Toronto's bar scene is as vivid as it's people. Bars range from super casual, to super fancy to super hip. Although a good drink goes a long way, it's the crowd that makes the night. But, barhopping may not be the most productive way of finding "the one". Casual hook-ups? Yes, definitely, go for it. Dating is hard, especially when you're actively trying, so the bar doesn't seem like a crazy place to start.
Finding someone in the variety of guys you meet at the bar is kind of like putting your hand in a bag of chex-mix: you know what your options are, but what you get is always a surprise. And more often then not, you don't end up getting what you want. Though this is not always the case, most Toronto girls can relate to countless awkward encounters with these 16 types of guys:
1. The Awkward Eye Contact Guy:
What's a night out without bumping into the Awkward Eye Contact Guy? You keep locking eyes and can't tell if it's a weird coincidence or not. It's not flirty or creepy, just awkward. Locking eyes doesn't even last seconds since it's unintentional; but you find yourself turning your head way too often. You both know you don't mean to but you just happen to be in each other's place of vision. Constantly.
Hobbies: people watching, wearing opaque sunglasses, playing eye-spy
Looking for: someone to look at.
2. The On To The Next One:
This guy sets himself a quota of how many girls he can hook up with in one night. He usually has a way with words and his effortless suave-ness is a result of years of practice. He's constantly beating his high score, setting stupidly high standards for the rest of his friends, and wearing a size too small of everything.
Hobbies: catching all Pokemon, shot-gunning beer, watching the stock market
Looking for: a girl who's down for a casual hookup, doesn't take life too seriously, preferably one who wears bandage skirts and bralettes.
3. The One That's Either Too Young Or Too Old:
There's always that one guy that's way too young to be legal or way too old to be drinking consecutive fireballs. It's kind of like bumping into the boy you babysit or seeing your best friends grandfather; a total "wtf are you doing here" situation. But you allow it because life's too short and age is but a number, right? *cringes*
Hobbies: either hanging out at the mall or smoking cigars
Location: El Furniture Warehouse
Looking for: any girl between the ages of 19-24, someone with a firm grasp on her life, wears ripped jeans and cropped tops.
4. The Pick Up Liners:
This guy can carry a conversation solely on pick up lines that it's shockingly impressive. The problem is he uses his best ones too early, causing the conversation to die off quickly. But, some of them are so creative you make sure to make a mental note for your future self.
Hobbies: getting inspiration from Friends, rom-coms and Nicholas Sparks movies
Location: The Maddy
Looking for: anyone willing to listen, girls who appreciate puns, and is down to Netflix and chill.
5. The Drizzy:
If there's one thing all Toronto bars have in common, it's the Drake wannabe. Don't be surprised if you see an assembly of men in Timberlands and chunky grey sweaters. And yes, they're sure to have Hennessey's in their hand. They're basically the male equivalent to the female Kylie Jenner's proliferating throughout Toronto's bar scene.
Hobbies: tuning into OVO Sound Radio, using Toronto slang and expletives, making cool remixes on Soundcloud
Location: 70 Down
Looking for: A bad gyal like Riri and not wasting a relationship on a relationship.
6. The Flexer:
Also known as The Muscle Tee Connoisseur and/or The Do You Even Lift. He usually walks around with a drink in each hand so he can indiscreetly hide his flexing.
Hobbies: going to the gym, leading a swole lifestyle, snorting protein powder
Looking for: someone to squat with, partner workouts, being a fitspo Instagram couple.
7. The Fight Picker:
Nobody understands this guy, not even the bouncer. His friends usually warn him to be chill on the Uber ride their, which he replies with "yeah bro, get off me man, I'll be chill," verbatim. One hour and a few drinks later, you find him arguing with a stop sign.
Hobbies: yelling at the TV, honking at pedestrians
Location: Sneaky Dee's
Looking for: someone smaller to punch, a girl who can deal with his bullshit.
Photo cred - @weheartit
8. The Vaguely Familiar One
You've seen this guy multiple times before. You can't recall if it was at the same bar or somewhere else, but he seems to always be there. One day you'll get around to introducing yourself, but for now it's nice to see a familiar face.
Hobbies: bar hopping, trying new drinks, smiling
Location: The Addison Residence
Looking for: someone easy to talk to, a girl who's drama-free, the girl next-door type.
9. The Round Buyer:
Who doesn't love this guy? You and your friends place pointless bets on how high his tab will be by the end of the night. He buys round after round after round after round. He usually starts off with Belvedere and ends with Polar Bears.
Hobbies: Raptors games, wearing dress shirts, using the terms "lit" and "yolo" without irony
Location: Early Mercy
Looking for: a girl with a slight drinking problem, someone who likes to dance on tables, preferably with a contagious laugh.
10. The Perennial Pervert:
Need I say more? He's honestly just there to stand and stare…at your ass. Thanks but no thanks.
Hobbies: you already know what his hobbies are…
Location: The Everleigh
Looking for: literally any girl.
11. The Enviably Fashionable One:
This guy knows how to dress. While you're probably in something skintight and sky high, he's effortless in cool pants and a ripped tee. This guy makes sweatpants look sick.
Hobbies: online shopping, watching Sneaker Shopping with Complex videos, reading Highsnobiety
Location: Apt. 200
Looking for: someone equally as fashionable so he can caption "mami in that Tom Ford, papi in that Thom Browne" on Instagram.
12. The Saviour:
This guy is the best. You wonder if he's just there to save girls from awkward conversations. He'll come in with a stern "why are you talking to my girl" or a genuine "hey, sorry I'm late" when he sees you trying to signal one of your friends. This guy deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.
Hobbies: being a regular guy by day and superman by night
Location: BLND TGER
Looking for: a damsel in distress.
13. The Against-The-Wall Group:
It's self-explanatory: a group of guys standing against a wall. May I just add, that's pretty much all they do. Guys wonder why girls go to the bathroom together, we wonder why TF guys do this.
Hobbies: what against-the-wallers enjoy doing is still unknown, researchers suspect standing against walls and doing nothing.
Looking for: no one in particular, anybody standing in front of them.
14. The Dad:
He's the one making sure his boys don't throw up on someone's Jimmy Choo's. He makes sure his friends are having a good time before he does. He's super reliable and is voluntarily designated driver. A genuinely good guy, Toronto's bar scene needs more of these guys.
Hobbies: going to Jay's games, hosting house parties and bbq's, telling terrible jokes
Location: Get Well
Looking for: someone not too wild but not too shy, a girl who is down for whatever, preferably brunettes, but he doesn't discriminate.
15. The I'm Just Here For a Good Time:
This guy is awesome. His cheeks are usually flushed from a little too much to drink and his haphazard grin is contagious. He really is just there for a good time. People feed off his energy and you usually find yourself laughing at something not even funny. He can go from having deep talks to pouring vodka down your throat.
Hobbies: making people feel comfortable, starting conversations, playing matchmaker
Location: Bar Volo
Looking for: nobody and everybody…he doesn't come intending on hooking up with anybody but ends up with a hundred new numbers.
16. The Guy You Went To High School With:
Bumping into someone from your teen years happens all too often. You catch up over a G&T, he tells you how much he loves Western and you reminisce over your awkward years. You even talk about having a reunion or something, but by the time tomorrow rolls around you guys won't see each other for another few years.
Hobbies: Hockey, Watching Game of Thrones
Location: Track and Field
Looking for: well, he wasn't looking for you, but he isn't against the idea.
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