Summer is here kittens. That means festivals, hot weather, and a whole lot of skin to be shown. Which is fine! Great, even. But let's be clear, there are some crimes for which the perpetrators must be punished, and we're laying down the law before the fashion police need to be called. This summer don't be one of those people that get gawked at for all the wrong reasons, instead follow this trusty list of everything not to wear!
An obvious one, and it's a crying shame in 2016 we even need to acknowledge the presence and/or existence of crocs, however here we are. This is a public service announcement. Do not wear crocs. Under any circumstances. There is no amount of comfort that can justify the shame and embarrassment of these fugly contraptions.
2. Cargo Shorts
Gentleman, pay close attention. No matter the pocket capacity (why are you carrying that much stuff around to begin with?) there is no excuse for wearing cargo shorts. They are absolutely atrocious, and if you wear camo cargo shorts, there is a special little section in hell reserved for you.
3. Fanny Packs
There is an alarming amount of people these days that are wearing these things, and it's really quite frightening. Why anyone feels it's okay to ever wear a fanny pack under any circumstance is beyond me. But let's just put it out there right now, fanny packs are a no.
4. Socks and Sandals
We're really starting to amass a splendid mental picture here. Socks, and sandals (crocs even?), cargo shorts and a fanny pack, the only thing that's missing is a monster energy drink shirt and you've got a certified douchebag uniform.
5. Neon Rave Attire
A mainstay of festival season, neon rave attire is a girls best douchebag warning sign. Bless the poor souls who wear these things and think they look cool. I mean, as alluring as a guy wearing a "party with sluts" shirt is, somehow I doubt he'll be getting laid tonight.
Kandi, another festival season fave is a perfect example of the old adage "there can be too much of a good thing." In quantities that don't induce seizures, Kandi is a perfectly acceptable means of dressing up for a electronic music festival. However, there are those who go way overboard and end up looking less like humans and more like unicorn vomit personified. Let's not do that, okay?
Photocred - Instagram
7. Anything Sequined
A tragic look to say the least. Sequined tops should be left where they belong. In a bag of your grade 5 clothing that you pile up and haul off to the dump. No excuses.
8. Trend Whoring
"So chokers are the new thing right? Also, matte brown lipstick is super cool. And dutch braids are sewwww in. Not to mention a face beat to the nines with highlight galore is the new aesthetic, correct?.... Well then..... There's only one thing left to do. Try on all the trends at once, ALL OF THEM. God I hope someone thinks I'm cool.".......... Don't be that girl.
Uggs traditionally are a pretty big faux pas when it's winter, let alone summer. If you're a seasonally confused fashion tragedy, it's time to recognize the symptoms now before it's too late. The first step is acceptance.... Actually no. The first step is to burn your uggs.
10. Bra Straps Showing
So you bought a really cute bandeau? Wear it with a bra that isn't strapless and suddenly... it's not so cute at all. Messy brastraps are just a no.
11. Sweat Stains
A classic summer fashion faux pas. I get it. It's hot out, humans naturally sweat. But there are wonderful inventions such as antipersperant and even deoderant to lessen the suffering of those in your vicinity. Try it!
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