Dating in the city isn't easy, okay? As much as we'd like to think that there are Drakes, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Goslings that exist within the 416 and 647, they are not in the office, at Dineen or on Tinder.
But every so often we stumble along a celebrity stunt double who miiiight be worthy of the leading role in our love lives. So we smile, we flirt, and eventually - date.
While some dates end up in the hall of fame - be it beautiful lakeside strolls, the perfect rooftop patio or an amazing dinner for two - other dates... can make you wish you just stayed home.
All terrible dates have their warning signs. Here are a couple to keep in mind the next time you take your right swipe into your nightlife.
1. They're late
Not 5-10 minutes, but venturing into 15-20 minute territory. With no TTC delays, heavy traffic, or even a heads-up text, being late is just rude. Nothing says I don't wanna be here like showing up to meet someone that's already finished their drink.
2. They ordered for you/expected you to split their appetizer
Ordering for someone can be very sweet when a couple knows each other's likes and dislikes, but to chance it on a first or even second date is not the most chill. ex. I'm lactose intolerant so when I said I didn't want any of your mozzarella sticks, I meant it. Please stop waving them in my face/putting them in or around my mouth.
3. They're rude to your waiter
!!!!!!! Red flag!!!! Red flag!!!! Toronto service staff go through hell with the sheer volume and variety of people they serve each night. People who are rude to waiters, servers and bartenders should always be avoided!! If your date is treating a stranger - who has done nothing wrong to them - poorly, how would they treat you if you were in a fight???
4. They only talk about themselves
You feel like you could write a short novella about Dr. McDreary and his life troubles after a mere half hour. His dad works construction, his mom is a nurse at Sick Kids and his sisters go to Queens and Laurier but you're still not sure if he remembers your Instagram handle.
5. Aaaaaand they overshare. A lot.
You were just trying to ask if they like to travel & suddenly you're wrapped up in a story about how they got stuck in a port-a-potty with their ex at Osheaga. Even for a third or fourth date - TMI.
6. Or they're not talking. At all.
Some people are shy, but most aren't mute. It can be tedious to drive conversation that revolves around you and your date - especially if you're just getting to know each other, or aren't that out-going yourself!
7. You have completely different tastes in humour
Ask anyone what they're top 3 characteristics in the opposite sex are and sense of humour is probably up there. You make an Anziz Ansari reference, and he thinks you're talking about third-world politics. Just because he likes Will Ferrell, it doesn't mean game over. It just means you might be fighting over what movies/stand-up to queue on Netflix.
8. They are really negative! !
About random things no one needs to be negative about? Like the restaurant lighting, a person's outfit or a Yonge Street busker?? No one wants to be around someone that makes you and others feel worse than better.
9. They're wasteful
You know the food at Buca is incredible, yet they've only had 2 bites of their sirloin and are ready to have the waiter whisk it away. No box, no bag, no explanation. Some dumpster divers are gunna be eating guuuud tonight.
10. Or just as bad - they're cheap
Young adults are usually on budgets - being poor af students, or people just getting started in their jobs - but being overly conscious of your date's spending or the bill can be really awkward. There is nothing wrong with splitting a bill as long as you're casual about it. If your date was expecting a freebie, they can try a Denny's on their birthday.
11.They're constantly checking their phone
Between telling you how great they are at lacrosse or rhythmic gymnastics, they're scrolling ever feed imaginable. Unless they're doing a Snapchat takeover for DJ Khaled or Kylie Jenner, their iPhone can take a break.
12. They order something stupidly expensive - and expect you to split the bill
Sorry, what? You drank all 6 glasses of that gold-flecked champagne - that's alllll you homie.
13. They're super out of the loop with your interests
You don't know who John Snow is? How about Mike Ross?? Kanye West? Gordon Ramsay?? ?
14. They get embarrassingly sloppy
Sure, everyone gets nervous on a big date but not everyone drowns themselves in double rum and cokes. Slobbery, sloppy and inappropriate is a slippery slope that leads us to...
15. They're overtly sexual
When someone says they're going to 'make you a mother' before the bill comes, it might be a good time to go to the bathroom and never come back.
16. Or on the flip side, they haven't touched you at all
There is definitely a level of comfort each person has when it comes to romantic relationships - and new ones at that. I'm not a Biology major but if your date swerved out of a hug, or hasn't reached for your hand all evening, maybe this is a misconnection.
17. They're rushing through the night
You might actually be enjoying yourself and your date's company, but they seem to be in a major rush. Speeding through their dinner and drinks, and making a time stamp for when they need to make an exit. Either they have a secret life they need to return to, another late night date, or they just aren't that into you. No use wasting time on someone who isn't interested in you. On to the next one.
18.They stick you with the bill
Unless you're tight with the Eatons, no one is expecting to date a millionaire in Toronto. But if you're going to invite someone out for dinner and drinks, you should have money to pay your own way. That goes for guys, and girls #feminism
19. They cat-fished
And not an innocent that-pic-was-from-my-skinny-summer catfish. But a full on, no resemblance to their online identity. In the age of internet dating, Catfishing is alive, well, and pretty scary. If someone isn't honest enough with you to put their true self forward, they are not ready to start any kind of honest relationship. Get outta there, girl.
20. Neither of you makes eye contact at the end of the night
Forget a kiss - even a hug could make you sick at this point. You seriously thought about going for a hand-shake.
21. Or brings up a second date
For a good reason, too. If you checked yes to any of the signs above, congrats on avoiding a D-list dbag.
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