shaking hands with people all day everyday.
Saying 'Hundo P' way too often
Hundo P = 100%. Seriously, who came up with this? We don't have too many slang words in Ottawa, but this is a favourite. If someone is right about something, you can bet someone will answer with this. Would this be annoying everywhere else? Hundo P. But here it's totally normal.
Pretending to care if the Sens win or lose
C'mon, guys. How long has it been? Most people are over it deep down, but we want to pretend like they won't let us down. I think we're all starting to realize we'd rather watch a REDBLACKS game, and that's cool. But we want to support our city, so we'll keep on pretending.
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