So you're in a relationship, but you aren't as happy as you thought you'd be. How do I know this? Well besides the fact that I'm a part-time psychic, you opened this article.
The bottom line is that you're thinking that maybe you deserve better. If you're thinking it, well, it's probably true. Hopefully this list will help you validate the problems you're having, and if you identify with more than a few of them, know that you're not alone, and know that it's time to end it. Maybe you love him, but hey, we all love men who don't deserve it.
If you can't identify with any of these deal breakers, you'll probably find this helpful in the sense that you'll see that things could be much, much worse. And know whatever problems you're having are probably solvable.
Without further ado, let's explore these 29 deal breakers and find out if it's time to end it:
1. He doesn't let you look at his phone.
"Oh I just don't want you to read my text messages with my friends" is a classic, transparent-as-hell excuse which roughly translates to "I'm cheating on you". As if heterosexual male text message exchanges are something to be hidden. Have you ever actually read a guy-to-guy text message steam? I have literally been less bored reading the Bible.
2. He's lazy.
If he's lazy, he'll never strive for much. A driven guy with negative 15$ and no connections is better than a lazy guy loaded with family money and a job lined up. Ambition and the motivation to be more will always get further you in life than someone who is lethargic or complacent but financial stable. Also -lazy guys are notoriously bad lovers and will never go out of their way to impress you, much less provide you with the life you deserve.
3. He won't introduce you to his friends or family.
If he's making no effort or straight up refuses to weave you into the rest of his life, then he's not taking you seriously and it's time to say BOY BYE and find someone who will.
4. His "bed" is just a mattress on the floor.
Bonus: it's also the only thing in his room. Super bonus: no sheets. He might have a great job or whatever, but it seems as though he's only four walls away from homelessness. None of this gives the impression that he's a grown up man, because he's not, he's a man-child. Watch out for signs of blatant immaturity.
5. He calls you degrading names.
Whether it's "stupid" or as aggressive as "bitch", it's absolutely not okay for him to talk down to you like that. Your S/O is supposed to be the person who loves you more than anything. He's supposed to think you're the greatest person in the world. This person, on the other hand, thinks you're a "stupid bitch". DEAL. BREAKER.
6. All of his clothes were bought by his mom.
Or they were shot out of a cannon at a rave, or they were handed down from his ex-girlfriend's dad. This isn't an absolute deal-breaker, but it's a tell-tale sign that he's a man-child, which might point you to some other flaws which are constitutively a deal breaker.
7. He's selfish.
In bed, in life. If he doesn't understand the give-and-take in a relationship, he's either a selfish dude or a misogynist who thinks that men should be entitled to privileged behaviour in a relationship. He's wrong, and you're out.
8. He has horrible hygiene and manners.
Separately, these things are manageable and probably fixable. But in tandem, they are a deal breaker. If he's peeing on your toilet seat after refusing to flip it up, or picking his toenails/nose in your bed and blatantly flicking them into your comforter, think about moving on.
9. He isn't there when you need him.
Whether you need help moving or you're dealing with an emotional family trauma, if he's not there to help now, he never will be.
10. He has no sense of humour.
If you're going to share your life with someone, you're going to want to be silly and have fun with them.
11. He thinks everything is a joke.
The opposite of the former, kind of. Everything is a joke to him. Even when you're BEGGING him to be serious for just one second, he won't.
12. He's addicted to porn.
He’ll have a skewed sense of what’s normal. And whether or not he admits it to you or himself, he'll be comparing you to what he's seen. He'll also expect unrealistic things from you that he has come to think are normal, thanks to the fantasies and myths constructed by porn.
13. He makes no effort with your friends and family.
He doesn't want to hang out with your friends, because they're "lame". And every time you mention anyone, he has no idea who you’re talking about despite the fact that you've talked about them several times before. These responses demonstrate that he doesn't care to get to know your life because he's not really that interested in it.
14. He treats you like you’re his mother.
This doesn't necessarily mean you're cooking and cleaning for him, but it can. More broadly it denotes the attitude he responds with when you politely ask him to stop playing video games or watching horrible YouTube videos. If he responds like a 13 year old kid in a movie whose nagging, fun-sucking witch (hard-working mother) just cut the TV cable, then he's a man-child and is obviously not capable of a mature adult relationship. If he cannot fathom the fact that you didn't come over explicitly to watch him murder Nazi Zombies* and cheer him on whilst S-ing his D, time to pack it up.
