Photo cred - cbc
Friends (aka Poutines of Toronto),
We need to talk about your level of satisfaction. Without hurting your feelings too much, I just don't feel like you are meeting expectations, nor are you living up to your full potential. Poutine is a national treasure and you need to start respecting that level of honour a tad more. While it may be more of a Montreal trademark that doesn't mean you cannot kick ass, anything they can do, we can surely do.
Let's talk cheese. Never should shredded cheese be attempted to pass for acceptable. You need to get the good ol' fashioned cheese curds, perhaps you know them by the term 'squeaky cheese.' Some places in Toronto have it brought in from northern Quebec which we think you should all start doing, like yesterday. Cheese is legitimately 90% of the battle.
I think you may be underestimating the importance of a good quality gravy. You can't just put any store bought gravy you find on in the morning, poutine gravy is like pixie dust, irreplaceable. The gravy should never be the same type of gravy you would put on christmas dinner. It needs to be just right, not too dark, not too runny, not too salty and not too gooey. We're not being picking, we're just being honest.
The french fries should absolutely fucking never be store-bought frozen french fries that come in bulk from a local Costco. That is just spitting in the face of anyone who even comes slightly close to purchasing you. It's not that complicated, you have three basic elements, cheese, gravy and fries- how hard is it to mess that up?
The bottom line is that the
city of Toronto people of Canada love you too much to watch you continue to not live up to your full potential. This is all coming from a place of love but seriously fucking try harder immediately.
Hungry For Something More.