Being cheated on is probably one of the most difficult things anyone can go through. Being unfaithful can come in so many different flavours and each one hurts as much as the last. That said, if you interviewed everyone - guys and girls - who have ever strayed on their S/O, you would most definitely slowly start to see some consistencies and patterns emerge.
Something to keep in mind, wether you're a guy or a girl: we often contribute to our partners shady behaviour more than we would assume. The key to cheat-proofing your relationships is being conscious of the real ugly truth of why people feel the need to cheat in the first place.
Over the next few pages we will be looking at some of the different forces that impact the chances someone will stray. We will look at inside influences, outside influences and the overall health of a relationship. We will also dive a little deeper and dissect the difference between two types of infidelity - emotional cheating and having a side bae.
For Inside Influences, click "NEXT"
Girls cheat when they are insecure and need constant validation
We all have our moment of insecurity, but some girls may find themselves constantly on the extreme side of the spectrum, and constantly anxious. When you are stuck in this metal spiral it's easy to read into every little thing a guy does and jump to the first negative conclusions. As a result, these girls may be more likely to be un loyal if they need to find their validation somewhere else.
Guys cheat when they are impulsive people that can't say "no" to instant gratification
At the same time, many guys are thrill seekers. Always out to find the next rush, something to get the adrenaline pumping. These types of guys are the ones that have a hard time saying "no" to instant gratification in favour of something better long-term. If they can't control themselves on a day-to-day with other things in their life, chances are, they won't be able to in their relationships either.
Girls cheat as a way to temporarily escape relationships issues
Relationships can be tough. And sometimes, especially if we are feeling insecure and a guy is not treating a girl the way she feels like she deserves, she may just go find it elsewhere. The right thing to do would be to confront him, but this may be too scary for some girls, so just finding someone new is the best and easiest option.
Guys cheat when his girl puts up with bad behaviour in general
That being said, if a girl doesn't speak up for herself in a relationships and tell her guy when he's pushed her buttons, he might just keep pushing. Don't assume that when a guy cheats it's entirely his issue. Sometime we contribute to peoples shady behaviour more than we think. That's why it always pays to be assertive and speak your mind!
Girls cheat when she feels a guy doesn't care about her feelings
We are all emotional creatures and relationships can bring out some tough emotions. Sometimes if a girl is feeling insecure she might believe that her guy doesn't care about her feelings, which might just lead her into the arms of someone who does. Or someone to distract her.
Guys cheat when a girl doesn't communicate her feelings to him
The funny thing is when a guy cares about a girl, he will WANT her to communicate with him. And he will feel left our of her inner life is she doesn't. Once a guy feels like you're neglecting him in this way, he may go look for that emotional connection somewhere else. The lesson here is: communicate. Always.
Girls cheat when a guy put him on a pedestal
At the end of the day, guys and girls are much more alike then we perceive them to be. It's normal to "put someone on a pedestal" and admire them while in the honey moon. But it's not normal to continue to do this forever. People are attracted to each other's rough edges and being able to see that side of someone and STILL love them is what a solid foundation of love is built on.
Guys cheat when a girl put him on a pedestal
Guys and girls will be more likely to cheat if and when they feel like their S/O doesn't see their "true" self. Flaws and all. Or when they feel uncomfortable showing the "real them". We all want to find people that embrace us for who we our in our most natural state.
For Outside Influence, click "NEXT"
Girls cheat when they feel like he hasn't lived up to her expectations
I'd like to mention that the roles here can be reversed, too. Guys also have expectations that they feel like she may not be living up to. Bottom line, the issue is expectations. They key to avoiding cheating is managing them for the get go!
Guys cheat because he feels pressured by unrealistic expectations
We can't erase expectations. Every movie and book we read about romance has built these expectations in our mind. So - the key is to question them and manage them, and most importantly - be vocal about what you expect with your S/O. Never leave them guessing. People aren't mind readers!
Girls cheat because they feel excited that someone new likes them
Getting excited physically for a girl is very psychological. Something that really turns a girl on is the idea of a guy being super into her. Sometimes, in long relationships, a girl may not hold the same power over her guy as day 1. So cheating might come from a need to feel desired again.
Guys cheat because they get a rush from the unpredictability and mystery
When it comes to getting physical guys are very visual creatures, but psychological excitement is also important too. When he is sneaking around on the side with someone new, this can be very exciting, and make a routine evening with his girlfriend pale in comparison. He might still adore and love his girlfriend. But a little unpredictability always makes the sparks fly.
