Dating in the modern world that we live in these days can be really hard. You're not alone if you've been finding it really difficult to tell who's just in it for the hookups and who's actually out there searching for a real relationship.
It's easy to hide your true intentions in order to protect yourself from getting hurt. Because there's nothing worse than being the one who cares too much, right?
But as much as guys want to hide their true intentions, there's things that they all do to show us whether they're truly looking for a long term relationship with a girl or if they're just looking for a casual hookup.
In the next few pages I'll go through the signs that will show whether he wants a relationship or just a hookup through his actions, through your conversations, through your texting habits, through your hookups and through your dates.
If he's more touchy feely with you.
This isn't a huge sign that he's only in it for the hookup, but it can definitely be a clue. Some guys are much more touchy feely when they're trying to hookup with someone because that's the easiest way to show your interest and make physical contact to see if the attraction is there.
If he doesn't introduce you to his friends and family.
This is a pretty clear one. Everyone knows that friendship and family are two of the most important things in every person's life so if you're truly special to someone, they'll want the people closest to them to know you. So if they never invite you out for drinks with their buddies or don't invite you to the family holiday party, it's a pretty clear sign they're not looking for a serious thing with you.
If they don't show that they're with you on social media.
So you two go out to a cute restaurant and you post a picture of him and the food on your Insta story but he only posts a picture of the food? Yeah, he's probably doing that on purpose. He doesn't want everyone on his social media to know about you because he knows it's not a long-term thing.
He tells you he's not looking for anything serious.
This may seem like a pretty obvious one for most people. If he tells you he doesn't want a serious relationship then he obviously doesn't, right? But us girls are all about the nonvocal signs because that's how we usually communicate, so we automatically think that they must mean something else behind the words. But try not to think that you can convince him or that eventually he'll want a relationship because if he was straight up with you he's probably being honest about his intentions and won't change his mind.
If he acts like a gentleman when you're together.
This could be anything from holding the door open for you, buying you a drink at the bar, and holding your hand in public. It's usually the simple, little things that make the biggest statement that he truly cares so it's always a good idea to pay attention to his actions over his words.
If he makes plans with you in the future.
If he makes plans with you more than a week or two in advance you know he's thinking about a future with you. For example, if he buys tickets to a concert in 3 months time for both of you he definitely expects you two to be together then. Or if you two talk about traveling together next summer and start making serious plans.
If you're active on each other's social media.
If you're free to post photos of the two of you together on all your social media accounts and he does the same, then you know you've got a serious thing going. Being active on social media together is basically the same as having 'the talk' in the modern world we live in right now.
If they tell you how much they like you.
Another one that should be pretty obvious, but sometimes isn't. If a guy tells you he actually likes you and really enjoys spending tons of time with you you should know that he's serious. It isn't always easy for guys to open up and really fall for someone so if they're saying they like you then they really do mean it.
For Through Your Conversations, Click "NEXT"
He Just Wants To Hookup
If he doesn't try to get to know you at all.
If he isn't expressing any kind of interest in you, then he probably is only interested in hooking up. If he doesn't ask about your childhood, your biggest fears and your hopes and dreams then chances are he doesn't care about any of that and is only interested in sexual chemistry.
If he doesn't initiate the conversation often.
If he isn't initiating the conversation very often, chances are he's trying to keep you a good amount of distance from you. He doesn't want anything serious so he's trying not to show too much interest, just enough that you know he's interested in hooking up.
If he tries to keep the conversation sexual.
You obviously can't always be keeping the conversation sexual, that's basically impossible. But if you're talking about your day and suddenly he's trying to steer the conversation to the bedroom, then you know what's mostly on his mind when you two are hanging out.
If he only compliments you on your appearance.
You really can't go wrong with giving compliments to someone. But when the topic of these compliments are always how hot look and how amazing your butt looks in your jeans then you probably know that he's only interested in your body. If he was interested in more than hooking up he would compliment your personality more then your body.
If he gets to know you on a deeper level.
If he makes an effort to get to know you on a deeper level by asking really personal questions, it's a good sign that he really does want something more than just a hookup. He's trying to get to know you as a person and find some common interests in your past and your opinions.
If he talks about his goals and dreams for the future with you.
A guy that truly wants a serious relationship with you will feel comfortable talking about his goals and dreams for the future and he'll encourage you to do the same. This way he can let you know what he hopes for his future and to see if you could possibly fit into this future as well.
If you can talk about your past relationships.
Usually if things aren't serious there's no reason to discuss past relationships and why they didn't work out. Talking about previous relationships can bring up a lot of unpleasant feelings so most people will try to avoid that at all costs. But when you're looking to get serious with someone that conversation will come up eventually and if you can talk openly about it then you know you're on the right track.
If expresses his feelings openly with you.
We all know that guys don't usually like being open about their feelings. But when a guy can let his guard down and talk about his feelings with you, whether it's his feelings toward you or his own life, then you've got something good going on. This is a sign of trust in your relationship.
For Through Your Texting Habits, Click "NEXT"
If he doesn't initiate text conversations often.
I think I mentioned this point in another page of this article but it belongs here as well. If he doesn't make an effort to text you and ask you how you're doing or how your day is going, then he probably just doesn't want to know because he's only interested in a hookup.
