11 Stages Of Becoming A Toronto Bar Star
You get a gold star.
Ah yes, Friday. AKA the only day of the week you actually care about. I'm going to assume that if you've clicked on this article you're probably a shot enthusiastic, a huge fan of the wine glass/beer emojis and own specific shoes that are dedicated to bars and clubs.
Well, in that case I believe that you may already be a Toronto Bar Star. For those of you who are unclear as to what the fvck a bar star is, let's do a quick recap. Urban Dictionary describes a bar star as "A girl/guy who goes out to every bar they possibly can every day they possibly can. And drinks as much as they possibly can get for free."
So, here is a very (unofficial) list of the stages every bar star has gone through in Toronto.
1. You started from the bottom (Adelaide).
You started your career as a bar star at the typical Toronto spot, Adelaide. Adelaide is full of student bars that catered to your first year budget of -$100. You got a rush like no other from purchasing your first $3 shot, and from then on you've never looked back.
2. You ordered your first Uber black (likely by mistake).
You probably woke up the next morning and checked your Uber receipts to see a $100 charge. Your first thought was "Who do I think I am????" and your next thought was "I really need a hashbrown from McDonalds". This is a huge part of your bar star initiation, I hope you enjoyed your ride in the GMC Denali.
3. You've gotten your heels stuck in the Early Mercy patio and played it off like the champion you are.
Once you felt that heel wedge in between those wooden planks you had a slight moment of panic. Your life likely flashed before your eyes, but you wiggled out of that crevice without looking like a complete idiot (only a partial one). Good on you, nicely done.
4. You lost all your friends at Wildflower, and lived to tell the tale.
You might as well have been stranded on an island. One minute your doing bottle shots in VIP with your squad, the next you're receiving snaps of them eating fast food. This was the night you learned the importance of the buddy system (mainly because you had to pay the Uber bill home all by yourself).
5. Your love for patio season hit a new high when Lavelle and the Thompson Rooftop opened.
This is when your love for patio drinks became lust, and you've never looked back since.
6. You order alcoholic drinks the following morning at brunch.
Gone are the days when the smell of vodka the morning after made you want to puke. You've learned that the best cure to any hangover is a mimosa, or a ceasar from Harlem Underground.
7. You have made friends with at least 3 bouncers at 3 sperate venues.
"Hey Todd, how is your daughter doing? Did her social studies presentation go well? Grade 6 is tough."
8. You know all the best places to get drunk food for a post-bar feast.
And you have memorized the address to Swatow.
9. You've thrown up during a pregame and nobody ever new about it.
Because puking and rallying is probably a skill you possess. And realistically that shit is not cute, no need to tell everyone.
10. People don't even bother texting you "How are you feeling?" the following morning because they know you're unstoppable.
Some people are born with greatness, and other people just fvcking suck at taking shots.
11. People have mistaken your bar stamps for writs tattoos on multiple occasions.
"I didn't know you had a tattoo!"
"I don't, I was just on Queen West last night."
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