It's 5 pm on a Thursday. It's been a long week and you just want to go home to your bed and Netflix You enter the Dundas northbound platform and are greeted by the nightmare that is rush hour. You start to brave your way through the crowd to get to the tracks. People are everywhere.
You're half way through when someone, who's time is obviously more valuable than yours, body checks you out of the way. Frazzled, you truck on. You hear the train rumbling in the distance, the screen changes to read "1 minute". Everyone loses their shit. A full on stampede breaks out of tired, grumpy commuters trying to get home from work. It's every man for themselves as you fight for your spot on the subway car. At last, you squeeze in to a tiny spot in the car, squished between a massive man man with BO and a stroller with a screaming baby. Fantastic. This should be a fun ride.
The commuting life ain't easy. I don't think there is a single person who enjoys the TTC. I mean come on, there is nothing appealing about being uncomfortably close to a bunch of strangers in a confined space, but it's something all us Toronto folk must deal with at some point. Do us all a favour, follow these ten commandments and make everyones commute a little better.
Photo cred- Davoud D.
1. Thou shall not take up a seat just for your bag.
Contrary to your beliefs, it is not necessary that your bag, no matter how expensive it may be, have its own seat. There are people who've had a long day and just want to sit down, move your damn purse.
2. Thou shall read the subway ads and not make direct eye contact with anyone... ever.
This unspoken law is crucial. You must never make direct eye contact with any other passenger. You can read the ads, admire your shoes, play 2048 on your phone, but NEVER make eye contact with another person. It makes things impossibly awkward for both parties.
3. Thou shall not blast music loud enough to be heard by every person in the car.
While it is great that you're rapping T.O by listening to Drake on your way to school, the entire train likely does not share your love for rap music, much less wants to hear it on their commute. You are not the car's DJ, turn down your music.
4. Thou shall keep all body parts tucked in tightly to avoid any awkwardness.
Personal bubble people. Especially during rush hour, the bodies are packed pretty tightly into the cars. Treat the subway like a roller coaster. Keep all hands and feet in the ride at all times and no one gets hurt. There is literally nothing worse than coming home after a long day working at the Eaton Centre, and feeling extremely violated by the wandering hands of other passengers. Let's all go back to the rules of the playground and keep our hands to ourselves.
Photo cred - divya
5. Thou shall not eat a 4 course meal on the train.
This is not the Eaton's Centre food court and it is surely not your dining room. The subway is not a place for fine dining. Put away your smokes poutine, sushi, or whatever else you're may be, not so subtly trying to eat on the subway. Now is not the time for dinner. The subway is already a disgusting mix of sights and smells as it is, don't add to it. And don't you even THINK about leaving your garbage on the seat.
6. Thou shall not push people out of thy way to get on the train.
Once again. Hands to yourself. It is never okay to push people out of the way. Everyone has places to go and people to see., not only you. Other people's time is just as valuable as your own. Be kind, don't shove people in your rampage to get on the door before the door closes. It's dangerous and frankly just rude.
7. Thou shall not be that obnoxiously drunk girl or guy.
We all love a good time, don't get me wrong. But it's Thursday night, meaning Gracie's student night for majority of Toronto's university students, and time to drink. You've just finished your pre and hop on the subway to get to the bar. It's quite obvious to everyone around you that you're feeling those 3 shots of tequila, even if you're oblivious. You're incoherently babbling about how "white girl wasted" you plan on getting tonight and Keep yourself in check. No one wants to deal with a yelling, screaming, and often singing drunk.
8. Thou shall refrain from creepy pick-up lines.
"Are you going to the CN tower? Because I want to be CN you tonight." So much nope. The subway is not a place to pick up girls. People just want to get from one place to another, hassle-free. Same as walking down the street, no one wants to be harassed on their way home. Save your pick-up lines for Tinder.
9. Thou shall give up your seat to someone in need.
There are those marked blue chairs for a reason Toronto, give up your seat if someone needs it. Whether it's an elderly man, a pregnant woman, or someone on crutches, give it up to someone who truly needs it. You may have had the longest day ever and are exhausted, but put yourself in these people's shoes. If you were in their situation, you'd want someone to do the same for you. Give up your seat.
Photo cred - opensuer
10. Thou shall keep thy life story to thyself.
As much as we all just need someone to listen sometimes, venting about how late you're going to be to work, how excited you are about Suicide Squad filming on Yonge Street or how your boyfriend is being an idiot to whichever poor person happens to sit next to you on the subway is not a great solution. While some people are lovely and would love to chat with you, chances are they don't care and have their own issues to deal with without having to listen to a perfect stranger recount, in excruciating detail, what happened to you in your english class today.