Love it or hate it, York University is one of the largest and most recognizable universities in Ontario. With that size and diversity, it's inevitable that you'll come across some... interesting individuals with admittedly hilarious things to say. What follows is a compilation of some of the funniest things that have been overheard at York U over the past few years, courtesy of the Overheard at York U Facebook group.
Now, whether they were trying to be funny or not, we can't say for sure, but it's safe to say that we at Narcity Toronto had a laugh at the following conversations overheard at both York's Keele and Glendon campuses! See for yourself, and don't forget to share with all your fellow York U friends!
1. Overheard on the fourth floor of Scott:
Girl 1: "It's pretty risqué."
Girl 2: "You mean risky."
Girl 1: "No, it's French. You know, like cliché."
Guy: "Yeah, as in quiche."
2. "Don't buy a bible, go to a hotel and steal one!" - professor
3. Minding my own business in the Bethune JCR when suddenly I hear: "So what hentai are we watching today?"
4. "Just because this assignment isn't worth marks doesn't mean you should be day trading, using facebook, surfing the web, or looking at pornography in class. And yes, you would be surprised..."
5. Heard in the Martin Family Lounge (ACE): "Like, every other word, like, out of his mouth is, like, a swear word. Like, get a vocabulary."
6. During a tutorial, a discussion on whether or not the Governor General and the Queen should remain part of Canada's law making process for a traditional purpose took place. The girl in front of me answers, "OMG YES, I love the queen, she is so cute! She wears all those adorable hats."
7. "I choose not to believe in sports." - Guy in Second Cup
8. Girl whispering to her friend during lab: "What's a decimal?"
9. Behind me, two classmates walking up the stairs:
Girl 1: "OMG. I'm so tired."
Girl 2: "This is like a marathon!"
It was only four flights of stairs.
10. "I don't love animals, I don't hate animals, all I know is that they taste good." - Social Psych professor
11. "If sex was entirely natural, how do we account for blowjobs?" - Social Issues professor
"Well, some people are naturally kinky." - Student
12. In a gender issues class:
Student: "Can I get a definition for violence against women?"
Professor: "Great question! Violence against women can be defined as violence that is taken against women."
*everyone picks up their pens and starts writing frantically*
13. "We have to learn to talk to people without them thinking you're a weirdo." - Social Issues professor
14. Group of girls at Scott Learning Commons:
One girl: "What do you think two dots [while texting] means?"
Her friend: "I think two dots means that he likes you and is trying to get you to go out with him."
15. Overheard at Glendon's cafeteria:
Girl 1: "So, did you tell him?"
Girl 2: "Tell him what, that his penis is going into an infected hole?"
16. "A C-plus is a drink, not a grade." - Guys at hot dog stand
17. At Bethune's study hall: "No, dude, I masturbate like every day. But to some weird shit. And then I play soccer for a few minutes."
18. Walking out of Vanier college: "Guys, wait up for me, I need to go get Valium for my dad!"
19. "You need a rest, you need a cigarette." - Professor to students
20. "Enter, evil red pen of death!!" - Professor, when marking someone's work
21. The class is discussing criminal law and the relevance of consent when one guy asks: "What if you're having rough sex and there's consent, but then she dies in the process? Are you criminally responsible?"
22. Overheard in Vari Hall: "What are you talking about? Vanilla Coke is the LEAST racist pop there is."
23. Overheard a girl in Winters residence saying, "If I had a penis for a day I'd just penetrate everything."
24. On the 196 bus:
Girl 1: "Like, he didn't even know who NSYNC is."
Girl 2: "Who?"
Girl 1: "Justin Timberlake's boy band."
Girl 2: "Are they new?"
25. Overheard at the gym:
Guy 1: "I worked out all summer."
Guy 2: "It doesn't show."
26. Guy and girl holding hands walking through central square:
Guy: "So, my girlfriend's coming up this weekend. You're not gonna freak out or anything, right?"
Girl: "Nah, I'll be fine."
27. Guy filling out a survey on the fourth floor of the student centre: "It's unanimous, right? So I don't have to put my name on it?"
28. Walking out of Scott library: "That's why I only drink beer. There's no such thing as beer-dick."
29. In the bathroom in Ross South, what sounded like a group of three girls. One girl starts clapping and making noises of excitement followed by, "She's not having a baby!"
30. Two girls walking by Accolade East:
Girl 1: "It's too bad the subway station won't be constructed 'til the year after we graduate."
Girl 2: "No, the subway is a bad thing, then York will be a homeless magnet like campuses downtown, and who wants people begging you for money?"
Girl 1: "That's so true."
