With chilly weather comes cuffing season. If you have actually been talking to a Toronto guy for a while now, there is a good possibility he may want to and be ready to settle down. Now that fall is here, turtlenecks are in and bikinis are out. With that in mind, he might not want to leave the house to score anymore and doesn't want to spend every weekend roaming the club scene in search of a bae.
However, being single with the start of cuffing season is a different story. Guys who haven't talked to you in months will randomly text you out of the blue and suddenly want to chill. As tempting as it might be to welcome the season of cuddling with a Breaking Bad marathon next to a Toronto cutie remember, it's too little too late. No matter how cold it gets or how badly you wish you had someone to snuggle with, don't forget he is also the guy who ghosted you in the past. Grab a blanket and a bottle of wine if the fall winds are too cold for you.
Look out for these 11 texts you're guaranteed to receive from a Toronto guy this cuffing season.
1. "Hey you."
He uses the word "you" as if you are already his. It is like any other generic term of affection, like "baby" - just don't, save yourself the characters. Do you even remember my name? Or do the names of all the girls you meet at Apt. 200 just blend into one another after a while? It was easier for him to say "Hey you" instead of texting "Hey Brittany" to someone named Amber. Calling someone "you" is suppose to feel cute and personal, but it does not have that affect when it comes from someone you haven't spoken to in months.
2. "How have you been lately?"
The most classic of all cuffing season texts. The all impending "how have you been" text - as if it has been ages since the two of you have talked and were tragically torn apart by some sort of major disaster. Or, more realistically, you two hooked up after a night at Locals Only and he has been texting you on and off ever since. Maybe he would actually know how you have been if he texted you more than a couple times every three months. How do you even respond to a question like that? Yeah, I have a new job, got a dog, dyed my hair but you would already know all that if you actually cared.
3. "Did you catch that Jays games the other day?"
Okay, enough small talk. Lets cut to the chase and get to the point already. Everyone in Toronto has been keeping up with the Blue Jays; don't try and make them a you and me thing. Tell me what you want so I can shut you down and continue on with my life. Don't try and flirt your way into my pants because it is not going to work. A girl doesn't need a man each cuffing season, she just needs her cheetah print snuggie.
4. "Are you going out to Everleigh tonight?"
Where I go in my free time should be none of your concern. As soon as you tell him what you are doing and where you are going, he is guaranteed to make an appearance. He will act like it is such a surprise to see you out when he is really just borderline stalking you. He wants to meet up with you at the bar so he can qualify it as hanging out. He wants to substitute bar hopping for dates, thereby playing mind games with you. He will make it seem like the two of you are an item during cuffing season but once spring hits, it is back to ghost town for him.
5. "We should go to Sidestreet for drinks sometime."
Except you don't know if he actually wants to go out for drinks or if he is just trying to set up as many dates as possible to ensure the most success this cuffing season. Like I said before, it is much easier to drink a bottle of wine alone under some fuzzy blankets on your couch than struggle through the rain and snow in your heels to grab some trendy cocktail when you know his only goal is to take you home for some "cuddling."
6. "Are you still seeing that guy from U of T?"
No I am not and you already know that because my relationship status changed on Facebook to single a couple weeks back. He just wants you to put it in fine print for him, thus opening the flood gates for his slick moves and flirty ways. He wants you to blatantly say you are single - reaffirming it for him but also for yourself. He thinks you being single means you are actively looking for a partner for cuffing season. Wrong. A girl has to learn to be okay with cuddling herself before she starts cuddling others.
7. "Why don't we hang out anymore?"
Hmm... maybe because we never hung out in the first place? Name one instance where we hung out in a sober setting and had a genuine conversation - you can't. We have never spent an afternoon at the ROM together, walked around Trinity-Bellwoods, took a photo below the Distillery District heart or any other couple activity in Toronto. Unless you count that time he walked you home from The Addisons and tried to invite himself upstairs but you didn't let him. Then yeah sure, you two have hung out once prior.
8. "Come cuddle me."
Umm how about no? I know the weather is getting cooler and all, but how did we go from talking about one another's days to that? No, I'm not just going to come over at this hour to cuddle. We both know the word "cuddle" is code for something else. And we also both know nothing good ever happens at his King West bachelor pad after midnight. So don't waste your time and just skip it. No girl should rush over to a guy's apartment whenever he says so. Make him wait for it and if he stays around, then maybe it's more than just a seasonal cuff.
9. "I'm really craving some sushi right now, maybe I should use UberEATS."
And his next question will be something along the lines of asking you to come over and join him for take out sushi with a side of Netflix & Chill - but you both know that's not actually what he means. I don't care what you do, order delivery from North of Brooklyn in your underwear for all I care, but don't use take out as a bride to get me to come over - don't ever treat something as sacred as take out like that. You lost your chance of cuffing a Toronto girl the second you used food against her.
10. "I miss you."
Really? Because I wasn't aware that you and I were even a thing that could be missed. I miss warm enough weather for iced coffees, I miss my family members, I miss the days when the Rogers Centre was called the SkyDome, on Mondays I miss the weekend but no, I don't miss you nor should you miss me either. This is just a typical cuffing technique to make the girl feel desired; do not fall for it.
11. "You should add me on Snapchat ;)"
A winkie face? Well, that escalated quickly. Adding him on Snapchat would not be wise for you - we all know what his real intentions are. He is going to use Snapchat to send you nudes, more winkie faces and gym selfies at GoodLife, which you definitely do not need or want. He is secretly hoping that you will send him some sexy pics back, which he thinks will lead to some late night action - or cuddling as he likes to put it. However, he is sadly mistaken.