Girls cheat when her friends and family never liked him anyway
Girls take their family and friends opinion very seriously, especially when it comes to romance. A girl may continue to date a guy even if her family doesn't approve. However, she might be more likely to stray or leave him if they we're never approving to begin with.
Guys cheat when all his bros are cheating on their girlfriends too
Guys are very influenced by their social circle. If all his friends are single and bro-ing out at the club every weekend, good luck cuffing him, because he will be wanting to keep up the pace. Similarly, if his friends are all locked down but you know that they often cheat, then he might be influenced by their lifestyle, too.
Girls cheat when a relationships has settled into a dull routine
Again, girls and guys aren't all that different. People crave a little spontaneity and excitement in their lives. It's just normal and human. So, once your relationship settles into a routine. it's SUPER important to make a conscious effort to break it every so often.
Guys cheat when a relationships has settled into a dull routine
If you want to cheat-proof your relationship it's in your best interest to try new things with your S/O. Do something that get's the adrenaline rushing a little bit. Even going out of the house for dinner and drinks helps change things up a bit. Avoiding taking someone for granted is key.
For Relationship Health, click "NEXT"
Girls cheat when she finds that he is constantly flirting with other girls
Everyone gets jealous, but not everyone is so great at communicating their insecurities and feelings. Sometimes, even if the flirting is meaningless, a girl might be pushed to cheat just to prove that she can do it too. Also, don't flirt with other girls in front of her. It's just bad manners.
Guys cheat when a girl acts irrationally jealous and paranoid
Similarly, if a guy is being a loyal boyfriend but his girlfriend is acting paranoid and irrationally jealous he will interpret this as her not trusting him. Ouch, that hurts. That might be enough to push him to actually fulfill her biggest fears. Why? Because clearly, she thinks he's the type of guy who would cheat.
Girls cheat when they realize that he doesn't fit into her future
On the other hand, girls may spend the first few months of relationships daydreaming about her future with a guy. But as the honeymoon fades out and masks drop, the rosy future she pictured in her mind may fade too. As a result, she may cheat as a way to test her love for him or just as an easy way out.
Guys cheat when they don't actually believe in exclusivity or monogamy
Sometimes people slide into relationships. Not necessarily because they want to be exclusive with a girl, but because they don't think there is any other option. Maybe he's afraid of keeping this "open" at risk of losing her. Or fearing judgment from friends. Whatever the case, it's 2017 - there are all different kinds of relationships and arrangements that are perfectly normal, as long as it's consensual. Have fun! And this will avoid cheating down the line.
Girls cheat when feels taken for granted
If you take a girl for granted your basically putting the nail in the coffin of your own relationship. Girls are VERY sensitive to this. We love being appreciated. Who doesn't! It's easy to slowly take someone for granted, especially when they are so kind and nurturing, like a lot of girls. Well, time to take the pulse of your relationship, because this is one of the top reasons girls stray.
Guys cheat when she puts all the effort in the relationship
Similarly, relationships take two to tango. If a girl is putting in ALL the effort and leaving no room for him to do the same, well I guarantee he will take you for granted down the line. It's a vicious cycle. We contribute more to people's "bad" behaviour than you would assume. The lesson is: try not to give more than you receive.
Girls cheat when they realize they never truly loved him
This is another way we find that guys and girls are actually very similar. It's normal for post-honeymoon to be an adjustment period. Some couples make it through, others don't. Sometimes we wake up to feel like maybe this person is not right for us anymore. This feeling might just be enough to send someone off to find a new bae.
Guys cheat when they realize they never truly lover her
Guys will obviously be likely to do the same. Once feelings fade or the realization that feelings may not be as strong as they expected hits, a guy will be motivated to move onto the next one. It's not pretty, but it's life.
For Emotional Cheating, click "NEXT"
Girls have emotionally cheat for attention
Girls love attention. In a world where we have a billion little things fighting for our attention, this invisible force is quite possibly the nicest gift you can offer someone. As a result, when a guy stops paying as much attention to his girl as he used to, she will most definitely go find it somewhere else.
Guys have emotionally cheat for an ego boost
Guys will be emotional un loyal for slightly different reasons. He may still absolutely love and be physically loyal to his girl, but her attention just doesn't mean as much anymore. He needs a little temporary ego stroke and validation from another girl. Which leads us to...
Girls will talk with random guys online for validation
Ah, social media. AKA the playground for emotional infidelity. Girls are more likely to be passive receivers of online attention from guys. Many girls in relationships will still post cute bikini pics and watch with pleasure as the likes climb up. If you're doing this, you can't really be mad at you BF for liking other girls pics. Which brings us to...
