I Wish You Wouldn’t: A Heated Letter To All Of The Slow Walkers In Toronto
Kindly, GTFO of my way.
Photo cred - ardenstreet
While the back of your head is ridiculously pretty to look at, I, like many other Torontonians, have somewhere that I need to fucking be so if you could kindly speed up that would be glorious (or else I will punch you in the back of the head). The thing about downtown Toronto is more often than not people are walking places with a purpose, not taking a lovely stroll through nature so remember that next time you decide to take your sweet ass time.
There are certain places where this is especially unacceptable, like Dundas Square. You should not, no scratch that, you cannot slowly stroll in the perimeter that surrounds Dundas Square because there are too many important places nearby that people may be rushing to you inconsiderate monster. Ryerson students may be rushing to an exam or someone may be trying to make the next subway and you are just in their way, being slow and ruining their life.
Photo cred - Chris
If you are slow walking due to text messaging or other forms of multi-tasking there is a special place in hell for you. Here's an idea, if you cannot do multiple things at once, such as walk and exist then don't. Texting and walking should be illegal like texting and driving because it is the same, only worse. You are legitimately making people severely insane.
I know that you are quite convinced that this does not apply to you, in fact, you often complain about slow walkers yourself but the truth is you are the worst and you think you are capable of walking and texting or walking and talking or, heck, even walking and breathing but false. If you feel a need to take a leisurely stroll do it somewhere far away from the rest of civilization. Thank you very kindly.
GTFO of my way and no one gets hurt