How To Talk To Your Tinder Crush (Without Coming Off Desperate)
Tinderella: A Fairy Tale
So it happened. You and your significant other (they just don't know it yet) have miraculously matched on Tinder and your squealing like a little girl in sheer ecstasy. Then it hits you. What the fvck do I say.... You type, and delete and type and delete, fearing that you could ruin your one and only chance at blissful romance. Fear not, take our advice and be friendly, mysterious, humorous and most importantly, not desperate.
Tinder is a game of ego first and foremost, and the greeting is the first step in a dance of wit and competitive nonchalance and flirtation. Your greeting cannot and should not be generic, yet should never go so far as to make you seem desperate for a reply.
Here's an example of what will most likely never get you a reply on tinder:
DONT: "Hey (Insert name here)! :) You're rly hot :) Whats up???"
Excessive compliments, punctuation, emoji's and internet slang should be avoided at all costs. It makes you look weird, desperate, and incapable of regular social interaction.
Instead, try a simple customized greeting, something as simple as adding a person's name humanizes the interaction immediately.
DO: "Hey (Insert name here), how's it going?"
Even though you're sitting there staring at the screen frothing at the mouth waiting for a reply, they'll never be able to tell.
If you're looking to personalize it even further, try finding a detail about their pictures, profession, education, common interests, or mutual friends and include it in the greeting.
2. High-Quality Messages
No one likes a bland, stale Tinder conversation that goes absolutely nowhere. Assuming the greeting went over smoothly, now is your chance. Whatever piece of information they've given you, you need to run with it, but once again not so much that you come off desperate.
DO: Relate. If your crush says they're stuck in traffic, sympathize with a funny driving story, if they're laying in bed watching Titanic comment on how Rose was a selfish b*tch for not sharing that door with Jack.
DO: Ask questions. Nothing is worse than a conversation filled with "nice", "haha", "cool." It may be "playing hard to get", but it goes too far and makes you come off as self-involved and disinterested.
DO: Have a sense of humour and be self-deprecating. No one likes a person who takes themselves too seriously. One of the most attractive qualities in any person is their ability to laugh at themselves. If a bird shit on you this morning when you walked out your door, or you walked into a glass door, tell them, it'll loosen up the conversation.
3. Keep it Simple
A good conversation can go south quickly if one person becomes overly invested or awkwardly eager. Paragraphs, double messages and once again excessive punctuation and emoji's are forbidden. Instead:
DO: Express one idea at a time. No one likes being asked 4 questions at once and having to formulate a cohesive response. Messages that are short are quick and easy to respond to and keep the conversation flowing.
4. Leave Some Mystery
Mystery is the catalyst for attraction. Don't give away all your secrets before you've gotten introductions out of the way.
DO: Be aware of your perceived interest level. People are attracted to the "chase", the thrill of trying to win someone over. If you hand over your life story instantly there is absolutely no mystery or intrigue left. Instead, stay playfully coy and aloof at times to make them work for it.
5. Pay Attention To Detail
Gathering information about your crush is essential to understanding them and creating a memorable and meaningful interaction. When deciding if someone is interesting, people often take note of how well the other listens and how intelligently they respond.
DO: Show you ARE interesting and intelligent by recalling a detail your crush has previously revealed in conversation and work it into the conversation again.
6. Know The Signs Of Disinterest
SO you've tried it all. You're staying mysterious, you're greeting was on point, you're humorous, light-hearted, you're staying simple and personable, and they just really don't seem to be taking the bait. Know when it's time to bow out. Nothing is more unattractive than someone who doesn't know when to shut up.
DO: Have some self-respect, know the signs of disinterest and stop replying or texting if there's a clear lack of connection between the two of you.
DONT: Under any circumstances double message. Never text "??", never beg for anyones attention, if they were interested you would know, and any amount of prodding and trying to get their attention will prove futile.
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