10 Things That Will Definitely Get You Kicked Out Of A Toronto Bar
The bouncers will never forget you after you do these...
Getting kicked out of a bar is a right of passage. Nothing says "I had a sick night" quite like getting dragged out by two burly bouncers while all your friends pretend they don't know you. Added bonus points if you leave you credit card and ID at the bar after starting a tab.
The easiest and most obvious way to achieve this drinking milestone is by simply being a sloppy drunk mess, who ends up falling down a flight of stairs at Cube. But there are much ~cooler~ ways to be forcefully escorted out of a bar and we're here to tell you how you too can join the ranks for legendary bar stars:
1. Making yourself too at home at The Addison's.
This new Toronto hot spot aims to give the vibe of a chic house party, complete with kitchen, living room and and games room. So it's understandable if one gets kicked out of this bar by taking the "house" part too literally. When many of us get home our first instinct is taking off our pants and sprawl out on the couch to watch TV. We do not recommend doing that at The Addison's. We also would like to caution you to not get TOO into the boardgames and start a brawl over them, because Jenga can get fucking HEATED.
2. Dancing on the bar at Gracie's.
The psychological law of attraction was actually written about a drunk girl and the top of a bar. There is no faster way to get kicked out of a bar (and embarrass yourself forever) then getting on top of a bar in order to show everyone your best moves. This isn't coyote ugly. It's Gracie's and everyone just saw your Hoo-ha. Now get down before you hurt yourself.
3. Having sex in Tequila Jacks bathroom.
Although this can occur anywhere, something about Tequila Jacks just gets you going. It probably has something to do with the name. Someone pass the salt!
4. Throwing your bowling ball into the wrong lane at Ballroom Bowl.
What happens when you mix heavy bowling balls and too much alcohol? A very good chance you'll be asked to leave by a large man named Bruce.
5. Getting on stage with whatever semi-famous DJ is playing at the Hoxton.
So what that you've never heard of DJ SwagFamTrill? He's now officially your favourite artist and you MUST get closer to him. You will try everything from begging the bouncer in the back to let you up to trying to scale the stage from the front.
6. Starting a game of extreme musical chairs at Cabana.
7. Trying to grab the mic from Tony Monaco at Bloke on Wayback Wednesday.
We know you have important things to say, and you "just wanted to give Becky a birthday shout-out cause she's your BEEEEEST friend" but leave the MCing to the Z103.5 professionals.
8. Lighting up a cigarette on the Cube patio.
A moment of silence for no longer being allowed to smoke on patios. After January 1st, smokers everywhere have struggled with this law. Part of the Cube patio appeal was being able to enjoy a nice smoke without even leaving your booth. That dream has died.
9. Cannonball diving in to the Thompson Pool at night.
That pool always looks so damn inviting the second the elevator doors open to the rooftop bar...
10. Not giving up on the bull at Rock'n Horse.
Most of us give up after our first try of getting whipped off the mechanical bull. But the few of us drunk enough don't go down without a fight...which then turns into a fight with the bouncer trying to pull you off.