Let's first get this straight: Ottawa may be the last city in the world where you'll get punched. Even if you do, we'll just be apologizing days on end 'cause we'd feel so bad. We love a lot of things, like you, even if we haven't met you yet. But like everybody, we got our little ticks.
Ottawa is the laid back forgotten middle child of its brother and sister cities, Toronto and Montreal. It's quaint and, like all middle children, it has a lot of unseen potential. It's a big small town of one million and you're always bound to meet somebody who knows you on the street. We're all here to welcome you.
To make that welcome warmer, here are 12 things to avoid doing so you don't tick off your new Ottawa friends.
1. Being that guy on the OC Transpo.
Sitting in the cooperative seating during rush hour or blasting deathcore with your Skull Candy earphones. You know who you are.
3. Cycling on Bank Street.
Even though Ottawa's a bike-friendly city, there's really no space.
4. Being the friend in the squad who recommends going to Hull.
Anywhere but, please.
5. Swimming in the Ottawa River.
And acting like you didn't do anything wrong. Don't touch me.
6. Wearing brand clothing in the Glebe.
What are you doing here?
7. Your university.
When a Raven meets a Gee Gee or a Gee Gee meets a Raven, things can get ugly.
8. Complaining about your government job.
Paid holidays, six-digit salaries, amongst other perks. Please.
9. Your Leafs jersey.
OK, we get it. You think you're better than us. But when was the last time you made the playoffs again?
10. Wearing a light jacket in the winter.
What are you trying to prove?
11. Picking up Bridgehead instead of Timmies.
The trend ain't happening.
12. Punching someone in Ottawa.
Because Ottawa is the biggest small town in the world. If you punch one of us, you punch us all.
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