Photo cred - Tony
Some cities have more quirks than others, and Toronto is definitely a quirky city. From our obsession with eyebrows, to our love of working on our fitness, there are some things you're just gonna have to take in stride if you wanna hang out with us. There's even some things about this city that Torontonians will admit are weird, but we'll wear them as a point of pride.
The fact that Toronto commuters have to rely so heavily on tokens is silly, because tokens are silly. There's nowhere to put them when you have them. Are you supposed to keep them with your change? In your pocket? Why are they so small and lose-able? Almost nothing about tokens makes sense.
The Ride Or Die Leafs Fandom
Now, I'm not here to talk shit about the Leafs. How could I, I'm a Torontonian too. But you have to wonder how a team that hasn't won a Stanley Cup since 1967 could have the most devoted fanbase in the NHL. It's part of what makes Torontonians so loveable. But it also makes no goddamn sense.
Kensington Market Is Busy At All Hours Of The Day
Whether it's 2:00 in the afternoon or 6:00 in the morning, Kensington Market is bumpin'. It's obviously significantly more crowded on the weekend, but the fact that there's always people wandering around that neighbourhood is confusing. Don't you people have jobs? How can you afford to eat here all the time?
Photo cred - Wayne MacPhail
No One On The Subway Will Make Eye-Contact With You
The TTC is the weirdest place in Toronto, and stepping into it makes everyone become weird. One way that this manifests is that you can never get anyone on the subway to look at you. Ever. You could be on fire, and everyone will just keep politely looking at their phones. What are you even looking at? You definitely don't have a signal down here.
Unemployed People Living Downtown
No one knows how this happens, but everyone has a friend or two like this in Toronto. They haven't worked in ages, but they have a decent apartment in a desirable neighbourhood, and it doesn't look like they'll be kicked out any time soon. People like this have somehow figured out how to beat the system, and whatever their secret is, they're not sharing.
The Popularity Of Ginger
Okay, so I've eaten at Ginger a few times, and I legitimately do not understand why it's so popular in this city. It's big enough to have three locations, and each one is always busy. For what? The food is straight up gross. Torontonians should have better standards when it comes to Chinese food, given that our Chinatown is packed with amazing noodle places. For shame, Toronto.
You Can Be In a Bustling City One Minute, Then Feel Like You're In The Suburbs The Next
Pretty much every neighbourhood in this city, not matter how busy it is, how crazy the nightlife is, has an area comprised entirely of quiet streets full of houses. This can give you the feeling that you just stepped through a portal and teleported to a different part of the city. Especially because the noise levels in these different parts of the neighbourhood are so different. It's ridiculous.
Toronto's streets are busier than a lot of other cities, so a lot of the time, jaywalking is a dangerous and stupid thing to do. But there are times when it just makes sense to jaywalk. All the cars on either side are stopped at a red light, and the place you wanna get to is directly across the street from you. And yet, Torontonians would rather walk to the intersection and wait a million years for the lights to change before crossing the street. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but people in this city don't jaywalk anywhere near as much as you'd expect them to, and it's weird.
Photo cred - AshtonPal
It's starting to feel like Toronto thinks poutine is our thing, when it's very much not. We have a ton of great food to be proud of, so it's a little weird when people say that Toronto makes the best poutine in the world. Calm down. We really don't. We make good poutine. You could even say we make great poutine. But poutine is still a Montreal thing, through an through.
The Number Of People Yelling At You On The Street
Sometimes, walking through downtown feels like being at a Tea Party rally, with the amount of randoms yelling their weird opinions at you. Between the religious nuts who want you to believe, and the right-wingers who want you to know still pissed off about abortions being a thing, wearing headphones on your walk is a necessity. What is up with this?
Nathan Phillips Square
By some miracle, Nathan Phillips Square continues to be an aggressively popular place to go skating, despite the fact that it's really out of the way, and that there are plenty of other skating rinks in the city that are prettier and less crowded. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, it's just kind of strange.
Everyone Is Addicted To Stress
Everyone you know in Toronto is overworking themselves, but whenever there's an opportunity to get involved with a new project or internship, they're always totally down. It's unclear whether or not they all have access to time turners like Hermione Granger, but they somehow can manage their time so efficiently that they can juggle sixteen commitments at a time. It's superhuman levels of weird.
It feels like there's a new condo development being announced every day in this city, and it's starting to feel congested. The idea that building more condos is a good thing because it stays on top of Toronto's population growth is a joke, because tons of these condos end up owned by people who don't actually live here, and because the majority of our population increase comes from immigration, and most immigrants can't afford to roll up on Canada and buy a condo ASAP. All condos do is make the city look ugly.