Alright, so you have found the perfect guy. He is smart, funny and down-to-earth; the only problem is he all of a sudden just disappears after the first or second date. Why does this keep happening? You are left wondering what went wrong - overanalyzing every text message and searching social media to see if he has another girl. However, his ghosting might have more to do with you than you think.
Don't freak out, but you may be scaring him away with out realizing it. Guys are pretty simple, but they are easily frightened so we have to tread the dating waters lightly. One wrong move and they bolt. If you don't make these common mistakes when you first start dating a guy, he may be more likely to stick around.
Here are a 12 things you could be doing that are scaring away Toronto guys without you knowing it.
1. You text him too much.
For starters, guys and girls text very differently. He does not need to know what you had for breakfast, what's going on at work, what you plan on doing later, what your favourite colour is and what you did for your Grade 8 birthday party all in the same day. Take a step back and relax. Guys do not want to have long conversations over text because they would rather hear a story in person. They prefer to use texts for logistical purposes only, like where and when he should pick you up. Always keep in mind that when getting to know someone new your texts should remain short, fun and flirty. And avoid sending too many. Taking things slow is never a bad thing.
2. You get jealous too easily.
Everyone catches the little green jealousy monster from time to time, however, a good rule of thumb is to not get jealous unless he gives you a reason to be jealous. Guys love a strong, confident women who does not get easily jealous. Being jealous too often for no real reason shows you are insecure and most likely not ready for a serious commitment. Be yourself and be confident in who you are. He asked you out in the first place because he likes you, so there is no need to be jealous over random girls who aren't anything like you. Being comfortable in your own skin is key to developing a serious relationship with someone.
3. You aren't spending enough time with your friends.
It is important to maintain a social life when you first start seeing someone new because you do not want your guy to think you don't have any friends. Guys like girls who have a social life. When girls repeatedly ditch their friends to spend all their time with their guy, they look clingy. This is a huge turnoff for guys. Having friends shows that a guy isn't going to be the centre of your universe and it tells the guy that he will have to put in more effort to spend time with you. This is a plus because it gives you two much more to talk about when you do spend time together. It also shows that relationships are important to you, so he knows you will treat his relationship the same way.
4. You get mad over little things.
Unless there is a legit reason, no couple should be fighting in the early stages of a relationship. If you have just started hanging out with someone and you two have already had multiple fights, there is a problem. Of course there are certain things you can get angry about, like if he completely blows you off for someone else for example. But if you get angry over stupid little things, you are sure to send him running for the hills. There is no need to freak out over every little thing so keep your composure when little things bug you. Remember to keep your cool; somethings just are not worth the stress.
5. You overshare.
Sharing is never a bad thing, however, there is a time and a place. You do not need to share every little detail about your life on the first date. A healthy relationship usually starts off fun and light and you should not be baring your souls to one another till after a couple months. A major part of building a connection is being able to trust your significant other with the more private things about yourself. Although very important, you should avoid getting too deep too soon. If a relationship becomes too intense too quickly, it is likely to end just as fast. Opening up to one another should happen naturally, and it will if you give the relationship time and space.
6. You drop all your hobbies/interests for him.
Guys want a girl who is passionate and interesting and in order to have anything interesting to talk to him about, you actually have to go out and do stuff. It is tempting to spend all your time with a new guy, however, it is important to keep up with the things you love to do because they make you who you are. They also make you that much more interesting and alluring to him. Not only do your hobbies and interests make you an enticing person to be with, they also make your life well-rounded. You won't be constantly focusing on your new guy because you have other equally as important things to focus on. As intimidating as she may be, guys are attracted to the girl boss.
7. You talk badly about other women.
This is a big no-no. Talking badly about other women is just another way girls show their insecurities and guys can see right through it. If you are hating on another girl, it can give men the impression that you are a difficult person to deal with and that you lack self-confidence. Dudes are not usually into gossiping so don't waste time talking badly about your fellow ladies; it just looks bad on your part. Guys do not like drama so don't spend your first date acting like a drama queen. While it is fine to have opinions, it is time to stop criticizing other girls. Spread girl power and get the guy, instead of being a bitch and scaring him away.
8. You start pushing for commitment too soon.
No, he does not have to change his relationship status by the end of the first date. It is always good to understand where a potential relationship is heading, but guys will feel pressure to commit if you are probing them too often and too early on. So with that said, when is it the right time to have "the talk?" Well, to be honest, there is never a "right" time, however, you should never have to force it out of him. If he is into you and wants to commit to something serious, he will bring up the conversation himself. Don't forget that if the relationship is not progressing like you want, you always have the option of walking away. Something better might be waiting for you elsewhere.
9. You ask too many questions.
This is a first date, not an interrogation. No guy wants to go through 20 questions every time you talk. It is polite to ask, "What did you do last night?" However, it is annoying to be like, "Who were you with? Where did you go? Was your ex there? What time did you leave?" Intrusive questions are annoying for anyone and just make you seem possessive and mildly crazy. Guys do not have to account for every second of their time nor do you have to investigate their life - this is especially true at the start of a potential relationship. Removing a guy's privacy and suffocating him is a sure way to drive him away for good.
10. You "like" everything he does online.
We get it, you are a social butterfly and want to spread your wings. But liking everything your new guy does online is a surefire way to freak him out. Commenting on all of his stuff, posting tons of pictures he didn't even realize you took or adding all of his friends are things that will definitely scare him away. If you like every single thing he puts on Facebook or Instagram, he is going to think you are living for what he posts. To him, it appears obsessive and, to be brutally honest, kind of creepy. Be sure to have your own life outside of him and show him that you do. Don't start suddenly acting like the two of you are already in love on Facebook.
11. You try to look at his phone.
Don't be that girl - nobody likes her. You might think he does not notice you trying to glance over his shoulder at his screen as he answers a text, but he does - and he does not like it. Just don't do it - it is awkward and it will make him feel uncomfortable. What he does on his own phone is his own business and whether he wants to share that business with you is up to him and him alone. Do not pry for information. Would you like it if he was trying to snoop through your phone? Of course not, so give him the privacy he deserves.
12. You compare him to your ex.
Of course everyone has a past, but the start of a relationship is not the time to dive deep into that past. What's worse is when you start comparing him to your exes. Of course it is fine to discuss your exes with your girlfriends, but potential boyfriends want no part of this. It is an instant deal breaker. No guy wants to know that he has the same hair colour as your last guy or that he and your ex went to the same school or that they both wear similar smelling colognes or really anything at all about your ex boyfriend. To him, the comparisons just sound like you aren't over your exes yet.