I'm sorry, but anyone who says they enjoy first dates is a dirty liar. Besides the extremely rare dream first date where you connect on every level and fall instantly in love, most of the time they're pretty awkward.

Read More: 9 Toronto Ghosting Stories That Will Make You Give Up On Dating Forever

Worse than awkward, however, is when they turn into a total disaster. From (accidentally) dating your cousin to stabbing your date with an epi-pen, here are 11 first date stories that will make you lose faith in humanity (or at least in finding love).


1. "My date was super boring and it seemed like it would never end. I went to the washroom to text my friend to ask her to call me with a fake emergency. BUT I ACCIDENTALLY TEXTED IT TO MY DATE! Is there an escape window in the washroom??"


2. "Within 5 minutes of our very first date, this girl immediately brings up her painful divorce, her desire to remarry ASAP, and how her four years of therapy have helped her regain her self-esteem. Too soon!"


3. "My one date drank waaay too much and kept trying to make out with me. After every sentence, he would close his eyes and lean in with his mouth OPEN. After I would dodge him, he would stop for a minute and then try again."


4. "This was before the days of creeping your blind date online beforehand. We met for drinks and it went super well, and before you know it, we were back at his place. When I woke up the next morning, I noticed his university diploma hanging on his wall...and we had the same last name. After a bit of digging, we came to the realization that we were distant cousins. Needless to say, there was no second date."


5. "We were at this super hip restaurant where the waiters who barely speak English bring you unidentified small plates to try. After biting into what we thought was a crepe, my date's eyes widened. She confessed that she had a seafood allergy and she was pretty sure there was raw fish in whatever she had just taken a bite of. She then pulled out her epi-pen and instructed me on how to use it."


6. "We went to the movies for our first date to see some Nicholas Sparks movie. We were the only people in the theatre except for another couple. Before the movie even starts, this couple starts going at it hot and heavy in the theatre. Because they were only a few rows ahead of us, we could see everything. Awkward..."


7. "We met for a drink, which was nice at first, but I started to realize he was starting to pay way too much attention to his phone. I tried to brush it off but once I saw that the person he was so busy texting had the ring emoji next to her name, I decided to call it a night."


8. "I went to pick this guy up at his parents house and we went out for dinner. He proceeded to have about 7 drinks and the most expensive thing on the menu, while I opted for one drink and something smaller because I was broke AF. Afterwards, he told the server to split our bill "down the middle" even though his order had been about $50 more than mine. When I dropped him off, he said I could come in "he guessed" but that I had to be quiet because his parents were sleeping."


9. “I swear you cannot make this stuff up. I was newly out of a relationship and decided to try my hand at Tinder dating. At first, he seemed like a normal guy...until he wasn't. Turns out, he had some pretty outdated views about women. He told me he didn't believe in birth control and that women exist to raise families, while men exist to go to war. He told me that the woman he married had to birth him a certain number of sons. When I tried to explain my views on feminism, he brushed me off as a "social justice warrior."Then at the end of the date, he told me to delete my Tinder and marry him. No. Words.”


10. "She brought a plastic bag in case she vomited because "first dates made her nervous." She didn't need to use it, thank god."


11. "He told me he "didn't know a girl could eat so much," and he didn't know whether to be afraid or impressed. Lol..."

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