Ten. That is the average number of sexual partners a Canadian women aged 20-60 will have in her lifetime according to the global Durex Survey. For women, that's ten partners in 40 years - around 2 or 3 partners every ten years. This also means going years and years at a time without any sexual partners at all - you can forget about taking part in any one-night stands after a Saturday night at EFS. For those of us who are in our mid-twenties and have already passed that number, excuse us while we pick our jaws up off the floor.
Obviously Durex didn't poll enough Torontonians for this survey because these numbers seem a little off... or do they? Another survey from the National Center for Health Statistics revealed that 60 per cent of the women polled admitted to lying about their number of sexual partners while a comparable 64 per cent of the men have lied about theirs. Commonly, men are a little more conceited when it comes to this and round up, while women stay more on the shy side and round down.
For guys, think of it like the Leafs season so far. Everyone knows they are at the bottom of the Atlantic Division but no born and raised Torontonian wants to admit it. When it comes to girls, here are the reasons why they're lying when it comes to their number.
1. To Avoid Judgement
Photo Cred - Pop Sugar
For starters, if the average is ten, women don't really feel all that comfortable saying they're already higher than that number in their mid-twenties. That may only mean around 12 or 14 partners by age 25, which is seemingly fair, however, the national average is still only ten in an entire lifetime. With this comes the fear of slut shaming. Let's get one thing straight, a woman's number does not define her. She is not a whore whether her number is 7 or 27 nor should she be afraid to share her number for fear of judgement. Picture Zanzibar versus Remingtons. Yet, regardless of what a women discloses as her number (truth or lie) men always say they've had more sexual partners than women. Who's calling who a slut now?
2. To Forget The "Mistakes"
Realistically, a number is just a number. They don't actually mean anything, they really aren't that important at all. So, with that in mind, how does it make sense to reduce the men in our life to just a single number? Granted some were frivolous, drunken one-night stands that we can barely remember but on the other hand, some of these men were long-term boyfriends, the kind you take to a Wednesday night Raptors game - serious relationships. You can't just lump these two types of sexual encounters into a single category. Yes, some were mistakes but others were what would be considered lovers. Reducing them both to a number just isn't fair.
3. To Avoid Seeming Inexperienced
On the other side of of being too promiscuous, there's also the fear of being too inexperienced, especially if you are below the average. If a guy's number is extensively higher than a girl's, she may feel less inclined to share her digits simply because he may think she isn't well educated enough in the bedroom. With the notion of being an amateur in her head, she will start to second guess anything and everything she does in the bedroom. And why on earth would she want to do that? She likes sex just as much as you so why would she want to ruin things by telling you her real number. The truth is just going to make her self-conscious and the sex sub-par. And Torontonians dislike two things: 1) People who don't understand escalator etiquette at the Eaton Centre, and 2) Sub-par sex.
4. To Make Guys Like Them
Really? C'mon. I shouldn't have to be the one to tell you that if a guy only likes you based off of a lie then he isn't the one. Why do women do this? It's really a no-brainer. Women should never ever ever ever lie to get a man's attention. As long as you're cool with yourself, who cares about what anyone else thinks. Own your number regardless of whether a guy's going to like it or not. You should never let a guy be the reason behind what you wear, how you do your hair or how you live your life for that matter. You are your own woman - like a real Chanel bag from Holts, not one of those knock-offs.
5. To Avoid Becoming Undateable
There's a stigma that after you've had sex with a certain number of men that you're tainted by them. Suddenly it's as if you have the black plague and no man even dares to sit next to you on the subway let alone touch you. Words like "damaged" and "loose" are thrown at you like flyers from the Believe Guy in Dundas Square. No sir, contrary to popular belief the goods are most certainly not damaged - worry about your own goodies. Such a stigma can really get to a woman emotionally and lead her to think she'll never find someone to settle down with. She'll start to classify herself as undateable, which isn't right. How many people you've slept with doesn't establish whether or not you'll be involved in a serious relationship. That's like saying the Blue Jays won't ever make it to the World Series because they didn't this year.
To sum it all up, Judith Duportail said it best in her article on VICE: "If you're not fucking anybody, you're frigid; if you're only having sex with your partner, you're boring; and if you're sleeping around, you're still a whore."
As long as you respect yourself, regardless of what your number is, then there's no need to care what everyone else thinks. Whether it's 8, 14 or 20, it doesn't really matter. It's cliched to say but there is someone for everyone - even in Toronto. And he's the type of guy who won't give a shit about the number of guys you've slept with. Whether or not you want to tell the truth or lie, stand by your number but never allow people to define you by it.