Guys will talk with random girls online as a "hobby"
Guys are more active seekers of attention online. This is also because you are much more likely to find girls posting thirst traps than guys. It's bait designed to get guys to stare. And guys who are in relationship will engage, just because that's the spirit of the times.
Girls keep a close guy friend because he is like a brother to her
Friends of the opposite sex are definitely a touchy subject in relationships. Platonic friends play a very different role for girls and guys. For girls, a guy friend is truly someone she sees as a non-sexual friend, kind of like a brother. Especially the ones she's known since childhood or high school. To all the guys out there: don't be threatened by her guy friends. Chances are, they really are "just friends"
Guys keep a close female friend because she gives him something a guy friend can't
On the other side, guys with female friends is a little bit different. In general, guys may be sexually attracted to their female friends but they keep her in the friend zone usually because SHE doesn't see him that way. However, if a guy likes a girls personality enough, he will be OK with this and settle for being her friend. Female friends can be really important to guys because they bring a touch of femininity that the bros just can't. So to all the girls out there: don't be threatened by his female friends, they are "just friends" for a reason.
Girls flirt with a cute co-worker to make the day go by faster
Last, flirting with co-workers is another touchy subject, and is bound to happen, especially if you work or go to school in a very co-ed environment. If your boyfriend is a mechanic or a programer consider yourself lucky. In any case, flirting with co-workers is great, even when your attached, and is normally meaningless. Flirting doesn't ALWAYS have to lead to sex.
Guys flirt with a cute co-worker to make the day go by faster
On the guys side, they feel the same way. Flirting is kind of like a sport or a game. It's fun to play for a bit, and it's not totally serious. Obviously, there are cases where people cross the line, but this is rare. Most of the time a little innocent flirting at the office is just a way of building good rapport and bonds with your co-workers.
For Side Bae, click "NEXT"
Girls will one-off cheat when out of town or on vacation and he will never find out
It's a little cliche, but it's kinda true. What bae won't find out, won't hurt them. Cheating comes in many different flavours, but a common one is the "one-off" drunken night. Maybe you don't even know his name and you will never see him again in the morning. IMO these are the least harmful to a relationships and can actually be quite healthy! We all need a "cheat day" sometimes.
Guys will one-off cheat just to be impulsive and spontaneous
When it comes to "one-off" cheating, guys and girls function in a very similar way. Think of it like a fast-food craving. Obviously no one wants to eat fast food ALL the time, but sometimes we just have an insatiable craving and cave. This is kind of how guys see a one-night-stand with another girl. Very low commitment and no emotional involvement. Just to scratch an itch.
Girls will have a side bae when they find someone that they feel that spark of romance with again
Things get a little more complex when it comes to full-blown cheating, though. I'm talking having a whole other secret relationship going on the side. For a girl, this is often the case when she wants to feel swept off her feet again, or when someone swoops in to sweep her off her feet. The lesson: guys, never stop doing cute romantic gestures. They are ALWAYS appreciated.
Guys will have a side bae when they a new girl who is out of his league gives him attention
I told you the truth would be ugly. On the flip side, a guy will be drawn towards another woman but only if she truly impresses him. If a girl who he perceives to be out of his league comes along and starts giving him attention, beware. Why do you think girls are more threatened by an attractive girl. It's just science. I'm not trying to say that he will always pounce on the first pretty girl that looks his way, but it's something to watch out for. The lesson: ladies, always make an effort to keep yourself looking good.
Girls will have a side bae when they find a guy who they have a better emotional connection with
To wrap things up, I can't stress enough how girls and guys are actually extremely similar when it comes to emotional connection. We all crave it. A mental connection with another person is the backbone of a strong relationships and is what makes good sex, well - good.
Guys will have a side bae when they find someone who they have a better emotional connection with
As a result, guys and girls will be more likely to take on a side bae if and when they find another person that they feel a stronger emotional connection with. Wether it's their sense of humour, intelligence or beliefs and values - whatever it is, finding someone you 'click' with mentally is rare, so it's hard not to jump onto that opportunity when it comes around. Even if you're currently attached to someone else.
Guys will stray when they feel like they can no longer be themselves around their girl
To wrap things up, the one thing that is the biggest relationship killer is not being able to be "yourself" around your S/O. Maybe you put on a mask for the honeymoon and you can't seem to take it off, or you just have a fear that they won't accept the "real you".
Girls will stray when they feel like they can no longer be themselves around their guy
Whichever the case, when girls AND guys feel this way, it often leads to being unfaithful. Putting on an act for someone is not sustainable in the long term and eventually starts to feel deeply uncomfortable. We all feel better when we are living in line with our genuine and authentic selves. This is when real love can really shine through.