Festival season is officially upon us Toronto, summer is in full swing, and that means flower crowns, bohemian biddies, your favourite bands, tonnes of sun and loads of drinks. It also means running into the characters that frequent our vibrant lineup of music festivals all summer long. Whether it's Veld, Digital Dreams, Bestival, Electric Island, or Way Home, love em' or hate em.. here is a list of all the types of people you'll meet at these music festivals this summer.
1. The Shoulder Hopper
Spot em' from a mile away. These girls live for the opportunity to straddle a brawny man's juicy traps and flail their arms around endlessly for hours.
2. The Neon Bro
The douchiest of douchers. Neon bros essentially look like highlighters personified, uber-tanned and juiced up, they're looking to "fuck and party" or at least that's what their shirt slogan says. They're probably here for Bassnectar or Steve Aoki, and they're convinced that this main-stage big-room song is a "banger."
3. The Kandi Kids
The hardcore ravers. They're decked out in fuzzy boots, multicoloured hair, kandi masks, and soothers and they're so high that they're straddling the fourth dimension.
4. The Drug Dealer
These are the guys who inconspicuously sidle up next to you and pretend to befriend you before attempting to sell you illicit drugs. What they're attempting to sell you also isn't kush... it's parsley.
5. The Pretentious Hipster
They're reclining somewhere near the back of the crowd on a grassy knoll in their vintage raw denim and thrifted band tee. Their favourite artist is playing but heaven forbid they show the slightest bit of enthusiasm, that would completely break the illusion of gag worthy pretentiousness.
6. The EDM Snob
Carl Cox is their god, and if it's not techno it's trash.
7. The Mosh-Pitter
The leftovers of the hardcore and screamo scene. These guys want to turn every single crowd into a mosh pit, even at the most inappropriate of times. "Guys, Vanessa Carlton is doing an acoustic set this just isn't the time."
8. The Glover
These guys seem to think everyone is just as high as them. Find them in the crowd at Veld or DD wiggling their magical light-up fingers in front of a few mesmerized ravers, or some very sober and very confused patrons.
9. The Sunburnt Ginger
The lobster of the crowd. There's always one fair skinned or redheaded individual who gets absolutely roasted in the afternoon sun, and all you can do is look on in horror and anguish.
10. The Meat Head
They usually travel in packs and they could quite possibly be a meat head/neon bro hybrid (run for the hills). These guys spent the last 10 months at the gym 6 days a week for this moment, and they are going to milk it for all it's worth. Their biceps and pecs glisten, their triceps and traps jiggle to a fro, and their personality makes you want to vomit.
11. The PDA Fornicating Couple
You've had just about enough of them. At first, the making out was tolerable, and then it got sloppier and sloppier, and now you're not sure if they're rounding third base or just "dance humping."
12. The Random Celebrity
You're really not sure how to react.. Do you ask them for a picture? Do you go up to them and strike up a conversation? No. You play it cool. It's not a big deal, you're used to this kind of thing. *stares blatantly and creepily for an extended period of time*
13. The Binge Drinker
They inadvertently drank half their weight in liquor, and it shows. Nevertheless, you just can't look away as their friends (also hammered) attempt to co-ordinate some sort of plan to get them to safety.
14. The Girl Who Lost Everything
Including her dignity. Her flower crown is busted, her mascara is running, she has one shoe on, she lost her phone, and she can't find her friends to save her life. Finding molly is the last of your worries at this point honey.
15. The Weirdo
Whether it's a girl with a watermelon fastened as a helmet or a guy in a hotdog costume, somehow at a festival it doesn't seem all that weird.
Follow us on Snapchat: narcitytoronto