30 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time In Toronto
I think we need a break.
Whether you've lived here your whole life or moved to the big city in pursuit of something great there are certain things you quickly learn to adjust too in Toronto. The glare of the city lights seeping through your bedroom window, the smell of city smog, panhandlers guilting you into giving them money by having cute pets, never ending debates about where to get dinner and drinks, the deafening sounds of sirens, the list is endless. There are just certain things about this great city that you quickly become immune too, not to mention the development of strong, defensive feelings about certain things. Toronto is where we call home and we're protective over that.
We play by our own rules around here and we don't take orders from anybody.
Toronto Torono is a way of life. Fall in line, or step aside.
For better of for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part and all that, but maybe we need to consider taking a break- it's not you Toronto, it's us, Here are 30 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time in Toronto.
1. You don't even flinch anymore when shouted at.
'BELIEVE!' that you are not even phased anymore by anyone shouting anything at you from 10 inches away, ever.
2. You're still dedicated to the leafs
They suck, you know they suck, but they are your hometown team and loyalty is important to you. But seriously, when will enough be enough?
3. You have multiple pictures with Toronto Batman.
Meeting him once was cool, having an entire photo album on Facebook dedicated to him? Not so much.
4. You're really starting to like Rob Ford.
So what he smoked crack that one time? You felt super defensive when Jimmy Kimmel had him on his show and made fun of him, He's was YOUR mayor, only you can make fun of him.
5. You hate eye contact or other friendly gestures.
Don't you dare even look up at me while I am speed walking down Yonge street, I obviously have somewhere to be and have no time for smiley exchanges with strangers.
6. You want to punch slow walkers in the back of the head.
Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. It's seriously not that hard people. PICK UP THE PACE!
7. Men: you've dated a girl obsessed with her eyebrows, Ladies: you've dated a man obsessed with his beard
We take our personal appearances very seriously here. Ladies, chances are you've dated a guy with a steady supply of beard shampoo in his shower. Fella's you've dated the girl who's Instagram bio is 'Don't let anyone with bad eyebrows tell you shit about life.'
8. You can name the location of Wheelchair Jimmy's.
Not only do you know all about the Wheelchair Jimmy memes (pictures of Drake's face stickered on wheel chair signs across the city) but you can name the location of at least 15 of them.
9. You've accepted the TTC in all it's unbearable glory
You can't even find the energy to get mad about delays anymore. You've factored in the time it takes for the TTC to be stupid into your daily commutes or you've programmed a 'Sorry, I'm going to be a little late, the TTC is delayed (again!)' e-mail into your drafts for easy send-ability.
10. You're a coffee snob.
How dare you even suggest I drink Tim Hortons? I am all about Dineen.
11. You refuse to visit anyone who lives even remotely outside the city
What is Mississauga? Is Pickering some type of bird? Whitby? Okay, now you're just making words up.
12. You're broke
Seriously, this city is effing expensive! You have $750 a month for rent? Well enjoy your closet space at Dundas & Sherbourne.
13. You've dropped the second 'T' from Toronto
Who has time for so many 'T's'? We're really busy in this city so it's Torono, not Toronto.
14. You want less McDonalds, more Burritos
Chipotle is like gods gift to this glorious city and we appreciate it but what we really need is to start replacing all Mcdonald's in the city in favour of more 'Burrito Boyz'
15. You don't even care that the bars and clubs close at 2am
It's probably for the best, you have a lot of shit to do tomorrow and 2am is usually when you start getting hungry anyways- Street meat anyone?
16. You refuse to call the Skydome the Rogers Centre
It has only been 9 years, you'll get there when you get there.
17. It infuriates you when people say Drake 'Started from the bottom'
Actually, he came from Forest Hill which is definitely not the bottom, There's also rumours that his childhood home had an in-ground pool...
18. Sushi is a food group
Fruits, vegetables, dairy and sushi. You have a directory of all you can eat sushi places programmed into your phone because you just never know.
19. You're so over Dundas Square
Your out of town friends are all like 'Omg its like Times Square, that's so cool!!!' and you're all like 'Meh.'
20. You only drink craft beer
You are shocked and appalled by someone who orders Coors Light.
21. You can navigate construction detours with your eyes closed
Walking down Yonge Street during construction season is no easy feat but not only can you do it, you can do it with your head down, focused on your smart phone, texting and blasting music. You are a parkour artist.
22. You've forgotten how to drive
Who lives in Toronto and owns a car? that's just silly.
23. You have zero patience for tourists
Don't look at me, don't talk to me, definitely do not ask me how to get to the Ripley's Aquarium.
24. Brunch is the only meal you care about on Sundays
Sundays were made for one thing and one thing only, Eggs Benny.
25. You own jays gear but never watch baseball
Wait, the jays play on actual television? People actually understand this sport? but it's soooooo long.
26. You're so over the Eaton Centre
The Eaton Centre is for subway access and subway access only. There is absolutely no need to fight off 11387834 tourists in order to buy a top.
27. You take personal offence to the mispronunciation of 'Roncesvalles'
Everyone says it differently but you say it right.
28. You're actually starting to believe that the poutine is good
There is no such thing as good poutine in Toronto, there is, however, such thing as good enough poutine in Toronto.
29. You can sketch a map of the PATH in under 30 seconds, with your eyes closed, with one hand tied behind your back
If it starts raining you don't even need to think twice about how to get from campus to Union Station, there is no way you are getting wet.
30. You scoff at people who take photos of the CN tower
Ew, you're such a tourist.