Welcome to Calgary! The biggest city in Alberta (and we won't let Edmonton forget it.) With our population ever-growing, Calgary can get pretty overwhelming. Especially when you're coming from a different province. But don't worry, as a 15th year Calgarian, I am here to prepare you for your transition into a full-out Calgary resident. Hope you brought your cowboy hat! If you don't own a cowboy hat, well, that takes us to number one on the list of 49 things that will definitely happen to you after moving to Calgary (in no particular order).\nYou will own a cowboy hat.\nI'm not necessarily saying that you will buy a cowboy hat, but you sure as hell will obtain one at some point. You probably won't even know where it came from. It might've come with the house.\nYou will absolutely love Stampede.\nHorses, parades, pancakes and performances!?! What's not to love? Yeehaw!\nYou will absolutely hate Stampede.\nThis could easily go both ways. If you're like me and have no interest in the cowboy culture, those 10 days in July will be, quite frankly, a living hell.\nOn Stampede days, we wear short shorts and cowboy boots.\nPretty self-explanatory. This is the uniform of women aged 12 to 30 attending Stampede.\nYou will realize that no one here is actually from Calgary.\nMost Calgarians aren't actually from Calgary. Probably 20% of Calgarians were actually born in Calgary (don't quote me on that). However, we will still call ourselves Calgarians, proudly.\nOur summer color is "Pylon Orange"\nSnow is present for about 8 or 9 months out of the year, so the City of Calgary takes any chance it can to make you late for everything in the summer. Detours, detours, detours. Do we really need another bridge, though?\nYou'll be underdressed for the weather.\nYou: I'll just throw on a light coat. It's July, what's the worst that could happen?\nCalgary: *rains* *hails* *snows* *blizzards*\nYou'll be overdressed for the weather.\nYou: *remembers the time you were underdressed and decides to put on 20 layers of clothing*\nCalgary: *chinook*\nYou will learn that you will never win with Calgary weather.\n"If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes."\nYour idea of a "weekend getaway" will be a weekend in Banff.\nAh, the rockies.\nYour idea of a "road trip" will be the 3-hour drive to Edmonton.\nGetting out of Calgary is always the hardest part.\nYou will be constantly making trips out to Edmonton for concerts.\nDear Kanye, Drake & BEYONCE, Calgary's here too.\nAs much time as you'll spend in Edmonton, you'll always swear that Calgary's better.\nY'all may have Drake, but at least we have pothole-free roads.\nYou'll already know every concert is at the Scotiabank Saddledome.\nDo we really have any other concert venues?\nYou'll have typical "Calgarian" photos.\nPhotos on the peace bridge, at the Calgary Tower, with the giant head downtown, on the couch in the ladies room at Commonwealth to name a few.\nYou'll measure distance in time and not kilometres.\nIt's just 10 minutes away.\nYou'll always refer to AB-2 and AB-2A as "Deerfoot" and "Macleod"\nAnyone who doesn't is an outsider. You can't sit with us.\nYou'll know the overwhelmingness of going to Chinook on a weekend.\nHumans. Humans everywhere.\nYou'll know the overwhelmingness of going to Cross Iron on a weekend.\nWhy. Are. There. So. Many. Humans.\nYou'll own at least one pair of UGGS (or UGGS-like boots)\nEvery Calgarian woman has a pair. Every. Single. One.\nAnd all your winter outfits will contain those UGGS.\nDon't forget your leggings. Add some leg warmers to the mix if you're feeling fancy.\nYou will have tasted just about everything deep-fried.\nFrom deep-fried Oreos to deep-fried fruit.\nYou'll realize that Forest Lawn is Calgary's Compton.\nDid the bars on the windows of every shop give it away?\nAnd you'll know a kid in the south that boasts about the fact that they're from Forest Lawn.\nStraight Outta Forest Lawn.\nIf you live in the south, you probably won't go to/know your way around the north. And vice versa.\nI'm sorry, what's a Marlborough?\nYou'll know Marlborough is the most ghetto mall in the city.\nBut you'll still go there anyway because everything is cheap as hell.\nYou will tell if someone is from here by the way they pronounce "Calgary."\n"Cal-gare-ee" is wrong. It's Cal-gree. The second "A" is silent.\nYou'll go broke due to our ridiculous downtown public parking rates.\nThe City of Calgary is literally punishing you for having a vehicle.\nThe thought of driving on Deerfoot during rush hour raises your risk of heart failure.\n*Drake voice* Noooo, don't do it. Please don't do it.\nYou'll always have hatred for Edmonton because their gas prices are like, 2 and a half cents cheaper.\nThis is discrimination!\nEveryone works in the Riggs.\n$$$$$$\nYou'll have a wild night at Cowboys, Commonwealth, Marquee or Jimmy's that you won't quite be able to remember.\nAlcohol. So. Much. Alcohol.\nYou will spend countless nights after the club in the drive-thru of McDonalds.\nAnd you'll complain about why they are/aren't serving breakfast every time.\nYou'll never let the world forget that we produced Teagan & Sara.\nAnd "Feel It In My Bones" was your jam in 2010.\nYou will get banished from the city if you say one bad thing about the Calgary Flames.\nFor real. These Hockey fans will square up.\nEverybody you know played/plays hockey.\nSome places have dance moms. Calgary has hockey dads.\nYou will have gone on a party bus.\nAnd probably went bar/club hopping.\nLiving in the south will be torture for you if you're a black girl.\nI. NEED. HAIR. PRODUCTS.\nYou will know that May-long is camping time.\nEven though it always rains that weekend. Let the "may-longyyy" posts commence.\nYou'll wonder why the #%@! we spent 470K on that giant blue ring.\nAnd you'll never forget when Nenshi called it "awful."\nYou'll be forever jealous of Edmonton because they have Uber.\nOur taxi drivers don't like it too much when we refer to them as "Uber drivers."\nYou'll see people randomly riding horses on the roads.\nExcuse me, sir, can I see your license & registration?\nYou will become mildly familiar with the smell of cow sh!t.\nI love Alberta beef.\nYou will hardly be phased by 6 feet of snow.\nCould be worse. Could be 7.\nYou'll waste a lot of gas warming your car in the winter.\nBut it's worth it because driving in a cold car is a special kind of hell.\nYou will be late to work/school for the first week of winter.\nYou will underestimate your time and have to spend 20 minutes shovelling your car out of your driveway. And forget to start your car/need to start your car for the ice to melt off your windshield for at least 15 minutes. There will be ten thousand and four accidents (which means hella traffic) and you will be at least 30 minutes to an hour behind. And you will mourn the loss of your warmth for about an hour. Anticipate coming into work 2 hours late at the very least.\nYou'll go out of your way to avoid gas stations that don't have gas pump clips in the winter.\nThe ultimate betrayal.\nYou'll constantly complain about how expensive living is here.\nWhy must I pay upwards of a grand for a shoebox?\nYou will love and cherish Nenshi. Always.\nThis is actually a written law you must abide by in The City of Calgary.