The Real Difference Between Men And Women When It Comes To Relationships
Slowly figuring out the opposite sex.
Men and women are basically entirely different species. A girl may say she hangs with the guys more than her girlfriends or a guy may in fact be more sensitive than the average, however, they are still from completely different and separate planets. If you have not read it, you have probably heard of John Gray’s popular book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. The book focuses on improving relationships between men and women understanding the communication style and emotional needs of each gender because yes, they are very different.
Men and women have completely different natures, but hopefully this article will help to clarify things and provide a better understanding of such differences. Men and women need to appreciate these differences and stop expecting their partner to act and feel the same way he/she does. Relationships cannot and will not survive without clear, concise communication. If you are not being open and honest with your partner then is your relationship really a relationship at all? When there is a lack of communication, things become one sided and either partner may start to feel like the other does not want to be in the relationship anymore.
Simply put, men do not rate feelings as highly in their minds as women, while women don’t rate abilities as high as men. For example, men love to have their abilities recognized and appreciated and hate to have them scorned or ignored. On the other hand, women love to have their feelings recognized and appreciated and hate to have them ignored. Men like to solve problems on their own yet women like to solve problems in the relationship as a team. Men can sometimes view unsolicited assistance as an undermining of their effort to solve problems alone while women value assistance, and thus view unsolicited solutions as undermining their effort to proceed interactively. Men want their solutions to be appreciated; women want their assistance to be appreciated and somewhere along the line all this gets misunderstood.
Dating essentially becomes this intense battlefield of mind games that no one really knows how to navigate and results in explosive fights for no good reason.
When faced with tough times, men become non-communicative so they can work out how best to help themselves, while women become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them. When men do communicate, they like to get to the point, but women enjoy talking for its own sake. Thus a gap in communication is created and we have the root of most problems in a relationship. Fixing this break in a couples' communicating methods is a great step towards better understanding the needs of your partner.
When it comes to actually talking, men and women speak in very different ways. They basically speak two completely different languages. Men talk in very literal terms while women use a more artistic and dramatic vocabulary to fully express their feelings. Men like to sort their thoughts out before communicating them and thus become distant and non-communicative as they ponder their feelings. However, women like to sort their thoughts out by talking about them and have the tendency to provide a repetition of grievances as they express their concerns. This difference between men and women can lead both to feeling personally to blame for the others problems - which is not true, but the divide in communication can make it seem that way.
It is also important to note that nobody really needs someone.
Yeah sure, it is nice to have someone to hold at night and it feels good to share your life with another human being, however, men and women were each built to survive independently. A man's instinct is to look after himself first and foremost, while women have valued their independence long before they were even given civil rights. Each partner has to learn how to care for their partner rather than sacrificing his/her needs in favour of their own.
Relationships are about give and take, but if one keeps taking and never gives, the relationship breaks. When you are in a relationship, you can't only think about yourself. You have to consider the thoughts and feelings of your partner and sometimes have to put their needs before yours. Again, this is difficult for both men and women because each is used to being on their own. Both have to remember to accept and forgive the other, and avoid blaming them when they fail.
To accommodate one another, each partner should make small adjustments to their behaviours and communication methods without compromising their own true natures.
For example, men feel gratified when they are left to sort things out by themselves and feel undermined by being offered sympathy or help while women feel the opposite. Women feel gratified by being offered support and feel undermined when they are left to sort things out by themselves. It is important to recognize this difference and remember it when issues in the relationship arise. Everyone needs time alone and space from time to time, however, our partner only wants to help because he/she cares. Do not fault them for trying to be there for you.
As John Gray puts it in his book, men are like rubber bands and women are like waves.
Men emotionally bolt when they fear that their self-sufficiency is threatened. At these times, they become unapproachable and demand they be left alone and be allowed to not express their feelings. But if they are given support in the form of space, they soon feel better and spring back into their usual selves. It can be hard for women to handle the harshness with which men retreat and then subsequently spring back.
In contrast, women will from time to time emotionally sink into themselves. They may become negative and start to dwell on every problem which troubles them, including ones which have already been raised and solved before. Plus, if they cannot find any real issues to concentrate on, then they will find some random other thing to worry about. If women are supported and allowed enough time to express and release their negative feelings, they will start to feel happy again and return to their usual selves. The slowness in which they sink into negativity and subsequently recover may be hard for men to handle. Partners must recognize these differences in each other in order to handle them and move past them as a team.
Sometimes in relationships, negative feelings can appear without warning and we suddenly become upset or even worse, distant from our partner. When this happens, we need to encourage our partner and ourselves to work through it, accepting that it may take time and that time alone may be needed to sort through it.
There is no denying that love changes over time.
The blissful honeymoon period we feel when we first fall in love does not last forever and our personal faults and negative baggage become exposed over time. It is then when we must decide whether to work through it or let it consume our relationships. But if partners stick with each other through the highs and lows, that initial bliss gradually changes into a mature love which becomes stronger with each year. Maybe 2017 will be the year you find and establish this mature love, or maybe it will be a year of independent discovery.
Regardless of how things turn out, each relationship provides a lesson.
You learn more about who you are as an individual, but you also learn more about the opposite sex. You not only learn what you want from a relationship, but also gain a better understanding of both men and womens' wants and needs.