If he only texts you at night.
This probably isn't the only time a guy will text when he only wants to hookup, but it is probably the majority of the time. If he's only asking you what you're up to at night, he's probably only thinking of you during the night hours.
If he only texts you to make plans.
If the only reason he texts you is to make plans to meet up to know when you're on your way, chances are it's because he only wants to hookup. He's not interested in chatting over text, only when he wants to know when you're going to see each other next.
If he doesn't want to text you all day about nothing.
This one goes with the point above, he only texts you to make plans because he doesn't want to spend all day on his phone having an aimless conversation with you. The purpose of texting you isn't to know what you had for lunch or who you're hanging out with this afternoon, it's just when you're getting down to business next.
If he sends you good morning and goodnight texts.
This is an obvious one when it comes to texting. If the guy your seeing is thoughtful enough to send you a good morning text and a goodnight text everyday it's a clear sign that he really likes you. This means he's thinking of you when he wakes up and when he goes to sleep at night.
If he never ignores your texts, even if he's busy.
People can get busy, that's just how life works. But it's not hard for someone to take 5 seconds out of their day to reply to your text. So if he can do this even when he's swamped with work then that's him showing that he cares and that he really does want to hear from you during the day.
If you talk on the phone on nights you can't see each other.
So you haven't been able to see each other for a few days because life has been busy but you miss the sound of their voice. If you're both able to talk on the phone and catch up on everything that's been going on, you've got a good, long-term thing going on.
For Through Your Hookups, Click "NEXT"
If he wants to hookup right away.
If he's just interested in sleeping with you, he's going to want to get down to business as fast as possible. He probably won't expect you to want to hookup on the first date but definitely the second. It will be clear he's not down to wait very long to get with you.
If there's not a lot of foreplay involved.
This obviously isn't the case with every hookup, but generally if a guy just wants to get you in bed he won't want to go slowly. He doesn't care to put a lot of effort into pleasing you in bed as much as he's focused on himself.
If he leaves before the sun rises or asks you to.
Generally, if you're just hooking up with someone there's no sleepovers involved. You don't wan to spend your night cuddling and talking until the sun rises so he'll get out of there as soon as you're finished. But if you went to his place he'll probably hint that you should leave pretty soon after.
If he gets upset if you don't want to sleep with him.
If a guy invites you over for pizza and a movie, it's already a clear sign that he just wants to hookup but that doesn't mean you have to. But if that's all that's on his mind, he might get angry if you make an excuse to leave before it can get to the bedroom part.
If he's not eager to move too quickly.
This isn't true of all guys, some want to sleep with someone before they even know whether or not they want a real relationship. But it can be a good sign if he isn't eager to get into the bedroom with you and wants to take his time to get to know you first.
If he takes his time to make sure you enjoy yourself too.
Guys are known to be pretty selfish in bed when they just want to sleep with someone. So when he takes his time to make sure you're enjoying yourself as much as he is then you know he cares enough to be thoughtful.
If he stays over after to cuddle all night.
Cuddling releases all kinds of good endorphins and serotonins to make you feel happy just as much as sex does. So when he's willing to stay over and cuddle with you all night long it shows that he wants to be more intimate with you than just having a meaningless hookup.
If he never pressures you into anything.
If you don't want to hookup right away or you're not comfortable doing something that he wants to do in bed he won't pressure you. He's happy to take things at whatever speed you want to as long as he gets to be close to you.
For Through Your Dates, Click "NEXT"
If you barely ever go out together.
If they're just in it for the hookup he'll barely ever ask you to go out on a date in public with him. He's not interested in wooing you through a cute and romantic night out, he's only interested in charming you into bed and this is best done when you're in private.
If he only suggests dates at his place.
The classic 'Netflix and Chill' date will definitely be suggested if he's just interested in hooking up with you. This way he already has you in his apartment for a simple reason other than just obviously hooking up. But it's clear that those are his intentions if he only ever wants to see you inside his place.
If he texts you last minute to hang out.
If he's just in it for the hookup, he's probably not interested in planning elaborate dates with you. He'll text you that afternoon to hang out in a few hours or he'll send you that midnight 'you up?' text to see what you're doing and if you're willing to come over.
If he only wants to see you in the evenings.
If he doesn't want to stay over at night and he doesn't want to plan your dates, chances are he won't be interested in seeing anytime before 5pm. Once the evening rolls around it's fair game but anytime before that will mean he'll have less of a chance of getting you into bed.
If you go on real romantic dates together.
This shows he doesn't just want to impress you in the bedroom. He's putting effort into taking you out on fun and romantic dates so that he can win over your heart and mind first.
If he shows some PDA when you're out together.
It doesn't have to be a steamy make out session at the end of your fancy dinner, it can be as simple and sweet as holding your hand as he walks you home, kissing your cheek or giving you long hugs. Anything that shows that you and he are together when you're out in public.
If he asks you out for dates any time of day.
If you spent the night together he'll make sure to take you out for breakfast in the morning or he'll ask you out for a lunch date on the weekends. It isn't all about getting you into bed at night, it's about spending time with you that matters.
If he asks you out to meet his friends and family.
This is an important step in every real relationship. If he cares enough about you to introduce you to the people that are most important in his life, then you know it's real.