Even for the least sports-enthused Torontonians, it would probably be pretty tough not to know that the beloved Toronto Blue Jays are now American League East division champions. If you're anything like me though, right now you're thinking, what does that even mean? Why should I care? Does this mean I should get a Blue Jays hat?
If being in any given crowd of people leaves you wondering if paying the $18.99 for Baseball For Dummies at Chapters is worth it, you're not alone. Times are tough out here for people who don't understand anything about baseball when baseball is the only thing people are talking about.
1. Is “clinch” really the only verb we can use to say the Jays have obtained a spot in the playoffs?
You know when you hear a word so many times that it sounds wrong? Clinch is a weird word!
2. Do I even want to ask someone to explain how the playoffs work? Again?
Most sports fans will be more than willing to explain this to you, but it’s difficult for a person who is so enthralled by men in tight pants hitting a ball to understand when what they’re saying to you has become mind numbingly boring. Do yourself a favour and don’t even let the words, “So, wait, if they win this game…” escape your lips. Smile, nod, and cheer when everyone else does, baby.
3. Why are there so many acronyms? What do they mean?
RBI? ERA? AL East?!? (Okay, that last one wasn't that hard to figure out). Sorry, but is this sports or MSN Messenger?
4. We'll admit, #ComeTogether and #OcTOber are actually pretty cute hashtags.
Forget the home runs! We’re going to cheer on your social media game, Blue Jays.
5. Jose Bautista!
For sports newbs like us, it's natural to get excited when one of the five players you know is mentioned.
6. Okay, but is he cute?
It’s safe to assume every statistic coming out of your mouth is going over our heads. Let’s just get right to whether or not Kevin Pillar looked cute in his uniform today and, like, is he single?
7. Is it considered "bandwagoning" if we've been confused about baseball for the whole season?
We're just getting you to explain it to us now because it seems important to our whole city.
8. Dalton Pompey...is from Mississauga!
We know his name and the fact that he happens to be our hometown hero. Yeah, we know some stats.
9. You paid how much for playoff tickets?
So, wait, you paid almost $400 for two tickets in the 500 level? Do you realize that with that you could buy 200 street hot dogs? 50 Big Mac meals? A really nice pair of shoes?!
10. *Cheers loudly for a player and pronounces his name wrong*
Don't take us to games unless we're at the point of unconditional love in our friendship. Sorry, but Tulowitzki is a pretty complicated name to pronounce if you don't watch SportsNet.
11. Oh, is this the new guy?
It's not? He's been on our team for two years? It's not our fault he never plays and is never on the news!
12. I miss Brett Lawrie.
Only because of what a great player he was, obviously...
13. Why wasn't I invited to this champagne party?
Granted, the sports illiterate population is probably the last group of people you'd want to invite to your celebration party, but can we party with you while you explain what happened this entire season to us?