There's no question that La La Land was the buzz of this Hollywood awards season. And, hey, for about 30 seconds, it was the Best Picture of the Year.
But the question remains, what if the Oscar-winning picture took place, well, here. In Ottawa. What would a movie about an aspiring actress in Hollywood look like if it were set in a small government town in Canada?
We took our creative liberties to the test and figured out what could have been:
The (bilingual) opening musical number would take place on the Queensway.
And since it's Ottawa, people would be complaining for days.
Mia would work at Tim Horton's.
She'd spill a double-double on her way to an audition for a CBC TV show that celebrates Canadian heritage.
Her friends would try to get her to find someone in the crowd at Tequila Jack's.
To no avail, she immediately regrets it.
Sebastian would try to open up his own jazz club on Elgin.
But he's finding it really, really hard since everything cool that opens up in Ottawa closes down really quickly.
Seb and Mia would have their first dance at Nepean Point.
Mia would totally bail on a date with her government boyfriend at JOEY Lansdowne to see Seb.
No government job and six-digit salary is stopping a girl from seeing Ryan Gosling in Ottawa.
Like, this girl is head over heels that Ryan Gosling is in Ottawa.
So, Seb and Mia would catch a screening of Rebel Without A Cause at the Mayfair.
But, the old 35mm film print would burn out so...
They would go sneak into the Science and Tech Museum and fall in love there.
After the date, Seb would go off and sing City of Sinkholes at Petrie Island.
Are you sinking just for me?
And then John Legend would show up out of nowhere.
Which is really weird, because no big celebrities come to Ottawa.
And he would convince Seb to make music in Toronto.
Which makes sense, 'cause why are you trying to become a famous jazz artist in Ottawa.
Mia would quit Tim Horton's to open a one-woman show at the Great Canadian Theatre Company.
But nobody shows up because it's Hockey Night in Canada.
So she breaks up with Seb, quits acting in Ottawa and moves back in with her parents in Barrhaven.
'Cause that is what you do.
But she eventually gets a casting call in Vancouver and decides to move out there to become a famous actress.
Because why are you in a government city, Emma Stone.
And Seb stays in Ottawa for the rest of his life and opens up his own successful club in Kanata.
Because that is the most Ottawa way to end a story.
But Mia can never stop wondering if she regrets becoming a famous actress instead of ending up with Ryan Gosling in Ottawa.
No, but seriously.
What an ending to a movie, eh.
But I suppose not everyone gets a happy ending.
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