Photo cred - tomorrowshangover

Remember that time you danced on the table and then broke the table and then made out with that guy claiming to be a fisherman from out of town? Yea, I don’t remember that.

Remember that time you stepped in all that broken glass and then walked home with no shoes? Nope, I got nothing.

Or what about when you screamed “I’m fucking crazy” to a crowd of strangers and then you poured your beer all over that nice blonde boys head? Nadda.

Oh drunken decisions, how you will forever remain a mystery to me and the universe. Let us now take a closer look at who enables all this downright bad behaviour. Who is behind this debauchery Toronto?

Dog and Bear

1100 Queen Street West

Don’t let the hipster’s fool you. This place is a haven for all things illicit. Start your night here, end your night here, chances are you will meet people and end up in a stranger’s apartment having the best time of your life. The next day you will feel like hell.

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The Imperial

54 Dundas Street East

Library books line the walls but we all know that attests to how fucking hardcore this place really is. Nights of debauchery begin at the Imperial. It’s where the first bad decision gets made that consequently has a domino effect. It’s that first phone call or invite to the person who you really shouldn’t be hanging out with. Knights of the round table gather, do six rounds of shots, and head out into the night.

Photo cred - Adam elmakias

The Lab

298 Brunswick Avenue

Cheap drinks, a divey atmosphere, friendly staff, and the kicker...Jameson is pretty much always on special here. This is a place where you get messy. This is a place where you throw candle wax at friends and ruin there $400 jacket (who the fuck where a $400 jacket to the lab anyways!?). This is a place where you walk up to random strangers and tell them they’re good looking. Anything could happen here, it’s a jumping off point really.

Bettys

240 King Street East

Betty’s is a lot of things to a lot of people. But mostly I think people go here and expect to have one or two pints but end up having about eight, and suddenly everything and anything seems possible. Whether you’re a business dude drowning out the work week or an actor wallowing in whatever it is you wallow in, people come here to forget and/or celebrate. A spontaneous afterparty is a must and you definitely polish off all your roommates bottles of wine that they’ve been specifically aging for awhile. Oh well, Betty’s made me do it.

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Grace O'Malley's

14 Duncan Street

Seriously? Ugh bad choice guys. This is a last resort when all of your terrible drunken selves run out of ideas. The lazy man’s attempt at an epic night. Upon arrival you will immediately do shots with random strangers, lose all of your friends in a matter of minutes, and go home with some random who probably lives in the annex.

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Dominion on Queen

500 Queen Street East

Let’s hope you don’t end up here, and if you do, let’s hope you managed to keep at least one person you know with you. Located on the relatively deserted strip on Queen East near river street, you didn’t quite make it over the bridge to Leslieville you drunken idiot. You attempt to play pool and call random friends to come meet you. You tell them you are at the Dominion and they respectfully decline. You end up spending a million dollars buying the bartender shots.

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Photo cred - skdmrkz

Sneaky Dee's

431 College Street

This is the climax. If you played your cards right, you made it here right before you blacked out. “I remember putting my purse in that corner in the back and then it gets foggy”. The light’s blur and it seems you’ve met everyone before.

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Crown and Tiger

414 College Street

This is the kind of place an 18 year old has a chance of getting into without being carded. Knowing this, think of the crowd it attracts. A drunken imbecile is bad, but an 18 year old drunken imbecile is really bad. An eclectic (what I’m really trying to say is sketchy) crowd is drawn here. Cheap pitchers, dim lighting, maybe a 50 year old, and some students.

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Prohibition

696 Queen Street East

Their happy hour is a serious, serious enabler of drunken bad decisions. $2.50 jager shots all the time and $5 beer and wine from 10pm-midnight. Get right outta town. How am I expected to prioritize things like a reasonable bedtime when faced with this? Instead, how about we do drugs in the bathroom and a million jager shots puhhhhhlease?!

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Wide Open

139 Spadina Avenue

The hole in the wall pit stop. Whilst making your way across the big bad city stopping off for a quick round of shots or a couple of cheap pints at wide open is a must. You will surely add someone to your crew and consequently lose someone amongst the crowd packed like effing sardines. You will inevitably spill something on someone or yourself here. You've been warned.

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