Painfully Accurate Reasons Why Being The Momfriend Fvcking Sucks
aka the "I told you so" friend.
Let me set the scene. It's Friday and your phone suddenly starts blowing up. Of course, it's your closest BFFs making plans on what to do for the night. The convo surrounds trying to figure out where to pre, where to go, and what to wear. While everyone is excitedly planning on how to make the most of the night, you're stressing about everything that could possibly go wrong.
Ladies (and gentlemen) if you've been in this situation, odds are, you're the mom (or dad) of your friend group. Which means, to all your pals- you're the one they count on to make sure no one dies. To you - any night out means that you'll inevitably be the one stuck fixing whatever problem your group manages to get themselves into.
If any of my fellow moms (or dads) are anything like me, you may not be able to help yourself from worrying about everyone else. You'd love to live in the moment but you have no idea where that moment is. You probably had parents that drilled sayings into your head like "come together, leave together" or "don't just take a drink from anyone". You know deep down that if you don't make sure everyone is okay, something disastrous is going to happen.
So here are some painfully accurate reasons why it fucking sucks being the mom of your friend group. To all my fellow sufferers, I'm here for you.
You're always the one who gets stuck figuring out the details of any plan.
"Okay, guys if we want to go to the beach on Monday let's figure out who's bringing what."
*No response from friends*
"You know what, I'll just make a list so everyone can sign up for something."
You spend any night out constantly doing head counts of everyone you're out with.
Has anyone seen Megan? She's in the bathroom by herself? Okay, let me go check on her.
You feel like it's your personal responsibility to make sure all your friends are having a good time.
And if you find out that someone isn't having a good time then you need to spend the rest of the night ensuring that they do. Which also means that you again are not putting yourself and your own happiness first.
On the flip side, you're worried when your friends might be having too much of a good time.
Trust me, we don't want to pull that 8th tequila shot away from you either, but you literally can't open your eyes... so maybe you should have a glass of water or something.
If someone is puking, crying or upset, you're unanimously voted the one who has to go deal with it.
Hey, you know what would also be fun? If someone else took care of that for a change so I could just drink and dance to Despacito in peace.
It sometimes feels like you don't have someone else to talk to when you need advice.
Fuck it let's get drunk, it's exactly what you need to hear when you're truly upset. You love your friends, and they love you too but there probably is a reason they turn to you for advice out of everyone else.
You're always the "cock blocking friend" who won't let your pal go home with the hot guy/ girl they just met.
I know you think Conner... or Miachel... or Jessica is hot but why don't you just call them in the morning when you're sober?
It's pretty much always implied that you're the DD or the one calling the Uber, tracking it down and getting everyone into the car.
Sigh, I guess you're getting another 1-star rating since your friend just puked in the backseat. GREAT.
You're the boring friend by default.
I know getting into cars with strangers and going on Hangover-like adventures makes for great stories, but have you also seen Taken? You play it safe and there's nothing wrong with that but sometimes it feels like you're not having as much fun as your friends who make wild decisions.
Your purse/ backpack weighs almost 100 lbs since you're literally prepared for anything.
First aid kit, snacks, floss, gum, a change of clothes, more wine... yeah you've got it. Oh, and back pain; you've definitely got back pain too.
You go mama bear in 3 seconds flat when anyone tries to come for your friends.
Nobody better try anything with you around... or else. Maybe this doesn't sound like a bad trait but you'll literally go into a blind rage when it comes to the people you love getting hurt, which can make you appear a little crazy.
You're a natural worrier.
You don't want to be this way, but you can't help it. You imagine the worst case scenarios and do everything you can to prevent them from happening.
You're the one who has to keep their head on in an emergency situation.
You've mastered sobering up quick when the situation warrants it. No matter if you're stuck in an elevator or your best friend's ex just walked through the door, you know just how to make sure everyone stays calm and gets through it.
Finally, you just want to live in a world where everyone you know gets along.
World peace and all that. You hate when people around you are fighting and you feel compelled to fix it... even if they don't want your help. Your heart is always in the right place but sometimes people just want you to butt out.