14 Signs He's Definitely A Calgary Fvckboy
The soggy bread of humans.
Fvckboy. Fuccboi. Fuckboy. Whatever you wanna call it.
What is a fvckboy? In the simplest terms, the soggy bread of humans.
I'll give it to you straight: We all have a little fvckboy in us. However, some more than others. Unfortunately, there is no "fvckboy repellent" on the market right now, so the only way to avoid a serious fvckboy is knowing how to spot them.
Calgary's fvckboys are pretty unique. For one, they're usually gorgeous. (That's how they get you.) They also have a few characteristics that'll help you pick them out of the crowd and run the opposite direction. Here 14 signs he just might be a Calgary fvckboy:
He'll allow you to pump your own (or his) gas in -20 weather.
And he'll tell you not to take too long... he might get cold in the car.
He's probably a hockey or football player.
And he "plays for" or is "bros with someone who plays for" the Flames or Stampeders.
He invites you to Stampede on a first date and makes you pay for your own admission.
You could have at least told me to get here at 6AM during free admission hours... could've saved us both $20.
He'll make negative comments on other girl's Stampede/clubbing attire.
But homeboy will still check them out though.
He makes you pick him up knowing damn well you live on opposing sides of the city.
You live off Macleod, he lives off Deerfoot... and you have to pick him up... every. time.
But he almost always wants to hang out on your/a different side of the city.
Yeah, sure- I'll just leave Royal Oak and pick you up in Legacy so we can hang out at Sunridge...
He will only take you to movies at Canyon Meadows.
$5 movies. Either that or he's using your Netflix.
He'll ask you to come out clubbing with him just for you to be DD.
Yeah, sure I'll drive you and "the boys" to Cowboys just to watch you get drunk and play wingman... Always doing things "ferda boys."
He over-fabricates his online dating profile.
You know damn well you are not 6'4 and that Tesla in your photo is at Chinook Centre, but I'll leave that one to the Lord...
He probably really enjoys hunting.
Because shooting down your hopes and dreams isn't enough.
His tinder picture is a photo of his ass/him naked.
I don't care how nice his ass is, ladies, STAY AWAY!
Or at the gym... change room mirror... flexing.
Arms strong enough to crush your heart, girl.
Or a photo of him holding a fish...
That's how you know you're not the only fish in his sea, honey.
He is probably really offended by this satirical article.
Of course, I'm kidding. We're all the soggy bread of humans.