Once upon a time, in a TTC station far far away, (we're talking purple line here), there was a girl who had a flame appear upon her phone. No, this wasn't a real flame, it wasn't a Samsung, she had gotten her match. And it was?! Ah yes, the classic fuckboy located 2km away with 24 mutual friends, she could feel the love (or late night booty calls) brewing already.
Okay, AS IF Tinder is that romantic; but in today's dating age Tinder has become a viable option for finding your beau. Some people swear by it, swiping left and right as easily as they breathe in and out, and some people just use it as a "joke" (even though it's open more than their Instagram). Whatever Tinder is to you, we can all agree that there is one thing that we can always count on from people using it - weird dates.
We rounded up some of the best stories from Torontonians about their lovely Tinder encounters. These were the dates that would make Punk'd look to calm, the ones that you didn't think existed outside a writers room for a sitcom. And as cringe-worthy as some of these may be, whenever we get a match we can't help but be reeled right back into that weird world of dating for some more pics of guys holding fishes. Happy swiping Toronto. ?
1. Does this count as getting Catfished?
"Okay, so I went on a date with a 29-year-old. All his pics were from him in uni and it legit was like going on a date with the old man version of him it was so weird."
2. A long, lost love that maybe should have stayed lost...
"So basically while on a school trip to Washington DC I matched with a girl who lived on the edge of Maryland. We continued to talk for over a year after that I left developing somewhat of an open relationship, it got to the point where we both very much wanted to see each other so I decided to buy a plane ticket to go see her.
When I got there it turned out she was farther away then she originally said she was but I still made the trek. She told me the address of her work but when I got there it wasn't there and she then called me and told me she lied cause she wanted me to grab her food (even though we were going for dinner). When she finally does come to pick me up we greet each other and she throws the food in the back seat. To sum up the rest of the night she unexpectedly picks up her friend who she's told me she's extremely jealous of and says we're not allowed to talk to each other, drives to the restaurant only to change her mind and starts to drive as I open the door.
We end up going to a nearby taco bell and in the line, she confesses to me she's actually a racist. After that, we get into a large argument in the car over me not getting her 'sarcasm', which was just extremely mean comments. After dropping off her friend we actually had a nice talk about how she was going through some issues and how she was sorry for everything. When we got back to hers she tried to make a move but I just kissed her goodnight and (literally) ran away."
3. Okay we're done here.
"On our first date I had asked him what time it was and he said "sex o' clock" instead of "six o' clock"."
4. Not what I had in mind...
"I matched with a guy who said he was 25 and when we actually met up he was like 19 and looked like a baby. I felt like the biggest perv/ cradle robber ever. When I asked about why he lied about his age he said that he likes "older women" ... so awks."
5. An experimental date...
"Well, we met for sushi, it was fine, he was super weird about everything, though. Like he organized all the plates on the table. I also found out he was very religious and talked about his sister getting married to a guy after being bisexual and how that was a "good" change - red flag? YES. Then he asked if I still wanted to go to hot yoga though?? I didn't know what to do so we went...I have never been so thankful to be in a room full of other people sweating."
6. Just keep swimming!
"I matched with my high school crush and we went on a date and he brought a bathing suit TO THE DATE and said, 'so do you have a pool???' And then tried to have sex and it was just awful and my crush was ruined forever."
7. Where's the Old Spice at?
"One was with this guy and he's like do you like windows up or down when he picked me up. I was like up is fine...UP WAS NOT FINE HE HAD JUST COME FROM THE GYM AND HE DID NOT SHOWER. Driving home he was like, 'wow this is one of the best dates I've had in the past year I'm just so happy.' But in my head all I was thinking was how I was going to never talk to him again."
8. Oh no.
"I met this guy off of Tinder for drinks, and it started off fine like he seemed like a relatively normal guy. A few drinks in and I realized I was VERY wrong - this guy was stuck in the 1800s and spent most of the date talking about his (super outdated) views on women and gender roles.
He said he didn't believe in birth control and told me that women exist to raise families and men exist to go to war. He was telling me about all of the qualities that he wants in a wife and how she has to birth a certain number of sons. Then at the end of the date, he told me to delete my Tinder and marry him. I said I would think about it (AS IF) and we never saw each other again."
9. Baby bye bye bye, BYE BYE.
"First off, HUGE CATFISH. He looked nothing like the Tinder pics, he must have been a Photoshop wizard. We went to the VIP Cineplex theatre on Queensway, arrived early, so we went to grab a beer at the bar. He then suggests shots of Goldschlager (like okay....) so we did one and after that, he suggested doing more. We finally got to the movie and he goes completely grade 7 on my ass and pulls the ‘yawning/putting my arm around you’ move. After he drove me home and walked me to the door he asked, “So, what are you doing after this?” and I was like “going to bed BYE.” I was DONE. The next morning I wake up to a text that says 'Had an amazing time last night, lets get dressed to the nines, go on a nice dinner, watch a play, and then go to a club next weekend.'"
10. Finding love in a hopeless place.
But anyways, I ended up having to eat a watermelon with whipped cream from between her legs in front of everyone, and she had to suck whip cream off a cucumber between my legs. Then we got free drinks and we realized we had talked the week before on tinder and then we went home together. It was jokes."