6 Reasons Why 'Trainwreck' Makes Amy Schumer Every Toronto Girl's Spirit Animal
"Repeat after me... Monogamy is not realistic"
No matter how confident, independent or kick-ass we may be, there will be certain moments in which we feel like total trainwrecks. Sometimes, it’s a particularly hungover morning when we wake up face-down in bed, half dressed and still clutching a McDonalds bag. Other times, it’s when we're on a date that is going so badly we actually contemplate faking an imminent emergency to flee the scene. Regardless of what might inspire our internal terror, these things happen, especially to a twenty-something girl spreading her ‘new adult wings’ in Toronto.
We already know we love Amy Schumer; she is, if anything, the current it-girl of everything hilarious, feminist and brutally honest. Once we caught a glimpse of the trailer for her new movie, Trainwreck, most of us likely thought, “oh my god, this is my life.” Now that the movie is officially out and garnering much-anticipated rave reviews, here are a few reasons why Trainwreck makes Amy Schumer every Toronto girl’s spirit animal.
1. Sleeping Over After a One-night Stand Actually Sucks
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There’s a significant difference between the sleep-overs you share with someone you’re dating and the ones you share with someone you dragged home from Cube after a few (a lot) too many double vodka crans. Yes, we get it, kicking someone to the curb (or the cab) once the deed is done seems far from polite. But if we’re being honest, sometimes neither party is that eager to awkward spoon all night just to wake up, hungover and uncomfortable, face-to-face with last night’s drunken conquest. Not to mention, rolling over in bed to spot the waterfront outside the window when you live all the way at Bloor and Yonge… means a long TTC ride of shame home.
2. Yes, There is Such a Thing as ‘Too Big’ and it is Terrifying
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Amy’s reaction to her one-night-stand’s impressive um.. package.. is literally perfect. “Have you actually f*cked someone with that? Where is she buried?” Comedic genius aside, this is actually a very legitimate fear many of us feel. Guys, if you are proud of what you have to offer in that department (like most Toronto guys seem to be, justified or not) all the power to you, but don’t doubt that the first thought going through our minds is “holy shit, what is that? How is that going to…” yeah, you get the point.
3. Some Guys Really do Suck at Dirty Talking
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We’ve all been there. The out of body experience, our faces twisted in both confusion and horror as we stare up towards the ceiling at his high school Leafs poster wondering, “How did I get here? Why is this happening? Does he really think that will turn a girl on? Did he really just call me that?” Granted, in Amy’s case she was involved with a by-the-book meathead who’s idea of dirty talking was an explicit description of his work-out regime, but the scenario strikes a chord with us anyways. “Yeah girl, you like when I call you a ‘woe’?” No, no we do not.
4. Contrary to Popular Belief, Not All Girls are Out to Find a Relationship
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Thank you Amy Schumer for having the balls to break the traditional mould of girl-seeking-boyfriend romantic comedies. Instead, she flipped the switch to show that sometimes, it's the guys spilling date details at lunch while the girl orders a mimosa (hold the orange juice) and avoids any and all serious relationship talk. That's not to say there is anything wrong with relationships, or wanting to be in one, it's simply a refreshing reminder to see that girl's aren't always looking to be tied down and if there is any city where that would be applicable, it's Toronto. Where are all my (happily) single ladies at?!
5. Humor is Everything: Funny Girls are the Best Girls to Date
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If there is one thing Toronto can boast, it's a lot of really (and I mean really) good looking women. But, as attractive as Amy is in her own right, she reminds us that the absolute best thing about girl is her personality; even more so, her sense of humour. Some of the women I have met in Toronto can cut it up better than most of the guys, and they aren't about to hold anything back. After all, it's one thing to be a girl who rocks yoga pants like someone who's been doing pilates since they were in the womb, but it's another thing to be a girl who not only looks good, but can slam back some beers and absolutely tear up your friends with a wicked sense of humour.
6. We all Wish our Love Interests had a Best Friend as Hilarious as LeBron James
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MVP on the court and apparently behind the camera, LeBron James was absolutely hilarious in Trainwreck. As he drills Bill Hader with demands like “Are we going to watch Downtown Abbey later? Because I’m not going to practice and all the guys are talking about it and I’m left out” we can’t help but immediately fall in love with LeBron’s weird, sensitive charm. Even better is when his 6 ft. 7 frame launches into a lightning-round of questions to drill Amy on her intentions with her boyfriend, “What are your intentions with my boy? When you’re looking at clouds, do you see his face? Do you get butterflies when you hear his name?” Sorry, where can we trade the(AKA the friend of a friend of that guy in Drake’s crew) for a guy who is friends with LeBron James?