13 Panicked Stages Of Texting Your Ex
You dated for a reason, you broke up for a reason - whatever that reason may be. Your relationship started, happened, and ended. But is it really over over?
It's their birthday, Christmas, their favourite band is in town. They pop into your head like an annoying MacKeeper ad, and before you know it you've typed their number into your phone - even though you've deleted it several times before.
He's trash!! He's boring!! He didn't know who Kendall Jenner was!! Your group chat pings incessantly. They're right. You know they're right. And you hate yourself a little. But you're doing it. You're texting your ex.
Here are a cocktail of thoughts that can occur before, after, and during texting someone you once saw naked.
Why tf did you do this.
It's been five minutes since you pressed send. No, six. And still no reply. Has he been active on Instagram? Twitter? Facebook mobile??
*scrolls timeline aggressively*
It was that damn selfie he posted last week
Where he didn't look fat, or ugly. Wtf, since when can he grow a full beard. And also pull it off?? Is that a henley? You swear you didn't dress this well when we were together ??
Or that hot girl who tagged him in a photo
She's hot but also a border line thot. Like yeah she has really long lashes but they're probably extensions. And her ass is totally smaller than yours. Do you think her lips are fake??
He got a good job in his field
And you're really fucking proud of him. Yeah you aren't always each other's biggest fans, but he's doing well in life and you know this position/promotion/acceptance means a lot to him.
He liked a photo of your sibling/mom/dad/dog
Son of a bitch, you don't care that your mom still has your old anniversary on the family calendar - Scooter hates your him and NEVER plays with the chew toy he got him last Christmas.
You hooked up with a total skeez last weekend
Aaaaand you want to talk to someone that's actually a semi-decent human being. Who still remembers your name after a couple drinks and will walk you to your Uber.
But he's probably seeing someone else...
Not that you want to get back together, or even hook-up again, but you didn't think that meant no contact. Although you'd understand if his new girl said exes were off limits, especially when his ex looks like you *hairflip*
You've glowed up since you broke up anyways
Not only physically, but mentally, emotionally. You were your own person before your break-up and definitely after. You wouldn't say you won the break-up, but you definitely didn't lose ?
*Tosses phone onto bed*
You are an idiot. Is it too late to blame this text on Scooter?
You could always say you needed a Netflix password? Or an Uber code?
Would that seem savage or sad?
Whatever, you'll delete the convo.
Try to forget it happened, salvage some dignity and memory on your phone.
Oh wait he replied. 20 minutes ago. Shit.
Were your notifications off this whole time?! Again, you are an idiot.
SoooOOooo now what?
Guess you keep texting until somebody ghosts or tries to go for it..let the games begin?
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