Fuckboys are one of the male species worst breeds. No one is sure exactly what hole they crawled out of, or how they simply multiply in number. Where do they get their strength? Where do they learn their somewhat innate sense of douchbaggery? Who can say?
READ MORE: 13 Ways To Deal With A Toronto Fuck Boy
Fuckboys range in size, colouring and species making them almost impossible to spot at first glance. This unfortunately means it's all too easy to stumble upon a true human nightmare and actually go out with them. These are true life accounts of some cringe-worthy Toronto fuckboys in all their debauchery.
1. A token of my gratitude
"I once fucked a guy, slept over at his house and he legitimately not-so-discretely gave me a TOKEN to go home the next morning. I couldn't find my shoes but he didn't care, so I went home barefoot. In November."
2. Sleep-it's sooooo-over
"I hooked up with this guy who BEGGED me to stay over. Literally, begged me for a good half hour to sleep at his place. He bribed me with brunch at my favourite place the next morning and I eventually caved. When I woke up, he was already getting ready to head out. No breakfast, no nothing. Uber was glitching out on my phone and wouldn't let me use the app, so I asked him to order one for me. He declined, despite having the cash to live in a multi-million dollar apartment. We walked out, he left and I ended up waiting outside his place for a friend to order me an Uber instead."
3. Say my name, say my name
"I'd been fucking this guy for a little while. Maybe on our third or fourth time together, he yelled Victoria during sex...my name is Andi."
4. Old-school fool
"I went on a date with a guy who told me going to university was 'unnecessary' for me because I'd spend my life raising kids. Needless to say, first and last date. Might try dating a girl from 1950 next time."
5. A-door this one
"I drove up to a small town to see a guy I liked from school one night last summer. We spent the night together and woke up to someone knocking on the door. He went down to see who it was and was taking suspiciously long. When I walked down to see what was up, there was a girl in the hallway. A girl he'd been fucking since he'd gotten home from school. When he saw me see her his face just dropped. She was nice though, smiled and waved."
6. Rock n'ridiculous
"I'd been talking to this musician for a couple weeks via Tinder. We had very flirty, fun conversation - I was pretty down. He invited me to a show his band was playing. I didn't know if I could make it at the time, but I told him I'd swing by if I was around. I show up the day of the show, only for him to act super suss to me. Nervous, not making eye contact, looking pretty jumpy. When we were talking, or trying to, a girl came up and kissed him. His girlfriend :):)"
7. Billie, those aren't your jeans
"I was getting dressed after a night with this guy, when I couldn't find my jeans from the night before. I knew I was sleeping over, so I brought a skirt for the next day, but still wasn't going to up and leave without my pants lol. When I asked him if he saw them, he said no, but before I left I saw them folded outside of his sister's room?? When I pointed out that those were in fact my pants he said that they looked "too small" to be mine. True."
8. Cheater, cheater, pic deleter
"I bumped into my ex one night at a club after not seeing him for a year. He looked great, but I knew he had been dating a girl for a while. Their recent pics were deleted and I was suspicious as to whether he was actually single or not. When we were talking he mentioned how he and his GF had broken up, how over her he was, etc. We ended up going home together, spending the night, rekindling. When I got back to my place, he uploaded an Instagram with the caption, "Can't believe Insta deleted this shot of me and my girl but happy 6-months baby!"
9. Fuck Girl Ghost-Station
"I had been talking to this girl for a bit via DMs - strictly sexual stuff. We decided we'd meet up at a local GO station in between our places. I picked up a bottle wine and messaged her when I got to the station with no reply. Considering she'd answered my messages within the minute, I found this super suss. I messaged her again only to find her Instagram completely disabled. Ended up drinking the bottle on my way to another girl's place. Way she goes."
10. Fuck-Boy Confession
"I can be a bit of a piece of shit, I'll admit it. I like talking to a bunch of girls at the same time to figure out who I mess with and who I don't. I'll invite a bunch of girls over for a party - with other buffer friends of course - to decide who I like and who I don't. None of them really know that I'm seriously talking to all of them, and by the end of the night the ones I'm not into usually get the hint to leave. By the end of each party I have one or two good girls to fuck and depending how the sex is, they either join the roster or I start fresh the next week #shameless."
"I went out with a dude very casually one summer. He was super hot, the sex was great, but he ended up going to Thailand for a couple months vacation. I'm from Thailand, so we both thought it was very cool that he was visiting my roots. We kept things chill and didn't really set up any rules or expectations. I kept up with him on Instagram only to see that he posted a pic with two girls that looked eerily similar to me. Like could've been my sisters. I messaged him later to ask him if he missed me but he drunkily replied that his "yellow fever was 103 degrees." Blocked. Deleted. Forgotten."
12. Head over heels
"During a rebound, I hooked up with one of my ex's friends, Matt. We messed around for about a month but never actually fucked, which I found weird. I'd go down on him and him on me but he always passed out before we actually got down to it. We kind of drifted and I ended up bumping into him at the bar one night. Being a little tipsy, I called him out on the ghosting and the weird no-sex. He confessed that he "doesn't like to fuck until [his] heart gets a boner." Duly noted."