13 Toronto “First World” Problems Everyone In The City Lives With
Everything's the worst.
Photo cred - Jason Verwey
We all know there are people out there who are less fortunate than us, but sometimes it's hard to put things in perspective. Yes there's hunger, and war, and intense poverty happening a million times over right now. But you know what also sucks? The fact that you forgot you'd just painted your nails and smudged them when you were folding laundry. Complaining about trivial problems is something that just can't be helped. These are things you know suck about your life, even while you understand that your life doesn't suck that much.
The LCBO Closes Too Early
You can't wait to go drinking this weekend, but as usual, you pushed getting beer till the last minute, and now you can't go to the LCBO near your house. No, you have to go all the way to the Beer store a few blocks away. Why does the universe hate you?
You Can't Find A Place To Park Downtown
You insisted on driving your car to that nice new restaurant that just opened up, but there's too many other people with cars around. Now you're stuck in traffic, and you have to park on a side street. Why do you have to walk all the way down the block? It's just cruel.
Everyone Always Wants To Go To Dance Cave
Try as you might, you can never get your friends to check out any of the cool new clubs you keep hearing about. All they ever want to do is go to Dance Cave. But Dance Cave is lame. Why will you never be free of this turmoil?
Photo cred - ageing_accozzaglia
There's Too Many Brunch Options On College
Seriously. Between Sneaky Dee's, Nirvana, Boom, and all those other little places you haven't had a chance to check out yet, how are you supposed to know where to eat? Clearly none of these places put you into consideration before opening, because everyone always wants to go to your least favourite one, and it's just not fair.
There Isn't Enough WiFi Access On The TTC
So now the TTC has free WiFi at Bloor-Yonge, St. George, Bay, Wellesley, and College. That's no where near enough. You just posted something hilarious on Facebook, and it's important that you know how many people liked it. Get it together TTC.
None Of Your Favourite Restaurants Deliver To Your Region
Doesn't it suck living all the way on the East end? None of those awesome Chinatown restaurants will deign to bring their food to you. You have to go on the subway for what feels like a lifetime if you want to taste their deliciousness, and even then, it's not worth it if you don't get to eat the food in your own bed. Life is bleak.
You Don't Know What To Do With Your Coat On The TTC
It's freezing outside, but after a little while on the subway, you're too hot for your coat. Is it worth it to take it off and lug it around when you change trains? No matter what you do, it's going to be annoying, and there's no way out of it.
Going To The Lakeview Alone Is Embarrassing
You've been craving breakfast for dinner all day, but no one wants to get some with you. Assholes. Now you have to sit there and eat your delicious meal by yourself. What a loser.
Photo cred - Foodology
There's No Where Near Enough Chipotles Around
There's only 5 Chipotles. In all of Toronto. What is this? It's offensive, is what it is. Where are you supposed to get a quick, affordable burrito on the go? Toronto is clearly the land that God forgot.
Last Call Is At 2:00am
You're just starting to get into your grove, when the bartender announces that anyone who wants another drink has to get it now. This is a sign of the coming end to the night, which is thoroughly uncool. You wanted to keep partying, and now you have to go home and sleep. Where is the justice?
Your Cute New Boots Are Getting Ruined By Salt
You thought you were so prepared for winter this year. You found a pair of boots that really keep your feet warm, and also go with every outfit you put on. But thanks to Toronto's relentless salting of the sidewalks, your boots look like you've been walking through a flour factory. What gives Toronto? Why do you hate beauty?
Your Weed Is Way Too Expensive
$90 for a quarter? What kind of highway robbery is this? Toronto's egregious weed prices border on the inhumane. You really shouldn't stand for it any more. But that would involve not smoking weed any more, which we all know is basically self-abuse.
Your Parents Want To Go To Dundas Square Every Time They Come Visit
Dundas Square is boring! Why don't they want to go to the Distillery District, or the Fashion District, or something moderately cool. Instead, you have to waste your day watching those break dancers not break dance for ages because they're waiting for a crowd to build up. And your parents refuse to leave just in case something starts happening. Life sucks.
Photo cred – Shaheen Karolia