Summer in the 6ix means Cabana, and Cabana means a hell of a lot of fun, sun, and day drunk shenanigans. It also means mingling with the cabana crowd in all of it's juiced up, uber tanned, bikini donning glory. In the vein of Janis and Damian from Mean Girls, here is a rundown of every type of person you'll meet at Cabana this summer.
1. The Cabana Flexers
You know the type. Their rich friend of a friend of an acquaintance got a Cabana for the day and by some stroke of sheer luck they found their way in. They spend their day getting absolutely wasted, taking a million selfies and snapchatting everything in site to brag to all of their friends.
2. The Generous Cabana Owners
Probably the same guy who let the previous girls in, the Generous Cabana Owner is that super cool rich guy who for some reason makes it his duty to ensure everyone is having a good time. Bless him and his generosity, drinks and amenities are paid for.
3. The Gorgeous Staff
Cabana itself is gorgeous. The location and the skyline are breathtaking and give good reason for it being the premiere summer party destination in Toronto. But the staff are a whole other level of attractive.
4. The Juice Heads
It wouldn't be a day at Cabana without a pack of juice monkeys strutting to and fro' showing off their lats and pecs for all to admire. These guys have been waiting all year for this moment. Literally. It's what they live for.
5. The Groupie Girls
These are the girls that are unfortunate enough to not know a friend of a friend with a Cabana. But damned if they're not going to weasel their way into one. They schmooze, bat eye lashes, and mingle with anyone who might be perceived as wealthy in any way shape or form. They're basically sugar babies in training.
6. The Lone Raver
There's always one. They might have missed the memo about Cabana being a pool bar and not a rave, or maybe they really just don't care, they just need a spot thats bumping tech house at 3 PM. You can usually find them cutting shapes in the corner completely un-phased and oblivious to what is going on around them. Quite Endearing.
7. Red Speedo Guy
He's infamous. Chances are if you're going to Cabana, or any other electronic music event, you're going to see him. He wears a red speedo, no footwear, and is most definitely having a better time than you.
8. The Old Rich Man
Quite possibly the geriatric version of the Generous Cabana Guy, but that doesn't make it any less creepy. Catch him surrounded by young hot sugar babies, he's probably uber tanned, drink in hand, with a grin on his face like he's getting laid tonight, and the weird thing is, he's right.
9. The K.O by 6PM Girls
You've got to love them. They had great intentions, really. They just wanted a drunk day of fun in the sun, or who knows maybe they set out on getting absolutely obliterated when they woke up this morning. Either way, they round out the day passed out, 8 vodka crans deep, on some pool chair by about 6PM. Yes girl, live your life.
10. The Stalkers
Quite possibly the worst part of any outdoor setting with shirtless men and girls in bikinis. The creepers and the stalkers. They're not nearly attractive whatsoever, but that doesn't stop them from gawking at you from across the pool, or even worse following you around all day. "Do me favour and take you and your cargo shorts elsewhere, thanks."
11. The Unfriendly Hotties
Cabana is the perfect place to show everyone how fvcking hot you look half naked, and there is usually no shortage of eye candy around that pool. "Hot girls we have problems too, we're just like you, except we're hot."
12. The Mysterious Celebrity
There's always that one guy lurking in the corner of a Cabana, he's lowkey, not super dressed up, his posse is partying way harder than he is, and you can't help but feel that he is someone of great importance. Time to stare longingly at him until he makes eye contact. *sugar baby mode activated*
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