9 Reasons Why Miley Cyrus Wouldn't Last A Day In Toronto
There are people in Toronto with actual talent.
Photo cred - mic
Miley Cyrus is everything that is wrong with the world. Not because of the way she acts or dresses but because of the reasons behind why she does what she does. During her MTV special last year Miley admitted that the motive behind her shenanigans is to get people talking about her.
Essentially, she's the worlds most irritating narcissist. We are all for being yourself and doing whatever you want to do with your own life but like shiyeeeeeeet, why do you have to push it so far down everyone's throat. It's a good thing Miley hasn't tried to migrate to Toronto because girl would get torn apart in our hood, here are 9 reasons why.
1. She Clearly Lacks Weather Appropriate Attire
It gets freakin' cold in Toronto in the winter, heck even the Fall and Spring can get pretty nippy (see what I did there?). Miley clearly lacks appropriate winter attire, or appropriate attire in general. She would freeze to death real quick.
2. Our Lack of Giant Swinging Balls
Despite a lot of construction, Toronto doesn't typically have a ton of these guys just swinging around and we all know how much Miley enjoys leisurely straddling wrecking balls- in the nude.
3. Torontonians Don't Often Donate Their Underwear For Consumption
There have been at least two separate occasions where Miley has put the under garments of fans that have been thrown at her on stage into her mouth, including a February 16th concert. She does realize she can just not acknowledge them right?
4. We Wouldn't Be Phased By Her "Unique" Personality
Oh cool, you smoke weed? Newsflash, no one cares. Smoking weed is no longer taboo or even something worth talking about. Living in a city like Toronto, there are way crazier things that happen on a daily basis than some whacked out rich girl smoking a joint or dressing some type of way. Get over yourself.
5. That Tongue Would Put Her Life In Danger
You cannot just walk around the busy streets of downtown Toronto with your tongue out down around your ankles. A homeless person will either try to be funny and grab it or a stranger may even misconstrue it as some sort of sexual advance and let's just say they will call her bluff.
6. There Are People In Toronto With Actual Talent
The city is bustling with incredibly talented singers, musicians, artists, etc. No one is going to care about some privileged popstar who got her start because her father coined 'my achy breaky heart.'
7. She's Barely A 3 Compared to Toronto Women
A pretty face goes a long way in Toronto but there are tons of gorgeous women all across the city. The thing about Toronto women is that they are not only pretty, but they're smart, most of them are classy and sassy in the best ways possible and they don't try incredibly hard to be something or someone that they're not because they dgaf about what people think or say about them. Also, they could wear the Ellen Degeneres haircut better.
8. Even Katy Perry Didn't Want To Kiss Her
Earlier this year on her Bangerz World Tour stop in LA, Miley decided to lunge at unexpected Katy Perry in the first row for a full on make out session. Katy eventually told the world that she thought Miley was just going for a peck and that no one 'knows where that tongues been' which launched a full blown girl fight over Twitter. Essentially, if Katy Perry-who has famously dated some pretty large scale douche bags- doesn't even want to kiss you than neither does Toronto or its people.
9. Toronto Men Ain't Got Time For That
Referring back to numbers 7 and 8 on this list, With such a large number of attractive and classy women in the city of Toronto why in gods name would Toronto bachelors want to get with Miley Cyrus for anything other than one frisky night? Toronto men are known for being young and successful professionals, as if they have time to put up with this hot mess.