Ah, Western. What an incredible community of responsible, intelligent, hard-working young adults. I couldn't be prouder to call myself a Mustang, and I know you all feel the exact same way.

As a proud Western student, you probably feel obligated to know all of the basic campus information and etiquette. And hopefully, you probably feel at least semi-obligated to defend and respect your fellow comrades. I'm here to help you out.

We're a pretty laid-back group of people, however, there are a few items on Western's no-fly list worth knowing about. In fact, there are at least 25 things we can think of that you should NEVER do at Western. So, for the safety and well-being of you and your purple pals, read and share this list with your fellow stangs! As far as terms & conditions go, these are actually worth with knowing about!

1. Say that you hate the colour purple.

How can you hate the colour of the blood that flows through your veins? Purple is the royal colour of this kingdom called Western, so either learn to love it or keep it to yourself!


2. Wear Queen’s merch.

You're just asking for trouble. If you get jumped, don't be surprised. Although you probably won't, because Western students are very classy and composed.


3. Say that you hate Spoke bagels.

Oh, do you hate this great nation too? 


4. Go swimming in the Thames river.

Even on a dare, don't do it. It's rumoured to be toxic.


5. Make direct eye contact with a goose. 

He might take it the wrong way and hold a vendetta against you. I've seen attacks happen, and they ain't pretty. Respect their perimeter (and privacy in general) and you should be fine.


6. Leave a textbook to reserve your highly-sought after 5th floor Weldon cubicle in between classes.

Someone could have used that cubicle to write an entire essay in the 9 hour break you took. Don't be that guy.


7. Call someone a "typical western girl". 

Unless of course you mean it as a compliment. Which, come to think of it, should be the case. Typically, Western girls are beautiful, brilliant, charismatic, and driven... so next time someone calls you a "typical western girl", say thank you!


8. Date more than one person on the same varsity team. 

Don't be the cheerleader that makes her way through the entire football team, and don't be football player that makes his way through the entire cheerleading team. Shit can get awkward, so do your best to branch out a little!


9. Take a nap right before a midterm and expect your roommate to wake you up in time.

Just say bye to 20% of your grade right now if you think you can pull off a pre-midterm nap.


10. Try to get on the 102/106 Richmond bus at the Broughdale stop.

It can’t be more than 10 minutes to walk, people.


11. Get on a crowded bus at Nat Sci just to get off at Alumni hall or at Perth.

JUST. WALK. For goodness sake, get off the bus and get that cardio in!


12. Park at the 30-minute max spots beside SSC for longer than 30 minutes. 

You will DEFINITELY get a ticket. Campus police are lurking around the corner with timers, so don't take any chances!


13. Ask the grocery store or pharmacy if you can pay with your Western ONECard.

The clerks have to answer this question to a thousand separate students every single day, so let me just issue an official answer to everyone, once and for all: no, you cannot. To find out where you actually can spend your flex dollars, click here!


14. Start a new show as a "break" from writing final papers.

There has never been a worse time for you to discover The Wire.


15. Buy bottled beer on dollar beer nights.

Perhaps you just don't enjoy flat, warm, beer that tastes like pennies served to you in a thimble. That just means you haven't acquired the refined taste of a true Mustang yet.


16. Cut in line at the NCB/Nat Sci/UCC Tim Hortons.

Oh, how convenient that you spotted a "friend" at the front of the line.


17. Masturbate in your residence shower.

Apparently this is a real problem!


18. Skip homecoming weekend.

What? You'd rather "go out in Toronto" instead? Pffft. We've had the biggest, best HOCO in the country for a long time running, and so this year, we have two. ? See you Saturday for part 1, Mustangs!


19. Call MIT students “Mothers in training”.

Unless you can comprehend one of their lengthy, abstract, theory-based readings and then clearly articulate how it reflects meaning about the past, present and future of media and technology, bite your tongue. If you think MIT is for the birds, you're wrong. Hear what it's all about from one of our faculty's finest.


20. Pull the fire alarm in Saugeen at 3am for shits and giggles. 

Don't worry, there will be enough harmless small fires started in Saugeen past midnight to fulfill your sick need to stand outside in the cold for an hour in your skivvies.


21. Tell people you’re 'AEO' when they ask what program you're in. 

Technically, you're just a first year business student. And technically, we can all say we're "pre-Ivey" if we really want to. Talk about Ivey once you're in Ivey.


22. Complain about your Ivey workload to non-Ivey students.

Okay, I retreat - now that you're in Ivey, please talk about something other than Ivey. I shouldn't be more stressed about your 48 than I am about my own essay. I don't want to compare workloads or bear the brunt of your newly acquired condescension. Having said that, congratulations on making it into one of this country's most prestigious business schools. (Please remember I said that last part when I apply to work for you in 5 years)


23. Forget about your friends who live on Broughdale/Sunset/Huron when pre-ing at your swanky 675/695 apartment.

I know you don't want to backtrack when the bars are in your backyard, but make an effort to pre-drink at their's once in a while, or better yet, invite them all to your place!


24. Walk slowly in the centre of the bridge sidewalks.

If you absolutely MUST travel at glacier pace, tuck to one side. There are A LOT of us and we all have places to be!


25. Hog equipment at the gym.

It's super busy and the equipment is in high demand, so don’t be an asshole. Let others work in. You might just make a friend that way, too!


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