10 Toronto Fashion Tips To Get You Laid In A Hurry
Let's settle down with the rain boots.
Photo cred - the-streetstyle
Fashion is a fine line. It's a line that may or may not differentiate whether you're going to get lucky tonight. The right pair of sunglasses and boots can wage wars. There is no denying the fashion that flaunts itself on Toronto streets is subjected to the scrutinous eyes of lusty onlookers.
One must prepare thyself. You can't just throw on a pair of jeans and a semi-off white tee and expect sex. No no no. You've got it all wrong Toronto. How about some carefully coiffed hair and scarfs that run for miles? Or more realistically some sexy stubble and skinny jeans.
If you're going through a dry spell maybe it's time you stopped blaming other people and started buying new boots.
Photo cred - justjive
Wear Boots Like This
Men listen up. These boots are the only boots. In fact, if you're wearing these boots you don't need to pay any attention to anything else you are wearing. They are enough. The life of the party. Worn well with a scotch or even a PBR. These boots are all things to all men.
Don't Wear Boots Like This
Not to be confused with the latter, these boots are a dead zone. Wear them to repel even the lascivious of ladies. Albeit they might be trendy, they certainly lack in sex appeal. Remember when I said fashion was a fine line? Well these boots are in no man's land camping out by themselves with no fan club.
"He Looks So Cool, He's Wearing a Fedora"
Said no one ever. Who are you? Justin Timberlake? Get that fucking fedora off your head. It's a well known fact fedora's can only be pulled off by the richest most famous classiest men. Are you rich and famous? No. Like I said, take that fedora off your head. Especially if you want to have some sex tonight.
A Pair of Jeans That Fit
Who doesn't love of a pair of high waisted skinny jeans? And hey there's no denying we all feel super hot and fashionable when we wear them. Although we mustn't overlook the fact they should be all parts tight and all parts skinny, if we're really really looking to turn heads of the horny kind. A cousin of the desert boot when worn on the terribly baggy side, these pants risk being too fashionable and less sexy. Wear them wisely. This is science people.
Roll Your Pants Like This
Simple enough instructions here folks. Recent research* has shown women are more likely to sleep with you if you roll your pants up like so and do not wear socks. Of course one must have the ankles for it, and again this look cannot be pulled off by everyone but hey you asked to get laid, you need to know these things.
*not real research
That Paisley Shirt
Let's talk about that paisley shirt you have and how it should definitely be a tie or socks instead. Hate to break it to you, but paisley should be worn to accent an outfit, not as an outfit. A whole lot of paisley means a whole lot of no sex. Check the facts*.
*There are no facts.
The Right Length
It's very much like goldilocks, not too cold, not too hot (okay yeah it should be hot), it's just right. As in a medium length skirt. Remember that line I keep talking about? If the skirt borderlines too short than we risk some totally trashy territory, however if it's too long, you may be a fashion queen without a king of course. Get it right and you'll thank me at the end of the night.
Photo cred - torice
Rocking a romper can draw attention to yourself in the best way. Similar to the sexy boots, romper's are the life of the party. Dress them down or up, they can be worn anyway you like and still be considered sexy and stylin'.
Wear More Camo
This one isn't just for the ladies, men and women alike need to start wearing more camo if they're taking seduction seriously. I'm not suggesting you overindulge because we all know that would be tacky. I am however suggesting you buy a pair a camo pants, and by pants I mean shorts. Sexy.
A Big Yes To The Skinny Tie
Similar to the skinny jean, ties are worn best on the skinny side, duh. Nothing says do me like a skinny tie, nothing.