Some of us love to hate our past relationships. We look back in reflection and only see the bad points, and where things went wrong. However, I think there's a big piece that we all tend to miss when we move on from a relationship.
You need to thank your ex. "For what?" Well, a lot actually. There's a good chance that you wouldn't be who you are today without the stepping stones created by you and your ex. The fights, the adventures, and the long conversations. Each aspect of our past relationships, romantically and otherwise, have shaped the people we've become. Highs and lows, we learned from these bonds, so let's take another look at what exactly we took in.
1. Trust is the foundation of any solid relationship.
We put the "us" in "trust". Without trust, there is limited communication and room for anxiety and harm. Trust is healthy, and a necessary asset.
2. Always go with your gut.
If you think someone is acting shady, it's likely that they are. Confront the situation as you see fit, and address the problem before it creates something a lot worse.
3. Wandering eyes mean wandering hearts.
Do yourself and your partner a favour and be honest about this. If either of you are considering other partners or ventures, then do the civil thing and part ways before someone's heart gets broken. As well, what goes around comes around.
4. Don't fall for lengthy excuses.
"I was at my friend's house and didn't have service." All night? Unlikely. Again, see #2. Trust your instinct when someone tries to talk around a subject or situation you had an issue with. Remember: there's a reason you feel the way that you do.
5. Disagreements are healthy.
However, if you're fighting too often or at an escalated level constantly, it's not worth it. Your mental and emotional well-being are far more important.
6. You aren't crazy.
The only thing "crazy" about you is putting up with someone's bullshit for far too long. Be confident in who you are, as well as your natural reactions to sketchy situations. If someone has given you reason to worry, you have every right to that.
7. You don't always get what you put into a relationship.
No matter the amount of time and effort you put into a situation and someone, they will almost never give you exactly what you expect back. In some cases, you may be asking too much, but most often your effort should be reciprocated back to you.
8. It's okay to miss someone.
Even someone that was "toxic". This is normal, and a part of the healing process. There will always be things that will remind you of them and keep in mind that this is okay. It's natural.
9. Communication is key.
There is no relationship without communication! You need to keep each other in tune with how you're feeling, what you want, and what you expect. Otherwise, success and a future are futile.
10. Sometime's distance isn't a bad thing.
You need space and time apart. If you're spending all of your time with this person, that's not healthy. Make sure you have friends outside of the relationship, as well as time with family. Your partner is important, but shouldn't be your entire world.
11. There is no excuse for someone putting their hands on you violently.
Anyone, ever, no matter how low-key you think it is. Don't make excuses for them, or anyone that does so. Self-explanatory.
12. "The one" can change.
Just because you thought he/she was the one, and it's over now, doesn't mean that there won't be another. There will be!
13. It's perfectly okay to change your mind.
No matter how long you've been together, sometimes it just doesn't work out. They may have changed, or you may have outgrown them, there are a lot of possibilities. It happens, it's common, and you shouldn't feel guilty about ending it mutually. Things change, and that's life.
14. There is NO perfect relationship.
It may have seemed like it, but nobody's perfect! Don't let anyone feel like you have to be. Life is the messy bits!
15. Time heals.
I know, cliché right? But it's true. Time really does help the situation, and you will get over them no matter how hard it seems in the moment. Take the tools they've given you, and everything you've learned, and you can only improve from here. Say thank you, and go on your way.