Photo cred - coffee-tea-and-sympathy

Toronto is home to a ton of great schools and with that comes a lot of really different types of people in one awesome city, including quite a few different types of students.

This isn’t “Mean Girls,” There’s no diagram of where the jocks, the plastics and the J.V. Jocks should be sitting because we are a way more accepting city then that but there are definitely a few key players in the Toronto Academia gang.

Never goes to class yet still gets better grades than you.

We all have that one friend, you know, the one who only attends classes the first week, if that. Literally always does fun stuff and posts cool Instagram photos while you, enviously, sit in lecture next to their empty seat. Then exams come and poof! Houdini reappears out of nowhere; you scoff because there is no way in hell they are going to be able to pass this exam. A couple weeks later you’re sitting at their house when grades come in and somehow this frickin’ dude got a better grade than you. If you are in this category, kudos, I bow down to you because you are literal magic.

The Exaggerator

“Oh my god! I definitely failed that paper, what am I going to do? My parents are going to cut me off and I won’t be able to graduate with all my friends, which means I won’t get a good job, which means I will be homeless forever!” is a weekly string of statements made by this type of student who legitimately never gets less than an A- on anything. This student is most likely just looking for a little reassurance, a little “I’m sure you did fine and that your parents will still love you” or an “At least you’ll make a really pretty homeless person.”

The Stresser

This student is always “so stressed out” or on “the verge of an anxiety attack.” Don’t get me wrong, stress and anxiety are real and alive in university students but the stresser seems to always be panicking and never actually doing any work. They send you 1000 messages a night about how stressed out they are for the exam tomorrow and you’re just there thinking “Maybe you should stop texting me and start studying, just saying.”

The Hermit

The first class of the year starts and poof the hermit disappears back into its shell. This is the student that envelops themselves into academics so deeply that you will not see them or hear from them between September and April. The hermit preps for exams beginning after lecture 1 and starts writing essays once the syllabus has been handed out, before the professor has even mentioned it out loud. If you are friends with this type of student you can basically forget about socializing with them until the ink has dried on their very last exam of the school year.

Photo cred - Vinicius

The Arts Students

Toronto has a large number of really great post-secondary schools and some of the best arts programs offered across Canada so campuses are often flooded with this type of student. Arts majors are generally pretty laid back and take full advantage of university life without feeding into the mainstream of it all because ew, mainstream is so mainstream. They frequent all the coffee houses on campus, love indie music and wear beanies, even in the summer. Just a heads up, chances are they will refuse to ever attempt any form of math because they took arts for a reason, people!

Engineering Students

Engineering students are confusing specimens, on the one hand they seem so studious and dedicated but then there are all these mumblings about how super outrageous their parties are and their hazing rituals are (Ryerson, I’m looking at you). During the week the engineering students are on lock down, glued to the library cubicles and venti espressos because let’s face it, engineering is probably the toughest program you can be in (they don’t even get a fall reading week at most schools, rough.) Make no mistake that once the weekend hits engineering students are a wild time.

Management Students

A good understanding of business casual and a desire to get rich or die trying is a must. Management students tend to stick with their kind and run in packs. They rarely leave their assigned buildings out of pure fear that they may bump into an arts students. Management students have one goal and one goal only and that is to become a giant corporate mogul, à la Donald Trump (only less icky.) They radiate self-confidence and rightfully so, they are the ones smart enough to work their asses off now in exchange for a life of vacations and early retirement later.

Social Media Possessed

Make no mistake, this student never misses a class and makes sassy comments about people who ‘are wasting their parents money by not attending lecture’ but they never forget their laptop or tablet at home-ever! They spend all class sitting in front of you searching up everyone’s best friend, boyfriend, mother and dog on social media. Their screen is so distracting because you are amazed by their dedication to the following steps: Open App, Scroll for 30 seconds, Close App, Wait 5 seconds & repeat because god forbid in those 5 seconds twitter has erupted with live updates of a zombie apocalypse. Do yourself and everyone around you a favour and leave your laptop at home, you lose all privileges

Coffee Snobs

Toronto campuses are crawling with this type of student, in fact, 99%* of people who classify themselves as any type of student in Toronto also fit into this category. With such an influx of coffee shops, seriously, there are approximately 26 Starbucks located between union station and any downtown campus*, it is no surprise that students in this city are coffee snobs. Why settle for a $1.60 double double from Tim Hortons when you can pay $6.50 for an extra hot, triple shot, skinny, vanilla, 1 pump of something-or-other, latte from a coffee shop with an exotic name and cooler cups?

*not real stats

Grad students

Kind of always look middle aged even though they rarely are. It’s like the second you finish your undergrad sweater vests become a necessity. Unclear as to why, but it's a thing.

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