*or whatever the kids are into these days, it was Zombies last time I checked though.
15. They won't hold your hand or kiss you in public.
If he is crippled by the prospect of people knowing that he's in a relationship, he's either immature enough to think that showing affection is lame or gross, or he doesn’t want to publicly verify the relationship. More likely the latter, but in any case its a deal breaker.
16. They won't post pictures with/of you on social media.
The contemporary embodiment of #15. If he doesn't want to publicly verify the relationship and have his peers know that you guys are dating, then he's probably either seeing other people or planning on it. In which case, you should get out of there and do the same.
17. They don’t value your opinions or take you seriously.
If they never consider your point of view seriously or try to come to compromises after an argument or discussion, then they likely don't value your opinion. Beware of this one, anyone who thinks their opinions are inherently superior are likely narcissists.
18. They body-shame you.
If they make suggestions -even subtle ones- that you should work out or eat less, break up with them. Seriously, if someone who is supposed to love you objectifies your body, then they don't really love you.
Exceptions: All you eat is fast food and they are genuinely worried about your well-being. They still shouldn't body shame you, but don't take the dietary comments as critically in this instance.
19. They constantly imply that their career/job/major is somehow more important than whatever you are doing.
If they don't see you as an equal, they won't treat you as one, and any relationship formed on that kind of imbalance is doomed to fail. Your S/O should love and support you, whatever it is you're up to. Anyone who makes you feel ashamed of your path is no good.
20. They tell you not to wear something.
If a boy tells you to take off your bold lipstick, two things to consider: firstly, he's controlling. If he tries to take away your style agency, you better believe he'll try to control other aspects of your life as well. Secondly, if he doesn't appreciate the individuality and personality you express in your style, then he doesn't like those things about you, point blank. The internalization of someone else's dictation over your clothing choices will inevitably bleed into the other choices you make, choices that will be made because of what someone else wants you to be. Controlling boyfriends will only dim your light, so save your shine for someone else.
21. They refuse to participate in things they know you really like and are meaningful to you.
If someone you love rejects the things that you like, you will likely start to like those things less. Also, if he decides that your hobbies and passions are not valuable without giving them a chance, he obviously doesn't care to be your equal and he's probably a narcissist. Rejecting the things you love is basically rejecting who you are, and overtime this rejection will begin to deteriorate who you are. Don't let that happen, get outta there instead.
22. They get overly frustrated at your minor flaws.
Is he constantly getting frustrated by how long it takes you to tell a story? Someone who really loves you will think it's adorable when you stumble on 8 tangents along the way. Someone who loves you will consider your flaws to be “quirks”. If they find your little habits to be irritating rather than endearing, that's a surefire sign they don’t really like you that much.
23. They still talk to their ex.
If they haven't let the fire of the past die out, then you're competing with someone who has a longer history with your boyfriend, someone who they were obligated to long before they met you. If that doesn't intimidate the shit out of you, I don't know what will. If they won't cut their ex out of the picture, then they're one million percent still in love with them, just sayin'.
24. They don’t make time for you.
They just expect that you’ll be waiting for them whenever its convenient for them.
25. You are the victim of a problem that they acknowledge but won’t seek help for.
Whether it be a drinking problem or an anger problem, you will bear the brunt of it. Acknowledgement and apologies are not good enough, either he gets help, or you need to get out.
26. They shame you for your past.
If they continue to berate you for the person you were before you knew them, or something that is behind you and bears no relevance in your current relationship, then your boyfriend is insecure and you're going to end up feeling guilty all the time for no reason.
27. They don’t want you to have a life outside your relationship.
If they are needy or jealous and make you feel guilty for resuming your own life while you're with them, then they are insecure or controlling and need to be dumped.
28. They are never content to just relax and hang out with you.
A happy relationship doesn't need to be sustained by extravagant dates. A healthy couple should just be happy to be in one another's company, wherever or whatever that means.
29. They hate the L-word.
It could mean a commitment problem, or maybe it's a sign of immaturity. Could be both, or it could be worse- maybe they actually just don't love you.
Gif cred - Giphy
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