28 Things Your Bartender Doesn't Want To Hear
Truth be told.
People often assume that bartenders aren't smart enough to have another career. *Ahem*, false information. We're actually really hardworking individuals that dedicate long hours to our jobs and put up with a crazy amount of dumb questions every shift.
Many of these questions that guests expect an answer to, are either disrespectful, unneccessary (b/c they can easily answer them on their own) or just plain stupid. Bartenders are great at maintaining poker faces because that is one of the most important skills to have for this job. But keep in mind, there are certain questions and comments we are just simply tired of hearing.
Here's a list of 27 questions and comments your Toronto bartender is probably fed up with and doesn't want to hear:
1. Can you make my drink stronger?
If you would like a stronger drink, make it a double. Or drink shots all night long - end of discussion.
2. Do you have a cell iPhone/Samsung charger?
No because I charge my phone before work and even if I do it's downstairs in the staff room or in my car.
3. Can I charge my phone?
It's not a big deal to charge your phone, but if you're asking a bartender every 5 minutes to check it for texts/calls, you're distracting them from doing their job.
4. Can you surprise us with some sort of special shot?
This statement is so vague. How are we suppose to know what type of liquor you like, sweet or sour, do you have any allergies? Please be more specific (we'll gladly improvise) and know what you'd like, especially when there are 20 people waiting to get a drink behind you.
5. Omg it's my birthday! Can I get a shot for free?
No but you can get a free brownie at Moxies.
6. I know the owner, can I get a free drink?
If you know the owner then you'd have a drink in your hand already.
7. What's the cheapest drink I can get?
FYI bar rail or domestic beer. Problem solved. Actually wait, tap water is free.
8. This is all I have... *pulls out quarters, dimes and nickels*
Are you expecting the bartender to pay for the remaining amount out of their own pocket.
9. Can I get a beer?
There's no point of asking this. Yes of course you may have a beer, but how about you ask what type of beer we've got instead to skip this question.
10. But why is this drink __$?
Bartenders do not determine the prices of booze, therefore we do not have an answer.
11. I don't think there's any alcohol in here.
There's no advantage for a bartender to give you no booze. You just fully saw her/him pour it.
12. Can I get a Blow Job?
Unless you're at a restaurant, bartenders at bars/clubs/lounges do not keep whip cream behind the bar. And even if we did, why would you want whip cream all over your face???
13. Can I have less ice?
Your drink will not be stronger just because there is less ice. More ice = less mix = stronger drink.
14. Vodka soda. Actually can I get a vodka water instead?
If you bartender has made your drink already and you decided to change your mind out of no where. Truthfully speaking, that is not their problem. Make up your mind.
15. Can I get a *random shot/drink* ?
You mostly likely just found it on the internet 2 minutes ago. Sure, but you'll have to wait till I check out Google because there are classy shooters and trashy shooters like the Red Headed Slut.
16. I'll tip you good.
If you're a good tipper and appreciate a bartenders work, you would not have to clarify that you're a good tipper. And no we won't serve you first because you're waving $100 bill in the air.
17. This one time I had this drink at this bar...
How are we to know what you had if you don't even know what was in it? Bartenders are not psychics.
18. Why isn't that wine glass full?
Because a wine glass is not filled up to the top.
19. Will this give me a hangover?
If you don't already know, your hangover will depend on the amount that you drink and the amount of sugary shooters you have.
20. Can you get 10 of my friends in at the door? (@ 1:00 am)
We're not VIP hosts or front door men. There's most likely a huge line up outside for hundreds of people to get in and bartenders have no control of capacity.
21. Can you take a picture?
Why not ask a person in the crowd? Why distract someone while they are slammed making drinks for 300 other people?
22. Do you make good money?
We don't ask you how much your salary is. You have absolutely no right to ask us this question.
23. Can you keep my coat/purse back there?
There's a coat check for a reason. If you don't want to pay for coat check, then don't bring it to the bar.
24. What time are you done work?
Why does it matter to you?
25. Can I have your number?
26. Do you have any drink specials (@ 1:55 am)
Happy Hour is long over, show up earlier next time.
27. Can you make me another drink? (@ 2:10 am)
No. It's past last call.
28. Do you know anyone who sells *drug preference here* ?
This is a bar, not a drug factory. And we are bartenders, not drug dealers.
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