Confessions Of A Regina Nightclub Bouncer
Spoiler alert: your dirty secrets aren't so secret after all.
It’s a common misconception that Regina bouncers are only gatekeepers of the club because they’re big macho men who want to prove that they can outfight anyone. Sometimes you’ll get the odd bouncer who is a total meathead but for the most part, they are good guys who just want to make sure your night at the club is a fun one.
However, you probably don’t want to get on their bad side. If there’s anyone that knows all your dirty secrets, it’s the bouncers at the club. If you’re a drunken idiot that likes to start fights, they’ll remember you. If you like to sneak around on your current boyfriend/girlfriend, they’ll know about it. If you try to do routine drug deals at the bar, they’ll keep tabs on you.
How would I know? Well, I just got the inside scoop from one of Regina’s most experienced bouncers.
Q: What is one thing people don’t know about Regina bouncers?
A: We aren’t all a bunch of tyrants who do nothing but fight, drink booze and do drugs. Most of the guys I work with are family men who are doing it as a side job to support their families. We’ve been around the club scene long enough that partying no longer appeals to us especially when we see everything from a sober point of view.
Q: What’s your funniest bar story?
A: I have so many. One night, I was doing a routine bathroom check and there was a guy passed out on the floor in mid-pee. Let’s just say his aim was a little off from the urinal. I let my buddy cover me on clean up duty for that one.
Q: What’s the best part about your job?
A: Making sure that everyone is safe. There’s nothing better than having a smooth night at the bar without any incidents. The bar is meant to be a place to have fun so it’s part of our job to make sure everyone does.
Q: What’s the worst part about your job?
A: Getting punched or having someone pull a knife or gun on you.
Q: Have you ever had to beat someone up?
A: Yes. As a bouncer, I’m always a target for guys that are looking to get into a fight – especially once the bar is closed. In the past, I’ve had a group of four guys jump me as I was walking to my car. I ended up knocking three of them out while the last one was threatening to press assault charges. I know how to fight and I know where the cameras are, you’re an idiot for starting something in the first place because you won’t ever get away with it.
Q: How do you know when someone is underage trying to get into the bar?
A: They don’t know how to walk up to a bar. They are timid and try to avoid eye contact with me as much as they can. Anyone who is old enough to be in the bar scene will walk up confidently and hand me their ID without hesitation.
Q: How do you call out someone that’s using a fake ID?
A: It’s funny because drunk people always think they’re being sneaky when it comes to using a fake. They spend so much time memorizing one thing on the ID but as soon as I catch them off guard with a question about their eye color or height they completely blank on it or give me the wrong answer.
Q: What kind of things do men bribe you with to get into the bar?
A: Money. I’ve had guys offer me anywhere between $100-1000 to get into the bar. Most of them don’t even have that much money on them and they’re just lying to see if it’ll get them in.
Q: Have you ever taken the money from them?
A: No, that’s not my style. People always think we take money when we’re offered it but we don’t. Anyone who bribes with money is someone we don’t want in the club anyways.
Q: What kind of things do women bribe you with to get into the bar?
A: Women will give you all they’ve got if they want to get in. They’ll constantly hit on you, slink up close to you or even offer up sexual favors. It’s actually gotten to the point where I have to wear a fake wedding ring as an excuse to get women off me. If a woman walks up to me and tries something, I’ll flash my ring and say, “Sorry honey, I’m married.”
Q: Have you ever hooked up with someone during a shift?
A: No, I haven’t but I know a few guys that have. They will sneak a girl into the bathroom or into the basement of the club and have quickie.
Q: Have you ever taken someone home after a shift?
A: Back in my younger days as a bouncer I did. I don’t anymore because I’ve been around the club scene long enough to know what kind of girls I’m taking home and what kind of drama comes along with that.
Q: What kind of illegal activity have you witnessed in the bar?
A: I’ve witnessed a lot of people doing drugs in public. I used to bounce at a bar that had a cabana area with mirrors on the walls and there was a guy that tried to be sneaky about doing lines of cocaine off the screen of his phone. Well, he was standing in front of a mirror, so I witnessed all of it and busted him.