Photo cred - sam cornwell
So apparently we slept through the first two months of the semester because there is no conceivable way it is already November. Regardless of what the calendar says, year after year we are never mentally or physically prepared for the battle that is the final month of the semester.
The struggle reaches new levels of real every time the semester comes to its close, because apparently universities believe in leaving the bulk of our marks to the very painful end. They lead us to believe that maybe, just maybe, university isn't half bad, maybe it is actually quite manageable, and then BAM! Torture. The month becomes a blur, friends become strangers, parents become a burden and fun becomes something we dream about. It's all inevitable.
Eating Habits Go To Shit
Three meals a day? Who the hell has time for that kind of planning this month? It's all about pulling together change amongst everyone in the student centre to chip in for a bag of chips from the grocery store across the street. Kraft dinner? On the daily, 2$ Big Slice? Absolutely, Mcdonalds student discount? We're there. Our arteries and our waistlines do not like us very much come November.
Sleep? What Is Sleep?
Sleep becomes some sort of mythical creature only whispered about come the end of the semester. It becomes a competition of sorts, like taking bets on which member of the class will be up the latest posting on the Facebook group or who will fall asleep first in class tomorrow. Sleep becomes something we strive for, something we do whenever or wherever we find a free 15 second window, even if that involves drooling on a stranger beside you on the TTC or perfecting the sleep-while-standing-in-line at Starbucks art.
Venti Isn't Even Close To Being Big Enough
A venti? ahahahah November is about getting creative with our caffeine intake, perfectly timing its consumption, and serioulys contemplating the possibility of injecting caffeine through a portable IV that can be carried around campus. We look for it in new ways: coffee, soda, straight sugar packets, energy drinks, power bars, speed. Whatever works.
You Forget Who Your Parents Are
Who are these people you speak of? Parents? Those people who gave us life whose names we cannot remember? We haven't spoken to them since the beauty that was October. Remember that? When there was time to go home for a home cooked meal or just to speak with your loved ones on the phone about silly, irrelevant stuff like how the dog is doing. We now scoff when our parents try to call us, and by scoff we mean decline the call and send them a text message that reads "SOS Cant talk, jumping into oncoming traffic, see you at Christmas."
Everyone Develops Resting Bitch Face
Everyone is a bitch in November. Not just girls, not just guys who are assholes year round, everyone. People are hangry (hungry+angry), tired, restless, and set to snap at any moment. Some of us get RBF just out of pure exhaustion. It's more of a blank stare than a look of pure evil because there is legitimately so much happening in our brain that nothing is happening up there. It is lights out upstairs and we're just trying to keep our eyes open.
You Forget What Your House Looks Like
We have a home that isn't the library or student centre? Completely forgot about that place. We haven't had a chance to go home and take a shower, change our clothes or even eat some decent food in days. We sleep on any park benches couches we can find across campus and have located some gross but usable showers in the gym building for when we start to stink. Home is where the work is for the month of November.
Crying Becomes A Natural Part Of Every Day
There will be days in November that we'll wait until we get home to cry but then there are the days where we will find ourselves in a bathroom stall, alone, in some abandoned corner of campus, sobbing. We won't know why it's happening, nor will we know how to stop it but it'll happen and in all honesty, it'll probably makes us feel better. Ugly cry your hearts out students of Toronto, ugly cry your hearts out.
Physical Activity? It Was The First To Go
Don't you hate it when your parents, professors, or (worst of all) doctors try to tell you that physical activity can help relieve stress? The only way to make it out of hell-month alive and somewhat well is to prioritize our daily activities and make sure that every moment of our day is accounted for, which means some stuff needs to get put on the backburner. Let's see, do we get rid of netflix time or working out? Surely, sweating must go.
Drinking To Survive Instead Of Drinking To Have A Good Time
Going out partying on the weekends ends with Halloween. Drinking becomes something we need to do to sedate ourselves, and we don't necessarily mean alcohol. Beers may get swapped for red bulls and tequila for 5 hour energy shots. Drinking becomes a survival tactic more than a pass time. Any liquid that can help us get through this next all-nighter is a must, ASAP, and make it a triple.
The Term "Social Life" Becomes A Distant Memory
Who has time for friends in November? We swear we get text messages and we mean to respond, but our brain literally does not have the capability to remember to do so. The next thing you know, your non-university friends are putting up Missing Persons posters all over the city and your university friends are pretending they have time to hang out 'Yeah, Ill text you sometime next week to set up a time for us to chill' Okay, cool talk to you next year.
Guilt Becomes A Thing
Even when you have a spare second or the chance to get a solid 8 hours of sleep, you can't, because your stupid subconscious keeps harassing you and convincing you that there is always another assignment you can get started on or further exam prep you could be tackling. Watching your overflowing PVR? Forget it, you'll never forgive yourself. On the bright side you'll have 1800 hours of television to watch over the holiday break.
Personal Hygiene Suffers
Skipping showers for the extra couple minutes of sleep is a given. All of our beanies, baggy sweaters, and yoga pants find their way to the front of the closet. Heck- sometimes we just wear the shirt we slept in to class, no one will know. If it doesn't smell it's fair game.
Lists Take Over Your Life & Not The Fun Narcity Kinds
Organization becomes your biggest frenemy this month. "Assignments left to do," "Assignments due this week," "What to work on this weekend," "Final Exams," "What To Study For Final Exams," Even our lists have lists. It's important to stay on top of your shit but also when you want to take a break from being productive without all the associated guilt you take a break to "get organized" aka make a colour coded list with pretty highlighters and fun doodles.
Photo cred – prettypasta