The Dating Profiles Of Every Toronto Woman
Sexy sexy ladies.
Gentlemen what's not to love about Toronto Ladies? Whether it be their sexy style or their I'm better than you attitude, Toronto ladies just can't be tamed. They are in a league of their own.
If you're looking to date a Toronto biddy, I've just compiled your new bible.
New to Town
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 18-21
Occupation: Probably a full-time student with a part-time job at a froyo place
Can be found: Living in the hellhole that is Neil Wycik
Hobbies: Throwing up at U of T frat parties, sneaking in to Pitman at Ryerson, hanging out at Yonge & Dundas far too much, Eatons centre shopping, visiting her friends who work at respective Starbucks
Looking For: Someone who is just as new to Toronto so they can take lots of selfies at Yonge & Dundas and not feel like complete idiots. This girl is looking for fun, her standards are low since she just moved her from her exceptionally boring suburban town, even Jack Astors bodes a great time. Take her clubbing on John street, wow her with Ballroom, and eat at a Cora’s the next day.
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 24-30
Occupation: Cake decorator or soon-to-be kindergarten teacher
Can be found: Brunching at Lady Marmalade
Hobbies: Collecting vintage furniture pieces, meeting friends for lattes, boasting about the east end, talking about organic free-range meat
Looking For: A steady boyfriend. This girl is looking for someone who shares mutual interests with her, which do not include consuming copious amounts of alcohol or bacon. Her lifestyle is healthy and she would love a boy who does yoga and looks good pushing a baby stroller. Take her to the beaches for a picnic, bring wine, fruit, and cheese, giggle and love life.
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 18-26
Occupation: Works in her friend’s crystal shop
Can be found: On park benches
Hobbies: Full-time pothead, heavily into the “free hug” scene, is learning how to or already reads tarot cards, energy healing, talking about but never partaking in free yoga classes happening in the park
Looking For: A Kensington king. He has dreads, wears those awful hippy pants, and baths occasionally. The yang to her yin. She’s down to get serious with him, she’s a faithful pothead without a wandering eye. Take her to one of the markets many bakeries after a session and she’ll love you forever.
The PR Girl
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 24-35
Occupation: Some sort of PR job
Can be found: At events and openings
Hobbies: Networking, meeting new people that will be inviting her to more events, expanding her shoe collection, giving people the stank eye
Looking For: Appearances are important for this lady so you better have some impressive job to boast of. She’s not looking for anything serious, just some arm candy and a guy to talk about with her friends. Best way to grab her attention may be thru twitter (she’s live feeding on the reg) think way to hard about a couple of witty tweets and you’ll be good to go.
Photo cred - business-lady
Bay & Bloor Broad
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 25-35
Occupation: Something super officey, possibly head of marketing at A&W
Can be found: At her desk
Hobbies: Ordering obscenely complicated drinks from Starbucks, screaming at baristas for fucking up her obscenely complicated drink from Starbucks, eating salads, pilates, walking her dog
Looking For: A cute personal trainer to hit on. This women works 16-hour days and has little time for relationship trivialities. She doesn’t drink beer and words like “unemployed artist” frighten her. Don’t take her west of Ossington, actually best stay east of Bathurst with this broad. Chocolate martinis and a night at Weslodge should pencil you in her schedule. If not you could always sign up at her daily pilates class she never misses.
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 18-28
Occupation: Bartender at Dog and Bear or Sweaty Betty’s
Can be found: Can’t be found
Hobbies: Being cool is a full-time gig
Looking For: Someone who is an equal (a tall order with these fucking people) so someone with wicked tattoos, craft beer knowledge, an expert in useless information and knows where every street in Toronto is. If you play in a band that no ones heard of this could be a match made in heaven. She’s looking for a guy who is down to party any night of the week, because c’mon, who goes out on a Friday nights? Bleh. Make sure your whiskey knowledge is on point before approaching her at the bar. Good luck with this one.
Photo cred - queenssandkingss
City Place Party Girl
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 22-30
Occupation: Studied media and/or marketing and trust funds be flowin'
Can be found: 5th floor hot tub
Hobbies: Trying out new restaurants, partying in the condo party room, pre-gaming at someone’s condo, instagraming the fuck out of every occasion, looking pretty
Looking For: Someone with money. I should correct myself, some with a lot of money. This girl likes to have fun, and expensive fun is just so much better. She comes from a privileged family from some pristine suburban town. Her father set her up in the city with a pretty condo and all things that glitter. She loves tartare and kombucha cocktails, so get on it guys.
Age of Eligible Bachelors: 19-25
Occupation: Possibly a full-time serial dater or a student or recent university graduate
Hobbies: Joining, maintaining, and perusing online dating sites, texting guys to arrange dinner dates, spends copious amounts of time online reading restaurant reviews
Looking For: Inspired by last summer’s events, this women is a carbon copy of the serial dater who came onto the scene scaring Toronto bachelors everywhere. This women is looking for someone to take her out to an expensive dinner and then foot the bill. This type of girl cares more about the foie gras then how her suitor looks. Gentlemen be careful this type is rumored to be ruthless, have your wallets ready.