31. Overheard a girl studying for her history midterm: "Is it still USSR? Or is it Russia now?"
32. "This is Gender and Development - EVERYTHING we talk about is going to be depressing." - Course Director
33. Astronomy professor going over image of Hercules cluster of galaxies: "And if you look here, you can see that these two galaxies are actually colliding and seem to want to eat each other out."
34. A guy who has never once shown up to tutorial all semester walks into tutorial today to hand in his essay. Walks in 25 minutes late, looks at the TA and asks, "The essay is due today, right?"
TA: "Who the hell are you?"
35. Overheard a male student say: "Living my life is like playing Call of Duty on Easy. I just go around and fuck shit up."
36. Two guys in Tim Horton's line:
"You actually take dumps at school?!"
"Of course I do... better than walking around clenching my ass all day."
37. Overheard a male student say with a tone of disappointment: "My mom used to make it [food], but then she got a job."
38. Guy: "You have 936 photos on your camera roll and 95% of them are selfies with you doing duck faces. You realize these plus your hourly posts on Instagram make you a raging narcissist, right?"
Girl: "Ummm, like, what's a narcissist?"
39. Guy in my class today taps my arm at the end of the lecture and says: "Sorry to bother you, but can you just tell me what she said from the beginning?" Uh... no.
40. Two girls in the hall at Ross: "I am a really profound person, you know. Some people just can't handle my... profanity?"
41. "There's a guy in front of me in class watching My Little Pony. I don't even have a witty comment for that."
42. Overheard on the way to Stong: "Ugh, I have to buy a birthday card for my mom but I don't wanna break a $20 bill for a $1 card." Sigh...
43. A female student in 3rd year ancient Mediterranean class: "Where is the Mediterranean? Better yet, where is the Ancient Mediterranean?"
44. Outside Tait, two guys are talking, probably after a workout:
Guy 1: "Bro, your chest is massive."
Guy 2: "Yeah yo, it's all about going hard. By the way, do you think my nipples are getting too pointy?"
45. "What would you like us to call you? Mister? Doctor? Professor?"
"Your Majesty will do."
46. Student discussing exams with her classmate: "You know what the hardest mark to get on an exam is? It's 1%. You'd have to figure out exactly how to get 1%."
47. "Have you ever had a fantasy about a left handed midget in leather?" - apparently, the professor in a relaxation class while conducting a lie detector test
48. A group of girls in Atkinson parking lot: "Oh my god, we have to take a picture of this condom."
49. While walking from CSE, a super baked dude approaches me:
Baked Dude: "Bro, what time is it?"
Me: "About 8:45."
Baked Dude: "Damn, really? How come the sun's not up yet?"
Me: "Because it's evening."
Baked Dude: "Oh shit! I missed my midterm. Still, that was some good weed, bro!"
50. Indian professor: "Okay everyone, everything off your desk. Just a pencil, calculator, and a rubber."
Student: "Oh... I didn't know it was that kind of a test."
51. Overheard on the GO bus from Mississauga to York:
"Oh my god, these little 2-year old shits were running to me at recess and hugging me, rubbing their snotty faces all over my $400 TNA jacket. It's like, 'get away from me,' ugh!"
"If you hate kids, WHY are you working at a DAYCARE?"
52. Two girls having a conversation near York Lanes: "Cultural food is so sexy, once you smell that stuff it makes you so horny you wanna fuck."
53. "In class at Glendon and the guy behind me is rolling a joint! Only at York!"
54. Adolescence lecture in which the professor is asking the class questions:
"What age can you vote?"
"What age can you drive?"
"What age can you engage in sexual activity?"
55. Girl overheard sitting with her two male friends:
Girl: "... You know I've always wanted to be a stripper!"
Friend: "You're so ambitious!"
56. Overheard at Schulich: "I can actually feel this moment that I am living. Everything before was a blur. All I feel is this." *points at body*
57. Overheard at Vari Hall:
Girl fundraising for breast cancer: "Hey, do you like boobies?"
Guy passing by: "Nah, I'm an ass man."
58. Overheard in line for the shuttle bus:
Guy: "Why would you wear a condom if you're only doing that?"
Girl: "Because it tastes bad."
Guy: "... It tastes bad?"
59. Overheard two guys talking, they sounded high:
Guy 1: "Dude, today is 11/11/11, that won't happen again for like a thousand years!"
Guy 2: "Well, yeah, but tomorrow is 11/12/11, and that won't happen again for 1000 years either."
60. Overheard in class during break: "I don't smoke weed. Weed smokes me."
Follow us on Snapchat: narcitytoronto